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williebhines.bsky.social
who are you people and also who am i https://www.linktr.ee/willhines
470 posts 6,821 followers 193 following
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Posts 44 Comments 6

What if Putin emerges from the talks as is like “we’ve agreed that the Fast and Furious franchise is worth watching.”

submitted 22 hours ago • 3 comments

Is there any very large airport that has solved the problem of car traffic of folks being dropped off? Sincere question, what am I doing

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Gonna 100% this book.

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

I’m gonna go to sleep, which is a strange thing we all do all the time, like every day, and we just don’t talk about it.

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

I like dumb shit mostly.

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

I love coffee! What other unnaturally temperatured substance that fucks hard with my nervous system can I fill myself up to bursting with?

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

Social media: “OMG best ever show, all the awards to this show, obsessed, cannot wait for next episode” = Reality: “show is okay.”

submitted 6 days ago • 3 comments

I have like two ideas a year and that counts things like “there should be a car that folds up.”

submitted 7 days ago • 5 comments

I feel this.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

I wish Gen Z would quit being ALL OVER ME! I’m a person!

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

What’s your favorite sequel about an accountant?

submitted 8 days ago • 7 comments

A single subplot of Andor: a senator hides secret funding of a rebellion against her own government by agreeing to marry her loyalist daughter to a corrupt businessman’s son. Entire story of original trilogy: farm kid learns magic to help blow up evil headquarters twice.

submitted 10 days ago • 2 comments

Let us rename football “Prolate Spheroid Ball”

submitted 13 days ago • 4 comments

I don’t see why I’m not a super famous comedian just because I don’t tell or write jokes and also don’t do anything. I’m perpetually bemused. Are you not entertained?

submitted 13 days ago • 8 comments

Too many street signs focus on what you CAN’T do. How about a “YES Parking” sign? And of course I mean on my mustache, to people with big fat butts.

submitted 13 days ago • 1 comment

If you’ve ever wanted to pretend you were eating a giant spider’s egg sacs, may I introduce you to grapes!

submitted 17 days ago • 2 comments

Next Pope: Kevin Spacey. His first address : “Nothing matters.”

submitted 20 days ago • 1 comment

Next Pope: Pete Davidson. A Pope who fucks.

submitted 20 days ago • 3 comments

Every other organization should name their own Pope: —Methodists —Netflix —improv theaters —each season of Drag Race —Great Britain —me and my friends

submitted 20 days ago • 3 comments

Louis, Louis Oh dough, that’s a baguette now Bread, bread, bread, bread, bebe

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

Crack of dawn is sunrise. I will wake up 4 hours after it’s been cracked, which is the quiche of dawn.

submitted 25 days ago • 1 comment

I will cope as I have always coped: eating handfuls of shit food that hurts

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

Did I miss the Oscars

submitted 36 days ago • 8 comments

When can I listen to real life conversations at 1.5x

submitted 37 days ago • 6 comments

Say what you want about the tariffs, but they are accomplishing their intended goal: getting everyone in the world to talk about him nonstop.

submitted 40 days ago • 2 comments

I’m done remembering stuff.

submitted 42 days ago • 3 comments

White Lotus S3 was good and the finale was great. The haters’ personal subjective opinions are wrong.

submitted 42 days ago • 2 comments

Movies are often fun.

submitted 47 days ago • 2 comments

Coffee still good

submitted 50 days ago • 3 comments

Sleep is interesting

submitted 51 days ago • 4 comments

I’m at the Garden State soundtrack concert at the Greek Theater. I should have a joke here in this part.

submitted 51 days ago • 0 comments

Coffee good

submitted 51 days ago • 2 comments

Follow your dreams: attend high school naked

submitted 55 days ago • 2 comments

BRAIN: maybe a sketch where a pop song starts off telling you to dance, but moves onto giving you chores? INNER CRITIC: This is dumb, no one will like it. INNER AC/DC: Scream the chorus in unison, it will rock.

submitted 56 days ago • 2 comments

You can improve your art, or declare its faults to be a new genre. My TikToks are not “tossed off” they are “trysofts.”

submitted 58 days ago • 0 comments

Today I will be teaching an improv class on zoom in my car so when it’s done I can run into an audition and perform as a silent man failing to grab money falling from the sky.

submitted 61 days ago • 3 comments

Just read a challenging book with no problems

submitted 64 days ago • 2 comments

Let’s bring back writing “sike.” My junior high yearbook was full of signatures that were like “hey you’re a jerk sike” Sike = “psych” Let’s all do this again.

submitted 66 days ago • 13 comments

I like televised fiction. I like sensing the feelings of the made-up people. I enjoy wondering what will happen and then finding out.

submitted 73 days ago • 7 comments

I’m watching a Keith Richards documentary. He’s so funny! That’s all I have nothing to add.

submitted 75 days ago • 0 comments

am I tall

submitted 76 days ago • 13 comments

When are the Oscars

submitted 77 days ago • 6 comments

did I win an Oscar

submitted 78 days ago • 10 comments

Oh good it’s a photo of myself

submitted 78 days ago • 0 comments