If you see a trans woman in a fucking dress and she tells you her name is Sarah, don't fucking use "they." It's not difficult. Don't hide behind "social awkwardness" like a fucking asshole! - ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

picatinnyrailed.bsky.social • 111 days ago

If you see a trans woman in a fucking dress and she tells you her name is Sarah, don't fucking use "they."

It's not difficult. Don't hide behind "social awkwardness" like a fucking asshole!

Reposted from Maxime the Phoenix

Still find it an interesting take saying that people who are socially awkward or have anxiety doing something wrong are worse people than those who actually hate you.

Comments

loosecanon.net•110 days ago

Pronouns are for the convenience of other people and those people are not obligated to validate your identity. Demanding that people use your preferred pronouns is like demanding that they call you by the cool nickname you came up with. I'm not calling you "The Ripper", Steve.

loosecanon.net•107 days ago

I do want to clarify that I personally call people what they want to be called, because I'm not an asshole. I also feel that it should be required in any situation where your participation is mandatory. If you don't have a choice to just ignore someone and walk away it's only fair.

picatinnyrailed.bsky.social•111 days ago

If the right pronouns are they/them, you'll hear about it.

bearded-bard.bsky.social•111 days ago

I was on the receiving end of a rather violent blowup for using “she” once for someone who was in a dress, makeup, had feminine hair, and who didn’t tell me beforehand. Since then, I’ve defaulted to they/them for literally everyone unless they say otherwise. I refuse to “assume” shit.

ladyaranea.bsky.social•110 days ago

You're still assuming. You're just assuming lack of gender.

bearded-bard.bsky.social•110 days ago

It was explained to me that it was for either nonbinary folks or it was neutral.

ladyaranea.bsky.social•110 days ago

It was explained to you incorrectly. It's fine to use "they" for someone you know literally nothing about; if you're exposed to someone's gender expression (the language we use to convey our identity to the world), you know something. If you want to be neutral, ASK. "They" also assumes.

bearded-bard.bsky.social•110 days ago

I used to do that and just ask. But then I was told from multiple trans folks personally that it was considered rude to do so because it made it seem that someone’s gender expression “wasn’t good enough”, or that it was a dog whistle for “based on passing”.

ladyaranea.bsky.social•110 days ago

Right, and degendering them is certain to send the signal that they pass just fine, and that their gender expression is going great. Maybe base it on their gender expression unless it's genuinely ambiguous; don't use biological markers, if that's what's tripping you up.

bearded-bard.bsky.social•110 days ago

I’m literally unsure what is right, and I only want to get a solid answer. I just want a pronoun that I can use in cases where I’m unsure and unable to clarify directly with the person.

tidalbutterflies.bsky.social•111 days ago

People will use "they" for me and then those same people will turn around and use "she" for my non-binary AFAB spouse. If you're defaulting to "they" out of some sense of progressivism you have to at least commit to it for everyone, all the time FFS