I would also like an Olympics where we stuff the athletes full of psychedelics, preferably DMT, and see how they perform. Let's see how fast a man can run when he no longer understands the concept of matter.
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Then again, Sir Frank Williams, of the Williams F1 team, always said that you knew an engine was perfectly tuned, if it blew up as it crossed the finishing line …
So all these ultra-highly tuned Athletes ‘blowing up’ as they crossed the finishing lines, could get rather messy ?
It would kill off the other side though. It would also be dominated by those who can afford the tech and the research. I am up for it though, if it’s something that is not controlled by the rich folks. Otherwise Squid Games would become prophesy.
Where there’s money to be made there will always be someone powerful exploiting those less powerful. Like when Russia and the GDR gave life-ruining drugs to young athletes. There’s already enough pressure on athletes to push their bodies beyond endurance. It won’t be a bunch of dudes having fun.
So, we’re creating an Olympics with much less rules and regulations. So where do we draw the line on cheating? What if someone wins the 100m sprint in 0.2 seconds because, on DMT, he went through hyperspace and got help from machine elves?
It turns out I was way ahead of my time. I remember talking about this 20 years ago.
My concept was a little different. The rule was that your heart must be still beating as you crossed the line. Posthumous winners would be allowed.
“I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning seven Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn’t even find my bike.”
Well we seem to be trying a version of the leadership of the most powerful nation on earth being led by substance-dependent individuals so why not sport too?
You should just watch the Tour de France then Ian.
You can occasionally watch people actually kill themselves, sometimes quickly, sometimes very slowly (but still dead) and the racing is fun also.
Re-upping my proposal for a Crap Olympics, for those of us at the other end of the human achievement scale. 1500m Butterfly for 40-a-day smokers. Archery for people who've forgotten their glasses. Cow dressage. That type of thing.
It doesn't and you don't get any maintenance gear either - if the tyres are flat, you ride them flat. Good point on kit though. Everyone should wear the best gear in their national colours that they can find on the ground floor of the nearest Sports Direct.
Watched some drunk middle aged men racing things like those around a running track at a village fete once. Absolutely hilarious. Just lucky there weren’t any heart attacks really…
My problem with that is that all my favourite Olympic sports (particularly at the Winter Olympics for some reason) seem to share an aspect where being crap at them carries a significant chance of horrific injury.
But otherwise, I think they’d be best to combine that with the regular Olympics - like, just before they run the 100m have some middle aged bloke from the crowd set a par time for context.
Actually art and some other weird things were Olympic events before, so that should be reintroduced. Speed Lego. Poetry for dyslexics. 100m flower arranging. 50kg trainspotting.
I don’t smoke and can swim at an average amateur level - have swum 400m fly with a break every 50m because fly is exhausting. Getting someone crap to swim 1500m fly, well it’s a day out I guess.
Do you get any training or is it completely blind? Quite a few people of my acquaintance think they could perform at Olympic level with a few weeks’ training…
That’s only fair. But you should get a €20 voucher for Lidl to buy any special equipment you need - and like Jury Service, you get the day off work, I assume?
Building a house on sand. Diverting the flow of a river with a sieve. Felling a tree with a dead fish. Capturing fire in a jar. Getting the Royals to pay tax. Forcing Nigel Farage to swim the Gulf of America. Watching Trump fail the 7 Plus exam.
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So all these ultra-highly tuned Athletes ‘blowing up’ as they crossed the finishing lines, could get rather messy ?
Maybe only
My concept was a little different. The rule was that your heart must be still beating as you crossed the line. Posthumous winners would be allowed.
― Willie Nelson
You can occasionally watch people actually kill themselves, sometimes quickly, sometimes very slowly (but still dead) and the racing is fun also.
If you can be Michael Phelps while off your mash…
*Is that what kids like now? Blazin' Squad? Let's say yes.
"Congrats. You have been drawn to represent Team GB at the pole vault. You have 6 weeks to prepare"
Across the breadth of events would be a genuine test of the average level of a nation's sporting ability.
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/shortcuts/2019/jul/15/why-do-so-many-men-think-they-could-win-a-point-off-serena-williams