When I was still in the thick of it, I told a friend I had barely cleaned my condo in 3 months. She offered up her own housekeeper then showed up w/her & another friend. Cleaned my entire place. Huge weight lifted.
I meant to add that it's never too late to help. Just by listening you may hear a need you can fill. I learned so much from the generosity I was shown.
I needed that. Thanks. My son, Ked, passed away 3 mo ago. I miss him terribly. I had multiple friends venmo me $$ for whatever I needed. That was their casseroles.
Also just calling or texting everyday for 6 months. Say something...my friend reported to me I saved her life literally doing that. And not stopping every other day for 3 more months and evenly week for the next three months. Letting her talk. Sending postcards. Presents.
What a great response. Twelve years later, I still remember…deep in my grief, a friend came over and said I’m here to cheer you up, you’ve wallowed long enough! (2weeks) Uhhh that’s the furthest thing from my mind. My grief was too difficult for her to be around.
My dad passed away 3 years ago today. As an only child & losing my mom 7 yrs prior I was left to handle everything. At that time all I wanted was for someone to ask if I was ok or if I needed anything but as the “strong one”, as an uncle told me, I was left to manage mostly all alone. It was awful.
I learned this lesson 30 yrs ago when our dad died suddenly and young and a few days later, my mom's friends came to our house unannounced. They did laundry, brought meals for freezing & put a schedule on the fridge of who was going to drive us to ballet (sis) piano (me) & math tutor (bro) lessons.
In Jewish tradition people bring food to the grieving family and often serve it to them. There are often “sign up” sheets at the home of the bereaved to make sure their meals are covered. Nigella would have known and respected this act of kindness
So much this. If not food, call or text. Ask how I’m doing today, that you love me, thinking of me, whatever. Deep grief has been one of the hardest things I’ve been thru, navigating my own grief while trying to help family. I don’t have the head space to call or ask for help.
If I had a dollar for every time someone would call or text and say “call me if you need me” when they haven’t been around to know what’s even going on, I’d could by a couple dozen eggs.
I want to live in a world surrounded by people that kind. We are more alienated and lonely than ever. Grieving can be a process of remembering and trying to forget at the same time. For some, the pain never went away, and it never will. With sympathy to all who have lost that someone.
Been advocating this for years!! Seems obvious, but not everyone agrees: Had a therapist-friend admonish taking action to help rather than shoulder the task of parsing out what help they need across those offering… said it can insult recipient about their ability to do themself whatever is donated
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You do not stop loving someone just because you cannot see them.
Spiders can fly across the ocean, they spin their webs on electromagnetic fields we cannot see.
That’s where you’ll find your beloved.
A sign, animal, plant, will show you a presence.
Peace♥️🕊️
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