Yes :) There were 4 steps: 3 yo they became tired with school and slept early, that's when I could achieve academic duties during the day and grant/paper writing in the evening, 6 yo added some work in the evening/weekends as they play alone + occasional pyjama parties at friends -> date nights !!
...8 yo when I could leave the younger with his 11 yo sister to run errands by myself; and then 11 yo the younger / 14 yo the older now, I feel safe leaving them at home together for real date nights. I still check my phone, but still it makes a huge difference !!
The tough period for me was between 3 and 10 yo, when the little time you get from them must be shared between research and partner... It's hard on the relationship. Now with teenagers, I have the luxury of not neglecting one or the other.
I have a horrible feeling there's like a 2-year window where they are grown, settled and self-sufficient, before they then have their own kids and the whole cycle begins again
Yeah, once they are teenagers and start blowing you off you’ll get all your time back. That’s also when they can reliably do chores. But you will be sad that you don’t have as many chances to connect.
Yes! When my oldest 2 hit 15 and 13 I finally started running and working out again. My wife and I were able to go out for dinners and after school wasn’t as bad.
I’m not sure it was still more productive b/c the number of things they did/places to be increased though. 😂😭
I did dozens of stupid, bureaucratic things this week and attended many useless meetings. And I felt 100% unproductive. Is this what the taxpayer pays me to do?
Me too and I feel like it’s more than it used to be.
Time spent on scholarly pursuits (scientific research/lab/experiments, reading, mentoring, lecturing) seems to be being squeezed away, and for what?
I also often think “is this how they want a PhD trained scientist to spend their time?”
Out university bean counters (rightfully) claim that research productivity is poor given the investment (an average of 40% of our time (hence salary) is supposed to be research). Well I did 2 hours of research this week and 34 hours of research associated bureaucracy.
They think their new AI tool is going to make our grants better (after you sign up for a course on how to use it…). Why don’t they reduce the bureaucracy instead and incentivize grant writing and see what happens. That’s actually free!!
Since the reviewers are probably using AI anyways it might capture the peer review comments pretty well! That’s the only excuse I have for the stupidity of some of the comments I got!
When our older one hit 8th grade (younger one was in 5th) I felt a big shift. They could be left alone at home for date nights and errands and that made a huge difference.
Yes. I enjoyed the benefit of being a teenage father which meant I could package out from IBM when I was 46 - my youngest was 23. In the next ten years I got a masters degree, started two businesses and made most of my lifetime earnings. And retired again at 60.
11 & 8 years old here, and it is definitely getting better. Coming back alone from school, the older one taking bikes or public transportation on her own to some of her activities. Hang in there!
Yes, it changes as they age. We found there was less physical demand but way more mental and emotional work as they became teens. Then they leave home and 20 years later you’re still making way too much spaghetti.
Enjoy—rest when you can.
Crockpot. Rice cooker.
It got much better for me in terms of time when they were able to come back from school by themselves . Suddenly freed up at least one hour per day, which is huge when compounded over time …
Yes! There are 2 steps to look forward to. 1) You do need to be in the house but not continuously stare at them for fear they will munch a lightbulb, 2) You get to go to the grocery store and leave them home alone but not just - get this: you can even goto dinner alone with your SO w/out a sitter.
They will pivot suddenly to happily watching screens all day and totally ignoring you, and you can get tons of work done while you hate yourself for being a bad parent. Enjoy!!
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I’m not sure it was still more productive b/c the number of things they did/places to be increased though. 😂😭
Time spent on scholarly pursuits (scientific research/lab/experiments, reading, mentoring, lecturing) seems to be being squeezed away, and for what?
I also often think “is this
Enjoy—rest when you can.
Crockpot. Rice cooker.
And it happens earlier if you embrace benign neglect as a parenting style