In my case, I think it's very obvious I'm gay (I didn't EVER have any girlfriend, I listen to Kylie Minogue's songs a lot of times, I like opera, I'm a fan of Doctor Who, I walk too fast), but my neighbors still think I'm straight 🤷🏽♂️.
It's not obvious at first. I'm not 100% out. I've let something like 50-60 people in my main circles know, and 1 person said they knew. Most were surprised. But then I'm Episcopalian, a theater pianist, I play TCGs, I like clothes shopping, I yap, I like girly shit like boba tea and thrifting etc
Currently my painted nails, but occasionally my voice and generally my chattiness. (But also, having been in the closet so long, surprisingly little, which also got me hate crimed by a fellow queer who decided I wasn't gay at all and was, in fact, infiltrating 🤔)
I'm somewhat GNC and far quieter and gentler than what might be expected of a man. Otherwise, I try to stay just stealth enough that you might be second-guessing yourself unless I explicitly mention anything. I feel safer that way.
My favorite color is purple. I get along with most women. I do cardio classes with mostly women. But mostly my laugh and scream. Both sound like a 7 year old girl. 🤷♂️🤦♂️
I got clocked as a gay man before I even transitioned. The way that I decided I didn't want to do the cishet mating dance and instead pursued the men I was interested in was very SOMETHING to folks.
Oh and I dated the twinkiest 🚬 in 1997 who was wholly in surprise at himself the whole damn time.
If someone thinks I'm straight I'll start talking about the four vintage female actresses I most adore Judy Garland, Elizabeth Taylor, Greta Garbo, and Doris Day.
The worst is when they say, "I wouldn't have guessed!" or, "You don't seem like it!" Like it's a compliment. I admit, that hasn't happened in a while. Maybe I've subtly started acting gayer, or maybe people started to realize how offensive that sounds. Ionno.
I had a date tell me I was the straightest gay guy he'd ever met. My response: you're aware your dick was in my mouth less than 30 seconds ago? Was that not convincing?
Like 20ish years ago a friend came out to me and one of the first things I said in response was "wow really? That's surprising I had no idea" exactly like you're describing. And I still think about it and feel bad sort of frequently.
Comments
[waves hands around frantically]
(While there are cishet men who are equally vain about their beards, they still usually make some effort to remain appealing to women.)
My 'look' is def meant to appeal to other beardy guys.
Oh, but it's definitely the collection of cross body bags that I refer to as my gay little bags.
I usually do it so matter of factly, people don't connect the dots, but a few seconds later, "Oh you're gay!"
* comes up in a convo
Oh and I dated the twinkiest 🚬 in 1997 who was wholly in surprise at himself the whole damn time.
Sifting Dart from the masks.
I realized right after this that;
“I used to be terrified of being seen as queer, now I worry that I won’t be.”
I’m going to take that as growth, but also an accurate assessment of where I can continue to grow
This is not intentional.
We just have surprisingly similar tastes in shorts.
(Otherwise I don't know.)
Me: Yes.