Not to be occidentalist but do Americans IRL behave like they do online? Like super tense all the time and prone to anger. #NotAllAmericans of course, many are perfectly normal people; some of my best friends are American.
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very small case study, but I was in a handful of regional and international airports in the US earlier this month and everyone - staff and passengers - were *noticeably* more on edge and snappy than in irish/british/continental european airports I've been to recently.
like, I witnessed a straight up shouting match between two employees of a burrito shop in one of the terminals, resulting in one employee literally quitting on the spot...
I don't really enjoy airports as a rule but american ones are especially unpleasant in my experience (also for *multiple* obvious reasons, going through one in feb 2025 was especially nerve-wracking)
Depends on the region. Where I live people cancel you for being abusive but on the east coast it's basically expected for you to be a little pissed at all times.
it's extremely regionally variable but there's necessarily a lot of suppressed interpersonal hostility. just bc of like class / racial / gender dynamics. whereas like UK runs on slowburn contempt, the US runs on barely contained aggression.
this manifests in different ways in different places & communities. so like in some places (New York & LA) everyone is super fake social climbers who'll fuck each other over. in another (Chicago) people are openly angry & aggro but quicker to forgive.
there are places like Portland or the rural midwest where everything just runs on passive aggression & social manipulation. there are some places where people just fight it out a lot.
of course, people can still be genuinely chill and friendly but it takes a lot of very active effort bc the society runs on nightmare tier capitalism & interlocking hierarchies that are also basically always somewhat shiftable through conflict & exploitation.
this is also why a lot of US americans are reflexively distrustful of calm/gentle/etc attitudes: we're used to it either being manipulative & fake or reflective of someone who has done some heinous exploitation to achieve levels of security & comfort most can't access.
in my limited experience it seems like a number of places outside the US, including Thailand, are waaaay less reflexively agitated and hostile. like you might look at the US & wonder how people even live like this, but if you look at health data the answer is "very badly"
You also have to remember that every single American is operating on long burnout thanks to our Ultra Capitalist system. We’re basically all stuck in fight or flight in a situation we can’t flee, and have been for decades now. Our current politics is just an outward expression of that.
From my experience, yeah. There is a concerning number of people who are like this. Pretty much just walking through life looking to pick a fight and cause problems cause they feel small and never emotionally matured enough to handle it.
The thing about the US is that it HEAVILY operates on in-group/Out-Group mind-set. Where people who are in one's in group can ask anything reasonable. A person from outside that in-group so much as asks for the time of day is liable to get met with violent threats. What marks in-groups is arbitrary
The thing is these in-groups can be (and often are) highly toxic to its own members. A lot of times these in-groups require those in them to unmade themselves to better fit into the in-group. And are less held together by comraderie and more by fear of ever being without a group to belong to.
USAmerican Evangelical Protestantism is the single biggest in-group in the country. And in comparison to non-American Christians they resemble a fucking doomsday cult.
Mostly no, most people are much more restrained and calm but sometimes...
Yesterday while walking home from work I saw a man get out of his truck and hit the doors of the car in front of him because he wanted them to move forward so he could turn. They were stopped at a stoplight.
I stopped to watch, ready to film, because wasn't sure if it was gonna get really violent really fast, but fortunately the light changed so they could drive away before he could do more than punch the trunk of their car.
Some of us, yeah. The ones who aren't as "online" tend to be fairly nice and chill, regardless of ideology. It's kind of a self-perpetuating cycle with Online Americans, I think.
I've often related online behavior to driving behavior. The anonymity seems to express itself in incredible selfishness and entitlement. It's exhausting and distressing having to assume everyone else is violent just to stay safe.
I think another thing that adds to it is that since we've replaced a lot of niche communities with town-square like spaces it's easier to get whiplash.
If I come online to gush about something I like, it's MUCH easier to catch a stray from someone who hates it / thinks it's garbage than it was in the late 2000's.
No there is definitely a baseline tension in a lot of america. Like people are often nicer than they are online, but a lot of people are on a very short fuse
In my experience, yes and no? It really seems to depend on the person. I've met some people who have totally different online personas than they do IRL, and met others who I WISH it was just a persona, because they are absolutely awful to deal with in person AND online.
A lot of them, and it’s a problem. People don’t really learn how to process their emotions and then go picking for a fight to make it everyone else’s problem
my european impression of america is that everyone seems to be a bit more on edge in general. i've only ever been once and i am a cold european so idk how well it tracks.
*wobbles hand*
Like yes but also no. It's no like virtue I think we honor or uphold, but (and this is my theory) the fact that slavery is at the nation's root culturally means a lot of folks are always looking for a theoretical slave to vent their rage against. After being vented upon themselves.
So it becomes kind of about power. Someone screaming at like a fast food worker will have most folks think "why the fuck are you being a problem" but also it's low odds anyone steps in to mediate. I don't think anyone *likes* it, but a ton of folks do it to poorly process their own feelings.
I have to doubt it I think most Americans are just like most people in that they’re perfectly fine and kind enough but maintain their own biases, and the internet just gives people space to display those biases
IRL, we just bury it all down and save it for online or whatever self-destructive/other-destructive outlet we have. Some people do it healthily/are in therapy/work out/meditate. Everyone else (~70%) is just an overinflated balloon ready to burst.
American people have hot hearts. The Thai ideal is jai yen = a cool heart. Goes with all the cultural norms about good manners, remaining calm, not overtly disagreeing, accepting things etc. Americans seem to many to embody the opposite (much the same opinion expressed about Chinese btw)
right right that's the thing. every time I go outside people are very normal then I come online and social media always seems to have some kind of lunatic American (no offense, as I said some of my best friends... you know ;) )
Yeah, I don't know what the preponderance of loud Americans online is.....I think Americans are generally just very loud and we're prone to voice out our thoughts? I dunno
I feel like the internet tends to also give americans a bit more visibility, both by nature of "english" being the default language of apps and such, but also by algorythms and shit, which certainly doesn't help the constantness of "angry american screams about american thing" on the timeline
Yeah, there's a lot of pent-up rage and frustration that just leaks out. Also, no universal mental health care and a dominance of toxic masculinity amplify all of that, even in the real world. There's a reason even Black Friday sales are a bloodbath
Since the 50s the CIA has understood and utilized social psychological factors to play on the insecurities of men who have been abused into submission (who then want agency and authority of their own) by displacing their anger onto anyone except the forces of power that have subjugated them.
Not all the time! Only when in a position of feeling untouchable, which happens both online and when interacting with someone in retail or food service.
As someone who worked in retail and food service, it's a remarkably similar flavor of hair-trigger outrage and contempt.
A lot of teachers were the same way in my experience. When Americans get into positions of power, a lot of them start acting like Henry VIII. Deviating from their expectations of total subservience ignites absolute fury within them
Gotta keep in mind that America is a big place with a lot of different cultures around. Like, even looking at individual states, you're potentially gonna have multiple different cultures based around different cities and rural areas.
These different cultures are mostly gonna self-select even in online spaces- though to a degree this is complicated by groups coming together in ways that aren't regional. For example, 'the trans community' is drawn from all over, whereas 'the Silicon Valley (SV) Community' is region-based.
With all that said, the most directly relevant filter is probably that most Americans don't use the internet as their primary form of socialization; if someone is spending most of their social time online, it's probably a result of being excluded from offline communities for one reason or other.
This means that rather than being a perfect cross section of America and its psyche, a lot of the Americans you encounter online are going to be people who are facing significant social problems. People who have better social networks offline will spend more time with them, and less online.
Different people will have different problems, different kinds of stress, and different responses to that stress- but the main thing is that most people who are Very Online are online because it's one of their primary sources of community and/or stress relief.
There are exceptions- people who are online for primarily business reasons, promoting something they made or a professional skill they have, and who are using the internet to do so, for example- but my read is that this isn't typical for people who are Very Online.
Sometimes, yes, but typically that tension is capped by social norms, so it can be avoided if you just don't go on the highways, don't go to or near anywhere people are drinking publicly, are having a protest, watching a professional sport, don't work ~90% of minimum wage jobs, etc 🙃
Ehhh. Sort of? The effect is much more pronounced online but you do see this sort of behavior if you are driving for example. For me I'm the same person more or less, just as gay :3
like other people said, it’s a little different based on region, but it’s really just how much people pretend they aren’t angry in my experience. Midwesterners and some Southerners will pretend not to be angry but they’re still just as angry as everyone else and it shows online lmao
I left the US 12 years ago, but I lived in a red town in a sea of blue (California) and people were legitimately like this when I left. They say it happens in California before it spreads to the rest of the country. I guess it did.
We smile and grit our teeth through meatspace and let emotions out when exposed to the Internet.
