sethanikeem.bsky.social
writer of books - wrangler of cats - creator of TTRPGs - intersex, introverted & feral (you’ve probably seen me on TV) - Long Covid Club - games, art & free things here: https://xoshdarkheart.itch.io/ - want me to write stuff? contact -@- darkheart.games
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Getting Started
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Mine’s from childhood medical trauma & we’re about the same age, so it took well into adulthood to start wrestling with it effectively (yay, GenX being told “quit complaining & walk it off!”)
Your openness about your own journey has been inspiring. And I’m glad I could help a little today.
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Several friends swear by FloMask
There’s also these, if you can get them: www.protectly.co/products/vit...
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I will have nights like that thanks to PTSD and I can’t always trace the trigger.
Sometimes brains are just assholes like that.
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That was pretty much me refreshing the discord group that the rescue shares
Hope for the best, be prepared for the worst
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I assumed from his behavior that he was in pain
Just didn’t realize how much
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Yes. This.
And every new loss reignites all the others in strange and unexpected ways
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It is sacred work for me, especially the role of psychopomp. Not everyone is built for the work of facilitating that passage.
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It has put a damper on my writing for the day, but no regrets.
He needed someone to look out for him at least once in his life.
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Farnsworth was not a nice cat. He was not a friendly cat. He was certainly not a tame cat.
But he still deserved kindness.
My heart is heavy, but I know I cared for him as best as I could, and exactly as far as he allowed me to.
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Here are photos of Farnsworth from happier times #BlueSkyCats #FeralCat #RainbowBridge
Safe travels, wild soul 🌈
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Oof ☹️
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He clearly needed help and given his temperament, it was obvious he was in a bad way. I don’t think he ever would’ve come to a human’s door otherwise.
He picked me because he knew.
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Definitely not the news I wanted, but also, news that did not surprise me #BlueSkyCats #FeralCat
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Our indoor cats are all safe. No risk. There’s been no interaction or contact between them save through a glass door. And it’s not like any of the humans ever made physical contact with Farnsworth. He was way too spicy for that.
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Now I’m worried about Eek because one of the things with Farnsworth is he was FELV+
(I’d suspected he might be FIV+ which was one of the reasons I desperately wanted to catch him)
FELV is the worse of the two. More communicable.
I think I might be trapping Eek next just to get her checked out
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I do not regret putting in the work to trap him and get him in to be assessed
I had a feeling Farnsworth story wasn’t gonna be a happy one, but there was that sliver of hope
They’re gonna send me his ashes when it’s all done
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One of the things on his health report is a measurement they call Body Condition
Farnsworth’s was measured at 4
The healthy number is 9
Realistically, he didn’t have much longer, but it would’ve been a slow wasting, very uncomfortable
This is harder, but kinder 😿
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In between writing, I keep refreshing the Discord for the shelter & its volunteers to see if there’s an update on what’s going on with him
Nothing yet
But I know they would tell me immediately if there was anything bad
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Makes me think of this bit of Cleveland history:
clevelandhistorical.org/items/show/736
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It was a tiny victory in a world that feels abjectly awful right now
Now, my real hope is that they can do something more for him than simply patch him up and release him back into my yard
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Best case scenario: they find a microchip on him and he turns out to be somebody’s lost cat (and it’s a happy reunion)
Second best: they determine he can be rehabilitated from his current spicy state & the shelter hooks him up with a foster who will work with him till he can get adopted
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The harsh reality is, once they fix Farnsworth up, if he’s determined to be feral, the only thing they will do is release him back to me to be released back into the wildspace by my home
As much as he seeks help from me, he’s also aggressive toward me. And I’m not equipped to care for a feral.
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I really wish I knew his story
Was Farnsworth born in the wild? Was he someone’s pet once?
When he first showed up last year, his fur was not particularly matted which, for a long-haired cat on his own, was unusual
I hope they find a microchip. I hope he has a family. I hope we get him home.
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There was no doubt in my mind that Eek brought Farnsworth to my door so he could have some food and care
And I suspect the only reason he came to the door was because he trusted her, not because he trusted me
He reluctantly accepts things from me, but he does not trust me - or any people
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First time I met Farnsworth:
It was August last year
I remember the night well: our usual feral visitor, Eek, approached the door, asked for food, & when I put it out, she stepped out of the way & this guy crept out from underneath one of the cars in the driveway
She waited while he ate
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Not a perfect match, but the open floor plan and all the interior wood definitely reminds me of it: amam.oberlin.edu/flw-house/fr...).
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That makes a lot more sense
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At least it wasn’t an AI generated elk image?
But still …
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I can do the crunchy stuff, but I love the stories more (and writing descriptions. Edible Plants of the Fantasy Wilds was just me running wild with that & then I wrote a minimalist game around it)
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No worries. I do that all the time.
Re: the games. Sometimes I have an idea, but then realize what I really want is to be a writer on the game while someone else does the crunchy bits.
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A couple, actually.
Every once in a while, there’s an idea that I get really excited about, but once I get into the nitty-gritty, I realize I am not the best person suited to its execution
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“Pounded in the Butt by My Asteroid Obsession”
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I will always remember how a friend (and co-presenter) in the kink scene back in the day had a daughter who started asking questions
And she was into stuff but underage, which meant no one in the community (daddy included) felt comfortable answering her questions
So she started Scarlet Teen
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👆🏻
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On the upside, his inappropriate behavior is unlikely to out an entire niche subculture, several of whom will have to inevitably speak out and say, “not all of us are like that guy.”
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Is that a Frank Lloyd Wright? It looks a lot like one of his near Oberlin, Ohio.
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The lengths legit kinksters must go to in order to insulate their kids (as they should) from their lifestyles to avoid bitter exes & narrow family members calling CPS — and then there’s this asshole acting like his weird fixation is VeggieTales
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Given that I personally am listed as a fetish on FetLife, it’s safe to say I’ve heard a lot
And this is far out there even by my weird standards (and making his kids watch the thing is super fucked up)
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You are not making that up.
I remember on a family trip (80s) having to dump out a bunch of the food we were carrying in a cooler as we traveled from Arizona to New Mexico
I swear, these days, if officials asked a family to do that, one of them would pull a gun
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What a cutie!
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Ugh