bruh this is way too real. Back when I was in high school, I got myself into the same situation with a counsellor not once but twice. You tell them something dangerous about your family that gives you anxiety and they go "WOW I WONDER IF I SHOULD GIVE YOU EVEN MORE ANXIETY RIGHT NOW LMAO".
"Don't take life so seriously it's not permanent" has always been my motto. If you feel like committing suicide just put it off for 60 or 70 years. YOU CAN DO IT!
Wasn't there a reply on the original that talked about how in the 80's and 90's therapists were having real no-shit problems trying to come up with reasonable and actionable responses in the wake of climate change stress? Or something to that effect.
nice detail on him heavily squeezing the stress toy when she calls Milo’s parents. Seriously. Ya dont do that unless the child is in a safe environment at home and even then ya fuuuuukin ask the damn kid first.
i deadass told my 7th grade school counselor that i feel depressed about myself and I'm insecure because of my father (abusive father) and she, while i'm still in front of her, called him.
I had a school counselor who basically did the same thing too. I even told them "please do not tell my parents" and they went ahead and told my parents, who were rather angry when I got home from school.
I still struggle to trust adults & open up to this day.
This is why I always denied how bad I was feeling in highschool. Also that time when I got hurt in sport class I refused to let them call my mom, scared of what she would've say. I told her myself later that day, but I don't want to let OTHER people explain what happened to ME
The was a period in highschool where for most of a full year unless forced too I outright refused to speak to anyone. it was entirely started because of the faculty and counselor's actions and treating me like a criminal for not wanting to be beaten with chairs by classmates.
Had something like this happen in middle school, kid said he wanted to kill himself and the teachers immediate response was "your not allowed to say that! We're legally required to haul you to an asylum if you say that!"
luckily this is starting to become a story no one understands. I understand how it happened; I was alive then. That's why I didn't talk to a lot of people since high school. ;)
Looking back, I really do think he thought he was helping. I mean, this was a dude giving out free therapy to students in a small liberal-arts college, probably not the MOST up-and-up in retrospect
My mother found out I am Bi through a suicide letter upon being checked into a ward. She had a very lengthy speech when I got discharged about how she'd rather have me in her life and Bi rather than me be dead.
My father still doesn't know, but this far into life I don't think it matters.
When I was in college I didn’t tell anyone at school unless they were a girl asking me out on a date (which, thanks to being actually gay, happened daily). I’d write gay stories in fiction writing class and deny that it was about me >.<
HAHA RIGHT? Thankfully I had come out to my mom three years prior and she knew, and was willing to explain to my principal why that is absolutely not acceptable, but can you imagine if she WASN'T cool with it?!
It was a pretty rural school with a small student population and I'm pretty sure I was the only queer kid they'd ever had. My family was pretty infamous there for being weird lol
I will scream it from the rooftops as someone who works in mental health. School "counselors" are not mental health professionals, they are more like HR staff for student populations. They aren't required to follow MH ethics like a therapist, their job is to make you an "efficient" student not help
also people under 18 don't get to have doctor-patient confidentiality. you basically can't tell a therapist anything you wouldn't directly tell your parents
If you are working with a professional and you're under 18, it is important to have a conversation with them about what could get to parents. If they are unwilling to do this (outside of safety/mandated reporting), it may be best to look elsewhere
Not everywhere, in BC, Canada, people over the age of 12 have the legal right to consent or not consent to any medical things and to keep their information confidential.
I feel this so hard me talking to my counselor just got me expelled. I was expressing strong feelings for things going on in my life and they somehow thought me saying I hated some kids made me a risk to students. I cried about students tossing dead animals in my car and I was the one expelled lmao
Reminds me of when I came out to one of my teachers as trans, they put me in touch with a local support group with the knowledge that my parents probably wouldn't be supportive of it
The group phoned my house directly and asked for me under my preferred name in the middle of dinner lmao
I got chased out of Texas earlier than planned because Walgreens called my dad's phone to let me know my HRT was ready to pick up. Not the same thing as a counseling fuckup, but holy shit did it not go well.
I once had a school counselor tell me that my problem is "I try to help others too much" while i was trying to tell them a friend of mine was being stalked by another student.
I have had one (1) useful interaction with a counselor/therapist ever and it was a college one after [event that made news, not doxxing myself]
every other time was some flavor of this or "if you have had a suicidal ideation ever in your entire life, that is what we will be discussing, forever"
…christ, so it wasn’t just my millennial ass who got stuck with a dumbfuck counselor. “Hello Stego’s Parents, did you know Stego is saying he has problems at home not trusting you?”
I got bullied SO MUCH in middle school and their "advice" was hot garbage if they gave any at all, and on top of that I pretty much was always the one in trouble for reacting
Learned from all that that it's best to just shut up about having problems cause all it's gonna do if I bring them up is I'm gonna be considered the problem
I'm 45 and I'm still so sensitive to this specific injustice that I'm ready to physically fight when I see someone getting blamed for defensive reactions.
I got the “just be fwieeeeeeeeeeeeeends with your bully” advice so much, from both a counselor and a principal absolutely desperate to avoid acknowledging that the bully hated the school so much that he was tormenting other kids in an effort to get expelled on purpose.
Honestly, when a bully exhibits behaviour that would get them *fully arrested or sued* as an adult, they should get bad consequences, because letting it fester is a disaster waiting to happen.
Literally had this happen to me with my highschool counselor and to this day I still hear from my parents about how the school was trying to indoctrinate me and lie to me about how I was gay and depressed and how they were abusive
the same basically happened to me, I complained about stress levels and me being stupid (I had undiagnosed Autism and I wasn't aware of it) and they called my parents who just told me that I don't know what real stress is and got angry at me for being stressed and sad
And if there's no law, should the the parents find out they might just post about it on a far right facebook page and get people to send the school officals bomb threats
The better way would unironically be to keep parents as far out of the loop on education as possible. When parents get involved with schools, it always ends in disaster
Instead of bitching about schools not being transparent, they should try to form a human connection with their children
Either their kid "isn't getting enough help" and blame the teacher, but don't realize it's because the district is overworking the teacher, or they "do their own research" and think they know better
Either way, parents don't put enough effort into teaching their kids because they're also overworked
There has been a massive and sadly successful push for parents rights groups that literally has made reporting laws that school officials have to report behaviors including transitioning to parents. It sucks ass.
1. Legal stuff. A lot of schools are under requirements to voice concerns about students to their parents, regardless of the context of those concerns.
2. Lots of counselors and school staff operate on this naïve idea that parents are inherently virtuous and always care about the...
... child's wellbeing. Thus, any harm their actions are causing their child must be because the parents are just misinformed somehow. It's why they seem completely blindsided when they explain the problem to the parents and the parents continue to be awful: it's counterintuitive to their worldview.
theres GOTTA BE a better way to like approach it though. like "hey if you hit that wasp nest with a stick i get stung by wasps" MAYBE DONT JUST IMMEDIATELY smack it with a stick ;_; theres gotta be like UPDATES to this process
The fundamental problem is this: the rule is that children are the property of their parents. Parents know what's best, and that's the law. There are only very narrow exceptions to that.
Yeah, I think some of it too is like "oh, they just reacted like that because their *young child* told them. If I, the *professional mature adult* told them instead, I'm sure they'll get it." A horrible combination of naïveté, narcissism and stupidity.
PSA from someone who studies counseling; if you are over 16 (or 14 in some places) you can have your councillor's licence revoked for doing anything even remotely similar to this
Real talk this was the kind of shit that fucked me up growing up. Made it really hard for me to seek a therapist out over the past 2 years. Also the money, but honestly that was a shitty excuse I gave.
I always felt like there's no point because the therapists of my youth were never on my side.
Side note. Dont put off therapy like I did. As an adult it can help you with some serious change in your life.
Working on yourself solo can only go so far, especially when you find yourself stuck thinking in circles and spiraling constantly like I did (and still struggle with, kinda.)
It was even better when they told my parents to get me tested and it turned out I have ADHD and after the doctors suggested how to handle things my mom was like, Nah I'll just kick the shit bag outta the house 🙃
I still have the paperwork. In a cabinet next to my bed. They suggested to her treatments and medicine to help me, it's in the paperwork. She instead waited a few years till I turned 18, with no meds or treatment. And as soon as I was 18, said pay rent or GTFO. When I couldn't pay, she kicked me out
Its not like anything even changed abt u, u always had it, but apparently being diagnosed makes u "worthless". dawg ur parents dont deserve u anyway. Hope ur having a nice life (:
Things were tough for a bit. I joined the military to get things on track for myself. That was years ago. I'm in a safe and stable place now with some great friends ^^
I called a children's help line when I was a teenager and they told me my problems were not that as bad as other people who call and that I shouldn't feel bad.
I’m glad I’ve been lucky enough to not have this happen in both high school and college. My family didn’t find out about me being a gayass furry until a falling out we had in the latter half of my senior year of college; at that point I’d been going for 10 years of them not knowing jack shit.
When a complete idiot not only doesn't read the room but opens the lion's cage and thinks she is putting the phone to her ear but is really put her head in the lion's mouth
If i have a kid and i get a call like this i am 100% cussing out that councilor bc this happened to me and they need to be put in their place. School councilors/psychologists are NOT to be trusted for advice or safe space
I remember when I was really going through it seeing a "why you shouldn't" list like this online and one of the points was "you'll never get to see how the Star Wars sequel trilogy ends" lmao
I like the difficult-to-read color choices, it really highlights their incompetence and inability to contextualize. If they took ANY train of thought just a SINGLE step forward...
3. You are special! 🎆
4. The blank eternity of nonexistence is a terrifying state of being that should be avoided at all costs: stave off the all-consuming void before you are unable to stop forever from passing over your cold remains 🥶
5. God loves you 🙏
"Lower our statistics" hits hard. We had a failed suicide at our school, left him partially paralyzed. According to his parents, he had written a speech about the bullying he had received, the names of who did it, and who he told.
They weren't going to let him walk during graduation because of it.
Dark topic, so I'm not trying to make light of it, but...
They weren't going to let him whatnow? Didn't they already accomplish that by not addressing the bullying? 😬
Only partially paralyzed, mostly to the right side of his body. He learned how to walk again, and watching him play video games with one hand was impressive as hell.
Oh ive got plenty of PTSD from my own hazing experiences and yearly bullying from school that took me decades to cope with. I know the struggle all too well.
I learned the hard way that if you're a target, their logic goes "the people assaulting you have been in my office 1 time each but you've been here 10 times, you're the common factor so you must be the problem so I'm punishing you"
I got multiple detentions for BEING punched in the face
Schools are dogshit when it comes to anything like this bullying is pretty much the same theyll somehow make it worse and then hold an assemble going "this is the 7th shotgun suicide this week what could possible be happening come talk to us"
i get what your saying but not really its human nature to be dicks to those you see as weaker than you to let out aggression (i say this as someone who has been bullied and a bully)
I remember the first time I told my mom I was depressed and all she said was "oh don't be upset"
Like thanks Mom lol
I love my mom, don't get me wrong, but I never talk about my feelings to my parents cause they just go "oh don't do that".
College counseling is maybe the worst idea ever. You're paired w/ someone who's only skilled enough to work with college students for free, you likely get zero out of it, & for your trouble, if people know you visited the office, you become "that weird/sad guy who needs therapy."
NEVER talk to the school counselor about your personal problems! They are not your friend, they are the high school equivalent of HR! They will rat you out not even for a song. For free!
God, the one time I tried, they did the same thing. Not even listening to me when I explained why. Then dumbfounded when I never "caught them up" on the situation again!
Yeah I always got the WHY treatment from my parents after I talked to the school social worker. Undiagnosed autistic me could never answer that question on the spot.
50 some years later, Why? is a question I hate. I think of the answers I want to give long after the trauma.
Have you done irl therapy?
Leveling helps!:
(1.) Self Esteem therapy
(3.) Behavoral Health therapy
(7.) Cognative Therapy
I jumped a lot this is what I have done + what I am doing.
This is why I spent the last two years of my educational career morbidly depressed and completely non-functional and then spent the next six years trying to fix myself.
But hey! At least I didn’t affect their suicide stats, so that’s good I guess.
Not just an American problem, in Singapore the school counsellors oftensnitch on their students too. Sometimes it's because of dumb protocols (" child expressed suicidal thoughts so by school policy I'm obliged to inform their parents or other agencies") other times they're just dumbasses like here.
That suicidal thoughts response thing annoys the hell out of me. Like, yes, people who are mandated to report do need to act, but too many people don’t understand the difference between “I want to die sometimes” and “I plan to actively kill myself the instant I leave this room with my knife”.
The former is a “let’s talk about it” situation, it is not even *remotely* the same as “this person is actively planning and prepared to cause significant harm”.
Yeah the latter is what most protocols state to actively report to higher ups, but don't expect most undertrained counsellors to effectively differentiate it from the former. They hear any mention of suicide ideation, and they panic. And in my culture, snitching is not frowned upon enough.
yeeeea, I learned very young that you don’t tell someone who isn’t a licensed therapist anything, as these people are, in fact, stupid, and don’t know the importance of like… confidentiality?
I learned very young you also don't tell a licensed therapist anything because they have zero idea what they're doing and also might be hired by your grandparent's lawyer to ruin your life.
This comic is the the definition of reason why Im scared of telling my parents or my school how I feel both mentaly and sexually (Scared of coming out as Bi), all my teen lifes I've been screamed and guilt tripped when something was hapening to me in school that I just don't anymore
It's really rough when a counselor or therapist misses the point that it's not quite something communication solves. I understand communication is important to their jobs, and a healthy avenue when it's an option, but it really isn't an option sometimes. A reason doctors have to offer discretion.
This! I spent so much of 2020 talking to a therapist about how depressed my family made me. Literally the only thing he EVER said was "well would you ever consider talking to them again?" no dude, I spent 30 years trying to talk to them, and they didn't listen.
I was forced to go to weekly counciling for the rest of school after my mom passed in 7th grade. For 7th and 8th it was ok. For Highschool? I had to waste an entire lunch period just to sit there and have NOTHING to say. And I wasn't allowed to opt out. It. Sucked.
"Counselor, I wanna kill myself after I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me. When I told my dad, he hit me and called me a pussy."
"I'm gonna call your dad and see what he thinks."
There was ONE councilor and kinda another I trusted. The first one was from elementary school. I have rly bad social anxiety and would cry under my desk. I used to be sent to the office A LOT.Until she would let me sit in hers. She was the sweetest and the only good part about elementary school.
This being said, I have had more bad interactions than good with school councilors. One litterally tried to force me to talk to her during my lunch. I said I dont want to talk about this rn but we can later. She blocked the door with her body and threatened to get me suspended. I shoved her, told-
Her that she can go right ahead and left. Then was pulled out of class to be yelled at by the vice and her. So I cried, went home and then the next week she had to go on leave for it :] because shes a pos.
Thankfully the one time I was sent to the school counselor for suicidal ideation, I had already heard about how godawful they are and didn't tell her anything
This was always me in high school but instead of it being willingly, it was mandatory.
Which would coincidentally lead to talks with my father in the following day reciting all my stated problems while trying to gaslight me into thinking it was all made up and/or was put in my head (:
I never wanted to see a therapist due to stories like this. I imagine if I tell them that I was gay, a furry, or anything else, I would have been told I was a freak or worse. Just not worth it...
If it can make you feel any better, therapists (at least, ones with a proper diploma and everything) are bound by patient confidentiality clauses. They could lose their license if they blab about what you said to them without your consent
GOD me when I emailed my sped teacher about being worried about being disowned for being trans and he emailed my parents about the worry almost immediately, who then forced me to show them the original email and then screamed at me
My school counselor never called my parents. She instead laughed at me when I told her I was SH-ing, and then when a very popular girl 💀 herself, she pushed grieving students out and locked her office for the day.
This one hurts because it's all too real. I was suicidal for much of my childhood but terrified of talking about my feelings because people around me, namely my parents, would just yell at me and guilt trip me over being depressed
When I was young I used to genuinely think that God hated me, and that he let me be born specifically to torment. Obviously growing up in an overwhelmingly Christian area meant I couldn't talk to anybody about that part or they'd get angrier at me
Same here I thought I was born just to suffer until I killed myself in what seemed to be a hellish reality. Turns out I was born to question all the suffering so I could help others - suicide or books - the method doesn't matter in the end as information propagates nonetheless.
God thats so fucking real. Would hold a knife to my chest almost daily throughout middle school & high school, daring myself to do it through oceans of tears. Couldnt tell my parents a fucking thing and i didn't have any close friends to confide in
I guess I got off a little lucky. My high school councilor just sort of started having a panic attack because there wasn't a pre-written script for what I was saying, so I just sighed and gave her the "You guys just don't get me," so she could belt out her lines and send me away.
Felt the same way growing up, that's why ill never take to my blood siblings and parents. As far im concerned they're dead to me. Hopefully things are looking alot better for you and there's something bright for you to focus on in this cruel yet oddly beautiful world.
My mom would punish me for being truthful with my therapist.
I was required to go for school due to my ADHD. She'd take my things away, harm me physically and ignore me.
I even got in trouble for confiding in a diary. Because if anyone found it what would THEY think.
Yikes. Don't miss it.
I’m so sorry. My mom did the same thing except that I wasn’t allowed to see the counselor at school because what if anyone found out she was a terrible parent? She would read my diary out loud. It took me a long time to unlearn all my survival strategies.
In elementary school, in combination with bad anxiety and a rough home life, I often threw crying fits at school, usually because I didn't understand something or was struggling. Instead of teaching proper coping methods, I got locked in a closet sized room and wouldn't be let out until I stopped.
This was special Ed btw, and it continued all the way from kindergarten to 5th grade. Because of it, I bottled up my feelings for a very long time and continue struggling to express myself to friends & family. It makes me want to get revenge and avenge my past self and all the other hurt kids.
My sister was a SpEd teacher at a school that did that, and when my autistic son was having meltdowns she told me to build a padded room at home for him. And now she wonders why I never ask her for advice.
The one at my school wasn't even padded, just white brick walls and hard tile floor with maybe a yoga mat and some dumb motivational posters on the ceiling. I remember banging my head against the wall one day and they got really pissed at me for that.
I went to a counselor for a few years of elementary school and I thought it was a normal thing and all the students went to talk to the nice lady about their dad and why they can't stop picking at their skin. Years later I found out I was one of a few kids and that my parents never knew about it
Comments
Most parents will never admit any wrongdoing.
My christian fanatic parents bred like rabbits then seem shocked to know most of his children cope with lifelong mental health issues.
Those children they never had time or energy to HAVE A CHAT WITH through all childhood, teens, and ever.
They're called Quiverfull.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiverfull
Like... you had food and clothes growing up WHAT TF ELSE COULD YOU EXPECT FROM YOUR PARENTS?!?!?!.!
The councilor lady's fingers:
I wish this comic didn't hit to close to home vro
I still struggle to trust adults & open up to this day.
Lovely art btw :3
Second, school counselors are not medical professionals and thus are not bound by HIPAA.
Third, no.
Later that night, "I have your mom on the other line and I've told her everything"
On the phone, she was like "I knew it, doesn't change anything."
When I went home for Thanksgiving, she said "Don't touch me, I don't know where your hands have been."
Sat me down with a phone and made me come out to my entire extended family
Said more life-ruining stuff...
Left the week she said that and only went back home for my sister's death 20 years later.
Worst-case scenario, but...it did get better. I've been happily married for 16 years and built a wonderful community. <3
It makes for a pretty unique coming-out, that's for sure
My father still doesn't know, but this far into life I don't think it matters.
If you are working with a professional and you're under 18, it is important to have a conversation with them about what could get to parents. If they are unwilling to do this (outside of safety/mandated reporting), it may be best to look elsewhere
Different countries and states will vary based on age and sometimes it is baseline and other times you need to request it
The group phoned my house directly and asked for me under my preferred name in the middle of dinner lmao
every other time was some flavor of this or "if you have had a suicidal ideation ever in your entire life, that is what we will be discussing, forever"
JFC.
This is too damn real. My engineering school had a mortality rate and the support was really not there
I got bullied SO MUCH in middle school and their "advice" was hot garbage if they gave any at all, and on top of that I pretty much was always the one in trouble for reacting
Instead of bitching about schools not being transparent, they should try to form a human connection with their children
Either way, parents don't put enough effort into teaching their kids because they're also overworked
“Am I comfortable with each option of education my child has?” is a question that should be asked before having a kid
If the answer is “I can’t provide it,” “I don’t want to provide it, or “I don’t trust strangers to provide it,” then don’t have a kid
1. Legal stuff. A lot of schools are under requirements to voice concerns about students to their parents, regardless of the context of those concerns.
2. Lots of counselors and school staff operate on this naïve idea that parents are inherently virtuous and always care about the...
I really wish I'd known about this: I was told she wasn't in any way certified, when I'd asked...
I always felt like there's no point because the therapists of my youth were never on my side.
Working on yourself solo can only go so far, especially when you find yourself stuck thinking in circles and spiraling constantly like I did (and still struggle with, kinda.)
PARENTS STUCK IN A FIELD OF LEGOS.
Never spoke to her again.
Our economy needs mindless robots."
The principle of school in 10 words.
4. The blank eternity of nonexistence is a terrifying state of being that should be avoided at all costs: stave off the all-consuming void before you are unable to stop forever from passing over your cold remains 🥶
5. God loves you 🙏
Ugh.
They weren't going to let him walk during graduation because of it.
We solved suicide, y'all!
They weren't going to let him whatnow? Didn't they already accomplish that by not addressing the bullying? 😬
I was told that so often by everyone that I didn't know it was a red flag until after college.
I got multiple detentions for BEING punched in the face
I had to deal with a bully in middle school that I had reported multiple times.
I was warned "not to use bully busters to harass other students."
So the next time it happened, I just beat the fucking brakes off of him. Got in a ton of trouble.
Like thanks Mom lol
I love my mom, don't get me wrong, but I never talk about my feelings to my parents cause they just go "oh don't do that".
Ask me how I know.
I couldn’t talk about any of them because if I did they’d tell my parents and then my parents would be insufferable when I got home.
50 some years later, Why? is a question I hate. I think of the answers I want to give long after the trauma.
So I had a really hard time keeping my anger in check among other things.
If the counselor said the wrong thing it meant I had to prepare for the worst at home.
Leveling helps!:
(1.) Self Esteem therapy
(3.) Behavoral Health therapy
(7.) Cognative Therapy
I jumped a lot this is what I have done + what I am doing.
But hey! At least I didn’t affect their suicide stats, so that’s good I guess.
Sorry for vent
Especieally in my school
"You are unique"
Glad it wasn't just my school counselor that had platitudes all over her office
"Counselor, I wanna kill myself after I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me. When I told my dad, he hit me and called me a pussy."
"I'm gonna call your dad and see what he thinks."
Good eye, we gotta make sure @happyroadkill.bsky.social gives credit to @happyroadkill.bsky.social for this!
Which would coincidentally lead to talks with my father in the following day reciting all my stated problems while trying to gaslight me into thinking it was all made up and/or was put in my head (:
I've taken therapy. It feels quite liberating
Was more-so at the time.
haven't been able to leave my house for almost 2 years due to severe CTPSD, chronic pain & fatigue, etc.
i used to think i was cursed, turns out the world is.
I hope things are better now for you 🫂
I pray it didn't happen to you.
we used to write journals in literature arts every day. he said they wouldn't be read, just checked for completion.
i wrote about a boy crush i had and he read it out to the class. thought i wrote a "funny joke."
I was required to go for school due to my ADHD. She'd take my things away, harm me physically and ignore me.
I even got in trouble for confiding in a diary. Because if anyone found it what would THEY think.
Yikes. Don't miss it.
I didn't learn to open back up for 15 years.
This country does not function.