I've been trying to force myself to be more open about my takes IRL, but it's tough out there.
Can't harsh the vibe, gotta stay positive even when I know cops are harassing people just down the street.
in my experience most people irl put on a friendly facade and pretend everything is normal to a degree that makes me feel insane. generally it's considered freak behavior to show strong emotion in public. it varies by region and community
It isn't a majority, but there is definitely a large number of people that act that way offline. Typical not at work as it is generally viewed as unprofessional for employees, but people can just be downright nasty in public.
Not really tbh, as someone who’s lived both in the US and abroad
ignore all the people saying it’s socially acceptable to yell in public here, it really isn’t and everyone agrees that doing it makes you look like an asshole
I was at the pharmacy the other day and standing a normal distance away from a man who, upon turning around, mumbled angrily, "Wearing a mask but being all up in my cereal..." before stomping away.
I think it depends on the generation and specific social dynamics of a given situation, but there is definitely a large swathe of the country that is permanently pissed off wherever they go. Even a lot of generally level-headed people sometimes blow up at you for minor reasons. Deeply unwell country
It’s gotten worse since Covid, but there is definitely a type of American that believes they are entitled to everything and even the most minor inconvenience is cause for blasting the world with their anger.
It's because of the American Principles of "racism" and "xenophobia" and a long hundred years tradition of populist leaders stocking these traditional principles of "racism" and "xenophobia."
You know, I'm remembering The Supermarket Shelf Incident (aka "it's racist to politely ask me for help reaching the top shelf because it _might_ mean you took me for _the help_).
Americans are _obsessed_ with whether they receive the right amount of respect for their imagined status.
This ain't really _unique_ to Americans, I've known plenty of the type in NL and PL, nor is it truly universal - but the median level of "RESPECT ME YOU WORM" seems to be crazy high.
Depends on the local culture I guess. Albion’s seed was a pretty good book on different white American folkways coming from different parts of Britain and how they influenced everything going forward.
I have my reservations abt it because it kind of gives a like “guns germs and steel” Esque like too perfect narrative feeling but it is somewhat accurate to what I’ve seen. I think Americans generally believe that outbursts are ok if you genuinely believe something (and won’t face consequences)
my boss (chudette) and a customer (lib) have gotten In several yelling matches over politics, usually immigration, and I think peoples takeaways is that both of them are “political”. like most ppl wouldn’t be talking like that but they just see it as like a personality landline to avoid or embrace.
I’ve always heard it’s more socially acceptable to get angry in the US, that they have more acceptance towards people yelling and ranting in the face of adversity than other places do, because that behaviour is associated with their cultural ideas of strength and the liberty to speak one’s mind
My understanding as a farang is that loudly and angrily yelling in public in Thailand is like, just about the worst social faux paus you can do, cause it violates like, three major Thai social norms or some such?
I feel like most cultures see being visibly angry as a personal loss of composure. It’s a really interesting difference to me from a cultural evolution standpoint!
culturally yes, it's very tense here and there is a huge sense of entitlement while also a sense of powerlessness.
people are very tense about things like, say, traffic, because it's out of their control yet every employer will fire you at the drop of the hat for being late because they can
it is pretty common, especially at anyone who is a safe target...like a visible minority of some kind, a woman, a low-level service worker like a cashier. queer spaces skew much better but are not immune.
i mean most people will regard you as an asshole or a lunatic here, too, but our culture has a rancid strain of power-worship that means a lot of americans—esp cishet white men—will feel envious of a wealthy person behaving like an asshole and facing no consequences and *aspire to emulate them*
imo a huge number of problems in the US come down to the wealthy flagrantly behaving like sociopathic pieces of shit and people viewing that as aspirational bc under the childish, stunted notion of individualism most prevalent here being an asshole is the pinnacle of independence and self-reliance
Most people will think someone screaming in public is behaving poorly here, it just...happens anyway.
America is not a mentally healthy place to be. The mixture of wealth, solitude and utter precarity leads to a populace desperate for any illusion of control, any feeling of power.
Its weird that anyone here thinks that's "powerful" and not an obvious sign they're, like, too broke to tip (should have spent less money on those high-capacity rifles, bruh)
America seems suuuper anomalous to me because thinking about it right now it feels like most places view strength as being manifested through emotional composure and self-control but America took things completely the other way and this is the first time I’ve ever heard anyone point it out!
it's still considered weird here to just go into a screaming fit, but closer to 'cringe' than 'totally off your rocker'
shouted expletives are pretty normal in some parts of the U.S. (Chicago, LA, NYC I think), but not universally. if you did that where I live, ppl would think you're an asshole
Even worse, those places take a perverse pride in it. I've often heard New Yorkers, in particular, say that anyone who doesn't like that just has thin skin, or can't handle honesty.
i dont think thats quite the same—with new yorker rudeness, the other person is allowed to be rude back. you can answer a “fuck you!” with “fuck you too!”
imo the really bad strain is in more hierarchical places where one person is allowed to be a huge pos and the other has to politely acquiesce
People think you’re a lunatic here too, but most people are non-confrontational and either get out their phones and start filming, or they shrink away and try not to be noticed.
You are only encouraged to rant and rave if it’s under certain conditions: you’re a white male, news cameras are present, it’s some kind of event, usually political. If you’re especially sobby and red-faced, you’ll get on the news.
I’m thinking specifically of the middle-aged couple in Michigan at an anti-covid-measures “rally” (a screaming rabble surrounded by news cameras) where the wife was melting down because her hairdresser was closed and she couldn’t get her hair done.
The internet definitely amplifies it, but the special blend of libertarianism, Protestantism, and white supremacist eugenics that makes up a large part of this country's culture seems to be perfect for creating millions of people whose only measure of success is the violent subjugation of others
I want to know too. I think I can count with my hands how many times in my life I've seen people lost their cool and goes on yelling and raging irl. Perhaps with one hand. In Thailand, we don't really do that. The first time I saw it was actually from a foreign teacher at my school lol.
Mmmm...yes and no. Not everyone is like that but everyone's reluctant to do something when someone starts having a tantrum like an overgrown child in public because the odds of it becoming a mass shooting go up significantly.
Being taught from birth that competition is the only way, standing on the head of those around you to get ahead is okay, and selfishness is a virtue likely doesn't help
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especially near customer service employees and traffic
personally, a lot of ppl tell me I'm calming to talk to, which confused me for a long time because I always feel like a chaotic mess
There is a substantial subset of people who will go out of there way to let strangers know they are angry about something inconsequential.
Yesterday while walking home from work I saw a man get out of his truck and hit the doors of the car in front of him because he wanted them to move forward so he could turn. They were stopped at a stoplight.
He did it twice.
The monoculture and empire collapsing at the same time and politicians stopped pretending to address material conditions
Like yes but also no. It's no like virtue I think we honor or uphold, but (and this is my theory) the fact that slavery is at the nation's root culturally means a lot of folks are always looking for a theoretical slave to vent their rage against. After being vented upon themselves.
I legit kinda wandered around in shock at how laid back EVERYONE was.
I still am a skittish, tense mess and Ive been here a year and a half. Old habits die hard?
I say this as an emotional exuberant loudmouth, who at least tries to keep those emotions positive and happy irl
With her kid in the backseat.
As someone who worked in retail and food service, it's a remarkably similar flavor of hair-trigger outrage and contempt.
I've been trying to force myself to be more open about my takes IRL, but it's tough out there.
Can't harsh the vibe, gotta stay positive even when I know cops are harassing people just down the street.
ignore all the people saying it’s socially acceptable to yell in public here, it really isn’t and everyone agrees that doing it makes you look like an asshole
I personally act no differently either way, but that's because I have no shame and a big personality.
50/50. the ones who make threats of violence? usually they will make the same threats face to face but would never make good on such threats
i know anybody like me is probably 30% lamer offline bc of speech issues <:) (i stutter and talk slow as hell)
Americans are _obsessed_ with whether they receive the right amount of respect for their imagined status.
It's mostly white men that get away with being angry (unsurprisingly)
people are very tense about things like, say, traffic, because it's out of their control yet every employer will fire you at the drop of the hat for being late because they can
America is not a mentally healthy place to be. The mixture of wealth, solitude and utter precarity leads to a populace desperate for any illusion of control, any feeling of power.
But if you yell really angrily at a cashier, maybe the manager won't want to deal with it, will let you use that expired coupon, and that is a win.
Americans can bury a thousand failures with one victory
shouted expletives are pretty normal in some parts of the U.S. (Chicago, LA, NYC I think), but not universally. if you did that where I live, ppl would think you're an asshole
imo the really bad strain is in more hierarchical places where one person is allowed to be a huge pos and the other has to politely acquiesce