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miasmahospital.bsky.social
Health scare for all. Admission Prevention service with Terminal Discharge. Think you might be dying, we can help. Affiliated with all good undertakers. If you were in any doubt this is a Parody health care provider!
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Posts 39 Comments 11

That's right we run late as you come in for 30 problems in a 10 minute appointment and write complaint letters if we don't address all your problems comprehensively.

submitted 7 hours ago • 1 comment

The Trust is pleased to introduce our newest neurosurgeon @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social He is a mighty Trephine Surgeon.

submitted 20 hours ago • 0 comments

The thunder storm was forecast. The dark clouds over the hospital are nothing to do with the alleged ritual at the mortuary.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Note to patients regarding AI: In the absence of real intelligence, the doctors are using artificial intelligence to write comprehensive notes. Please let us know if you don't want Skynet knowing about your personal problems.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Note to patients in the out patients clinic. Room 3 is between Room 2 & 4. While we don't mean to be patronising, you do seem to be a bit thick, and it seems you can't work this out.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

#menshealthweek is upon us. Our clinicians have cut their finger nails ready for your prostate exam.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

If you think the orthopaedic doctor is talking to you, please inform the nursing staff immediately. You are hallucinating and need immediate assessment.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

We are aware of the current problem with bluetooth hearing aids within the hospital picking up "sex noises". We can reassure you this is not tittinus, as soon as we find the source we will resolve this.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

This hospital is an equal opportunity employer. Each member of staff equally has the opportunity for stress, long hours and working in an under funding department. We don't care about your background, just get the job done.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Joy from the Canteen is more than wild. You feel her one more time and she will get a restraining order out.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

The Trust welcomes Professor Kitty to our Gynaecology team and teaching program. We're sure she will teach those students a thing or two.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

The Trust also has some of those people that wear scrubs and nobody is sure if you call them Mr. or Dr. We're proud of them too. #Pridemonth 🌈

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

The Trust is Proud to be a Pride employer. We have male nurses and they're all gay aren't they?

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

This Volunteers week we'd like to say thank you to all our volunteers, except that old guy on late night hospital radio, he gives us the creeps.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

It's #VolunteersWeek! The trust members would like so the volunteers to know how appreciated you are. Without you were have to recruit more paid staff and then we'd have less money for the Chief Executive wages.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

It's Clinical Audit Awareness week. To celebrate we've looked back and found nobody really seemed that excited. We'll repeat the audit next year and see if that changes.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

The Trust recognises Pride Month , but we're keeping the rainbow we stole during COVID. 🌈

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Staff are reminded that the microsuction is for ear wax use only. Please refrain from using it to imprison spiders.

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

Our ophthalmology team recommend leaving eyes in the sockets. They are not marbles and should never be traded for bubble gum.

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

Next up on Hospital radio a song for Donny who's waiting down in the Emergency Department with chest pain... Heart Attack by Demi Lovato

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

... Our next hospital radio dedication is for Keith who wants his Kidney Stones sorted... Here's The Rolling Stones, with "You can't always get what you want.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Hospital radio here for another great weekend. First request for Toby, whose feeling suicidal. Here's Jump by Van Halen

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

A reminder from the Sexual Health clinic. When we said you need to treat your Gonorrhoea, we DID NOT mean take it to a party and introduce it to your friends.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

The Hospital does not offer a walk-in colonic irrigation service. Please return the suction tubing and move away from the fizzy drinks vending machine.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

We do not have a nature pond on the hospital grounds. Please refrain from pond dipping. The sluice overflow will be fixed as soon as possible. They are NOT toads in your net.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

We are aware it's going to be a humid weekend. The Emergency Department staff would like to remind you putting deodorant canisters in your butt is not advised.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Could whoever put the Resus dummies peering down from the ceiling tiles in the mental health ward please remove them? We've been treating patients for paranoia when in fact they were being watched.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Unfortunately the news has got out today we are making most of our senior nurses and allied professionals redundant. The good news is that for every competent, experienced staff member that goes we can recruit 2 inexperienced replacements.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Our Health Promotion Department now run a pre-pre-diabetes awareness training for anyone who might get diabetes in the next 75years.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

We are proud to announce we are offering Mounjaro to all our obese patients on successfully completion of their first ironman triathlon.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

We would like to confirm "Smeared Faeces on Wall" was not one of our commissioned art works and will be removed.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

The Hospital Bowls Team, are pleased to announce a new sponsor for the upcoming Bowls Open. Thanks to Senokot for the support in getting us going.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

The Trust would like to reassure patients on the cardiology ward they are not possessed. The cardiologist told Father McKenzie to exercise more, unfortunately he misunderstood.

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments

@greenevillezoo.bsky.social Is your Llama alarmed by the Alpacas Alopecia? The hospital is looking for work experience for Junior Doctor's that aren't safe for use on humans yet. Would you be happy to have an intern programme?

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

To preserve patient identity, the sexual health nurses will now call you from the waiting room based on your symptoms rather than your name. Hopefully that will be far less embarrassing.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Our hospital radio DJ is cool. And has no pulse, he is in the mortuary. Sorry for the lack of radio. Please enjoy the porters whistling.

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

For clarification... When we wished the new physio students luck and said "Break a leg" this was a traditional theatre expression. We were not expecting them to take it literally.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

We're looking for volunteers to partake in a new clinical study: "Diarrhoea, runs in the family" Let us know if you want in.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

We've received complaints about our recent skeets. We would like to apologise, the Chief Executive has had his password blocked, to resolve this problem.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments