Profile avatar
miasmahospital.bsky.social
Health scare for all. Admission Prevention service with Terminal Discharge. Think you might be dying, we can help. Affiliated with all good undertakers. If you were in any doubt this is a Parody health care provider!
510 posts 273 followers 1,394 following
Prolific Poster
Conversation Starter
Posts 36 Comments 14

Our ophthalmology team recommend leaving eyes in the sockets. They are not marbles and should never be traded for bubble gum.

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

Next up on Hospital radio a song for Donny who's waiting down in the Emergency Department with chest pain... Heart Attack by Demi Lovato

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

... Our next hospital radio dedication is for Keith who wants his Kidney Stones sorted... Here's The Rolling Stones, with "You can't always get what you want.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Hospital radio here for another great weekend. First request for Toby, whose feeling suicidal. Here's Jump by Van Halen

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

A reminder from the Sexual Health clinic. When we said you need to treat your Gonorrhoea, we DID NOT mean take it to a party and introduce it to your friends.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

The Hospital does not offer a walk-in colonic irrigation service. Please return the suction tubing and move away from the fizzy drinks vending machine.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

We do not have a nature pond on the hospital grounds. Please refrain from pond dipping. The sluice overflow will be fixed as soon as possible. They are NOT toads in your net.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

We are aware it's going to be a humid weekend. The Emergency Department staff would like to remind you putting deodorant canisters in your butt is not advised.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Could whoever put the Resus dummies peering down from the ceiling tiles in the mental health ward please remove them? We've been treating patients for paranoia when in fact they were being watched.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Unfortunately the news has got out today we are making most of our senior nurses and allied professionals redundant. The good news is that for every competent, experienced staff member that goes we can recruit 2 inexperienced replacements.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Our Health Promotion Department now run a pre-pre-diabetes awareness training for anyone who might get diabetes in the next 75years.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

We are proud to announce we are offering Mounjaro to all our obese patients on successfully completion of their first ironman triathlon.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

We would like to confirm "Smeared Faeces on Wall" was not one of our commissioned art works and will be removed.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

The Hospital Bowls Team, are pleased to announce a new sponsor for the upcoming Bowls Open. Thanks to Senokot for the support in getting us going.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

The Trust would like to reassure patients on the cardiology ward they are not possessed. The cardiologist told Father McKenzie to exercise more, unfortunately he misunderstood.

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

@greenevillezoo.bsky.social Is your Llama alarmed by the Alpacas Alopecia? The hospital is looking for work experience for Junior Doctor's that aren't safe for use on humans yet. Would you be happy to have an intern programme?

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

To preserve patient identity, the sexual health nurses will now call you from the waiting room based on your symptoms rather than your name. Hopefully that will be far less embarrassing.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Our hospital radio DJ is cool. And has no pulse, he is in the mortuary. Sorry for the lack of radio. Please enjoy the porters whistling.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

For clarification... When we wished the new physio students luck and said "Break a leg" this was a traditional theatre expression. We were not expecting them to take it literally.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

We're looking for volunteers to partake in a new clinical study: "Diarrhoea, runs in the family" Let us know if you want in.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

We've received complaints about our recent skeets. We would like to apologise, the Chief Executive has had his password blocked, to resolve this problem.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

If you're bored of waiting for your sprained ankle to be looked at. Tell the triage nurse. He can take your around the department so you can choose which Doctor you would like to stop resuscitation and come to look at your poorly ankle.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Despite rumours to the contrary, Consultants are a round this weekend. A round of golf. But feel free to use the hospital if you want to take your chances.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Please be aware we are short of nursing staff this weekend so there are less people available to stop the junior doctor's from killing you. If you need the hospital we are here for you. But if you have a village elder you might want to try them first.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

It's bank holiday weekend, and we have faith in the junior doctor's covering the hospital. We don't have much hope, but faith's important at times like this.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

It's a bank holiday weekend. The hospital is busy. Please avoid falling into your barbecue drunk.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

I've said it before and I'll say it again. We love feeding our therapy animals to the public. Guinea Pigs in Blankets.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Another great diagnosis performance. MRSA to the tune of YMCA Old man, there's a reason you feel down. I said "Old man, Stop picking your nose if it's brown" I said "Old man, There's no antibiotics to get that bug down" Your swabs show you've got a case of... M. R. S. A.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

We were banned from feeding the therapy animals to the public, which is a shame, the rabbit pie was lovely.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

And now Cardiology have used the band... to this Tom Jones classic... I saw the gravestone ST elevation when I passed by your bed I saw the Ischemia being caused by your sad heart. She was my patient And as the ECG changes occured it made me fart. MI, MI, my-ocardial infarction. MI, MI, MI, PCI!!

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

The Endocrinology team have now used the Mariachi band for diagnosis with a cover from Mary Poppins Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Hyperparathyroidism is your diagnosis. Surgery for your symptoms may sound quite atrocious. But it's better than Constipation, myalgia and loss of mental focus.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Our first patient has just received his Diagnosis by Mariachi... A lovely version of Lulu's "Shout" You know you've got Gout, Look, your toe is swelling (gout) Look, your Urate levels showing (gout) Throw your head back (gout) Allopurinol (gout) Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you'll feel alright.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Doctors....Are you fed up with giving bad news?? The Trust has employed a Mariachi band to sing cover versions to patients to enlighten diagnosis. Feed will show their use over the coming weeks.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

For clarification. The "nurse" that comes at night to take your temperature rectally is not a member of staff.

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

Another acquisition for our hospitals at project. This will be unveiled in the Trauma unit to cheer patients waiting to be seen.

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

The Trust has acquired more at for the hospital to cheer patients up. We're unveiling this beautiful work in the Physio-terrorist waiting area.

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments