GigSlave Goes Public With $84 Billion Valuation. Watch Full Onion News Network Segment Here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwlB... - ThreadSky

theonion.com • 10 days ago

GigSlave Goes Public With $84 Billion Valuation.

Watch Full Onion News Network Segment Here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwlBwyJVEfw

Comments

schnoidl.bsky.social•10 days ago

#slavecoin

cheesearmy1.bsky.social•10 days ago

nice, my profits from the slave trading market are really soaring

sunils.bsky.social•10 days ago

I have launched GigSlaveCoin where a new coin is minted every time a new GigSlave ticket is accepted. Putting Slavery on the Blockchain...

robgruber.bsky.social•10 days ago

Stop giving Silicon Valley ideas please

modest-proposal.bsky.social•9 days ago

😬

voiceofjeff.bsky.social•10 days ago

What it's ticker?

tauheed-elahee.ca•10 days ago

GSLV
You can see it on the top right of the chart at 0:08 in the video player or 0:14 in the preview.

If it goes any higher a stock split might happen and may allow more people to buy in at a lower price.

voiceofjeff.bsky.social•10 days ago

Nice, hope the dividends are good 👏

tauheed-elahee.ca•10 days ago

I think their current play is as a growth stock. After all, they are a tech company disrupting a looong established industry.

Once they monopolize the market, they'd prob give dividends like other tech stocks.

#NotFinancialAdvice

balloch.bsky.social•10 days ago

"peter thiel backed" 😂😂😂 ded

shypawg.com•10 days ago

When does it get acquired by the US government?

thispaulhere.bsky.social•9 days ago

"There's a slave for that" 😆

mclit123.bsky.social•10 days ago

The 💩-eating grins of the wealthy make my blood boil

ottojschlosser.bsky.social•10 days ago

How I dearly wish this was ridiculous satire and not a prediction.

theedavebing.bsky.social•10 days ago

Downloaded. My starter pack says that I host a super wealthy heir for a cocaine infused night rave at a rented Chateau Marmot bungalow &strategically place cameras to capture whatever might happen when female minors show up securing my investment opportunity. I’ll own him as long as I have the tapes

thornyopinion.bsky.social•10 days ago

When I first saw this I actually thought it was real... about 5-10 seconds. But I did fall for it.

dasistnumberwang.bsky.social•9 days ago

Hope this isn't a prophecy

v-ron.bsky.social•10 days ago

Damn 😧

hopesprayers.bsky.social•10 days ago

Another grest success has been Kidney Mart.

pepperchini.bsky.social•10 days ago

I know, I’ve sold 26 kidneys last month! I just hope to many kidneys sellers don’t join because I’d hate to loose all these sales!

chicagotafia.bsky.social•10 days ago

26, I donated 200.

https://youtu.be/D_5nLxZVoPo?si=FQ-sofvBDcye92Pw

pepperchini.bsky.social•10 days ago

Bro stop, I’d have sold all those for you and cut you in!

lemur34.bsky.social•10 days ago

This is one of those posts where in like 6 years people are going to be reposting it saying "damn, the Onion predicted the future again"

bobhoyng.bsky.social•10 days ago

I was going with six months. :P

chicagotafia.bsky.social•10 days ago

Yep

debrota.bsky.social•10 days ago

God, The Onion is brilliant.

adam-ross.bsky.social•10 days ago

GigSlave: “Work Shall Set You Free”

david-the-goliath.bsky.social•10 days ago

Their slogan? "The future of work is unpaid, and it's now." Finally, a company that understands the true value of unpaid overtime.

taoofsarcasm.bsky.social•10 days ago

This is how trump envisions fulfilling his no taxes on tips or overtime pledge.

aurora-lax.bsky.social•10 days ago

LMFAO
That's the vision of the future they have in stock for us! Get your shares today—just don’t expect to cash out before you're dead

richservo.bsky.social•10 days ago

The plan is to build the world's largest labor surplus!

drgregmaguire.bsky.social•10 days ago

GigTrafficking has chosen to stay private, using VC and now Private Equity capital to expand. Private placements are available for billionaire investors. Insiders say Robert Kraft is taking a large position in the company.

twentyninedollars.bsky.social•10 days ago

I mean, sure slavery is bad...but it gets shit done, and I needed to have my 12 acre lawn mowed twice weekly for under $72.
These unionized workers have NO idea how much it costs to maintain my two planes. It's so rude, and it hurts me! here [points to heart] where it hurts!!!