Report: Some Small Town Enjoying Last Days Of Anonymity Before Harrowing Tragedy theonion.com/report-... - ThreadSky

theonion.com • 1 day ago

Report: Some Small Town Enjoying Last Days Of Anonymity Before Harrowing Tragedy
https://theonion.com/report-some-small-town-enjoying-last-days-of-anonymity-1819575562/

Comments

woojiarong.bsky.social•18 hours ago

So dark. Nice.

ceu---azul.bsky.social•1 day ago

they're eating the parakeets !

iabacon.bsky.social•1 day ago

Since you guys started reporting the news, have you been allowed in the White House press pool?

boots.mcgavin.rocks•1 day ago

Lol right I too was like “this is not satire.”

iabacon.bsky.social•1 day ago

I would love to have an Onion correspondent at the White House.

anywhy.bsky.social•1 day ago

They could take Associated Press' spot, since Trump banned them over the Gulf of Mexico thing.

iabacon.bsky.social•1 day ago

What does the Onion call the Gulf?

anywhy.bsky.social•1 day ago

A friend with benefits.

boots.mcgavin.rocks•1 day ago

It’s probably because they report accurate news that they aren’t allowed in tbh

iabacon.bsky.social•1 day ago

I was trying to think if the Daily Show sent a correspondent to the White House. I think they did during the Biden Administration.

factbased4evr.bsky.social•23 hours ago

They had one for January 6th, I remember him trying to keep up the the maga guy on his Segway.

xziertengal.bsky.social•1 day ago

Eunumclaw, WA mentioned

warwilf.bsky.social•1 day ago

Tourism?

nazara.bsky.social•1 day ago

Enumclaw, WA in June 2005

jbretd.bsky.social•1 day ago

Sadly Trump will decimate many of these

plicketyplunk.bsky.social•17 hours ago

Ain't that the damn truth!

piebrain.bsky.social•22 hours ago

yup

pmahling.bsky.social•22 hours ago

Good thing that small town is somehow uniquely strong and equipped to deal with the tragedy by coming together, unlike the thousands of other similar towns that would and could do the exact same thing.

quebecgenx.bsky.social•1 day ago

Every town will get their 15 minutes of infamy 😬

korihikarivt.bsky.social•1 day ago

Crazy how onion posts feel more realistic than the actual news right now

threearrows3.bsky.social•16 hours ago

Lockerbie Redux

bozo9er.bsky.social•19 hours ago

Between how spot on The Onion has been in fortune telling lately, and the fact that this looks exactly like a neighboring town of mine, im not sure if I should giggle, or run and hide...

shenannigans.bsky.social•1 day ago

It's hard to imagine a town like Flint or Aurora having like a seperate earlier identity before they were hijacked into becoming lasting symbols of a greater problem.

ojamapurble.bsky.social•1 day ago

300ps.bsky.social•1 day ago

Speaking truth to denial.

robinsversion.bsky.social•16 hours ago

The way this stock image looks so similar but not the exact same as the main strip of the town I grew up in is fucking with me tbh

danielbullen.bsky.social•22 hours ago

Dang...

ryand79.bsky.social•1 day ago

Grim.

mladenerjavec.com•1 day ago

The only question is whether a plane is gonna fall on the town square or there'll be an outbreak of some entirely preventable disease for which the townies refused to vaccinate their children for cause them smart.

ava-enithesi.bsky.social•22 hours ago

My guess is tornado. There’s a possibility of a bad outbreak and strong tornadoes in a few days, too.

velociryan.bsky.social•22 hours ago

Atomic tornado, since Rump is gonna try and nuke it.

ava-enithesi.bsky.social•13 hours ago

There is a bad scifi b movie called “Atomic Twister”. But even in the dumb scifi b movie universes we’re not fking stupid enough to try nuking a tornado

andipete.bsky.social•12 hours ago

With no advance warning because DOGE shut down NOAA

teghain.bsky.social•21 hours ago

Don’t forget our dose of “who knew it could happen here” school shooting. 😞

steveperkins62.bsky.social•1 day ago

"It's all good, MAGA administration says that the radiation isn't That bad. RFK Jr actually says that it's good for you,& is touting supplements containing soil from the nuclear disaster site."

leafybins.bsky.social•1 day ago

We'll never forget the bowling green massacre.

mariandioguardi.bsky.social•23 hours ago

Too true

apanthrope.bsky.social•1 day ago

A school shooting will do more than your local tourist board to put your town's name on the map.

bizzayb.bsky.social•23 hours ago

This is basically the little town I moved to at age 5. It was a quiet little lakeside town that was pretty much only known around the local area... until the town's first ever murder made the news when I was around 13 or 14 years old.

walker33.bsky.social•1 day ago

OMG 🤣

laozipoet.bsky.social•1 day ago

There was a time when I'd read an onion headline (before realizing it's by the onion) and think that's so crazy it can't be true.
Now I see it and think, that's so crazy and stupid that it has to be true.

jlk-greystone.bsky.social•1 day ago

Funny in a dark way, but isn't all real humor these days dark? But there is a harrowing tragedy coming for small towns. Most in urban areas will be absorbed by the surrounding larger urban areas just to make ends meet or collectively pulled together to form an "urban area" that merits funding. 🍸🤔🚬

americanjimmy.bsky.social•1 day ago

"WHAT? The mayor is a cannibal and is responsible for all those missing sex workers from the truckstops?"

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