Nation Uses Extra Hour Of Daylight To Sun Perineums Even Harder theonion.com/nation-... - ThreadSky

theonion.com • 2 days ago

Nation Uses Extra Hour Of Daylight To Sun Perineums Even Harder https://theonion.com/nation-uses-extra-hour-of-daylight-to-sun-perineums-even-harder/

Comments

samsonsliteye.bsky.social•1 day ago

cant wait to see the google stats for PERINEUM spike in a day or two 😆

kcghostwriter.bsky.social•2 days ago

Taken care of.

sireuchre.bsky.social•1 day ago

Usually a darkened taint is from OTHER causes.

rubyknot.bsky.social•2 days ago

Jardiance thanks you.

bagger1337.bsky.social•2 days ago

Every groin needs a good sunbath

ccompy.bsky.social•1 day ago

Aim that at the White House if you don’t mind

exfeeb.bsky.social•1 day ago

Pics or it didn't happen

steve-in-nj.bsky.social•1 day ago

I'd like to Moon Congress but I'm too lazy to travel to DC.

oregonrandy.bsky.social•1 day ago

(enjoying the 💡's lighting up as people previously unfamiliar with "Perineums" looking it up, and the resulting ads generated on their devices...)

poconopeak.bsky.social•2 days ago

@matthewmercer.bsky.social

dkxkee.bsky.social•2 days ago

This taint possibly be true.

ironweed.bsky.social•2 days ago

Come on down to Untainted Arizona

red-diavolo.bsky.social•2 days ago

The exact position Trump is in whenever he meets with Putin

hans-offen.bsky.social•1 day ago

say it taint so!

plicketyplunk.bsky.social•1 day ago

And people actually do this for real? I guess I am so out of touch I never realized. 😲

frothythesquirrel.bsky.social•2 days ago

*Thoth, sipping his coffee as he looks down on people's taints*

They used to build statues of me....

dgtldva.bsky.social•1 day ago

Does Tucker Carlson know? I hope so. 😂

craigfaanes.bsky.social•2 days ago

Leave it to the Onion

stevelouise.bsky.social•2 days ago

Samesies

dermann51.bsky.social•1 day ago

Goes with Tucker Testicle Tanning™️

commiequeer25.bsky.social•1 day ago

It was only 50* outside but my taint is tanned.

dtk371.bsky.social•1 day ago

Ring light?

nunciobitis.bsky.social•1 day ago

OMG ouch.
Places where the sun don't shine should not see the sun

jakewilson98.bsky.social•1 day ago

That's not very nice to the people of Scotland.

quirky-gal.bsky.social•14 hours ago

Omg...how do you guys think these things up

alphadeltab.bsky.social•2 days ago

Shoot. Who you telling.

tukoandliza.bsky.social•2 days ago

"Balls" said the queen.
"If I had 2 I'd be the King".

The King laughed.
Not because he wanted to.
Because he had 2.

frothythesquirrel.bsky.social•2 days ago

lyintad.bsky.social•1 day ago

Can you help me apply the lotion?

uwops.bsky.social•2 days ago

Great balls of fire.

toddadam.bsky.social•2 days ago

inktomi.bsky.social•1 day ago

Dermatologists hate this one weird trick!

nunciobitis.bsky.social•1 day ago

"You'll shit your pants when you find out about this one weird trick!!!"

peggyteixeira.bsky.social•2 days ago

But it's not an extra hour. We lost an hour. ??

wilshirewolf.bsky.social•1 day ago

It's lighter an hour longer after people get off work.

luecke69.bsky.social•2 days ago

Finally SOME fun today… thanks!

ktdallas.bsky.social•1 day ago

I can’t keep up with these trends. Last I heard people wanted bleached perineums.

trexshortarmkiller.bsky.social•2 days ago

Tucker incoming in 5... 4... 3...

gamedog3141.bsky.social•1 day ago

Taint what I did.

tiffncolorado.bsky.social•2 days ago

@taytayynwa.bsky.social
I stg. 🤣

ecothewatch.bsky.social•1 day ago

Remember when Tucker Carlson was seriously telling people to do this.

I feel like that should be mentioned every time he is in the news.

jcbeaches.bsky.social•1 day ago

I am really enjoying this one - and it cracks (no pun intended!) me up that they base the "story" in Cleveland as I once lived there! I do not recall this happening at Edgewater Beach, but I lived there a long time ago and things can change 😁

slats76.bsky.social•1 day ago

Always good to change your ring tone.

nunciobitis.bsky.social•1 day ago

OMG you win the internet

erssaw.bsky.social•1 day ago

Sun your perineum, tan your testes, and use a light wand up your butt. It's all healthy, makes you a real man, and could kill unwanted viruses.

caryfreakingrant.bsky.social•1 day ago

Taint true!

coach9.bsky.social•1 day ago

Paws up!

drkwildschut1984.bsky.social•1 day ago

I’m looking at you @jonathanstea.bsky.social 👀

bobm0220.bsky.social•2 days ago

Is that Lindsey Graham?

2boutdoors2.bsky.social•1 day ago

I thought only trucker carlton did that

bettan13.bsky.social•1 day ago

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

analarkin.bsky.social•1 day ago

🤣

imjokingrelax.bsky.social•2 days ago

Nation Uses Extra Hour Of Daylight To Use The Finger Cleaner Even Harder Publicly

tykebrahe.bsky.social•2 days ago

Are there other potential uses?

Asking for a friend

imjokingrelax.bsky.social•1 day ago

I dont know, very confused by the website ”Strong and varying grip, suction and tightness.”

indicina.bsky.social•1 day ago

I think it’s testicles that are more likely to be exposed for tanning purposes.

It’s a Republican bro thing.

Women are too busy to tan their perineums.

basedhits.bsky.social•2 days ago

Mom always said, a tan gooch is a healthy gooch.

xcott.bsky.social•1 day ago

The star of the morning taint

Star meets Starfish
Sun meets moom

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