I am a trans and queer southerner who only in August 2023 had to leave because the place became untenable for existing as transgender. You're not the one ruining the meal. And people like you not pushing back on your bigot family members are why I had to leave my home you fucking asshole. - ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

neolithicsheep.bsky.social • 129 days ago

I am a trans and queer southerner who only in August 2023 had to leave because the place became untenable for existing as transgender. You're not the one ruining the meal. And people like you not pushing back on your bigot family members are why I had to leave my home you fucking asshole.

Reposted from Mercy Grimm

I live in the South with conservative family members. The world is cold, cruel, and uncaring. Pick the fights you feel like, but ruining holidays with meaningless pedantic fights that you CANNOT WIN is just childish. Have a nice meal and go home without starting a fight like a baby, maybe, IDK.

Comments

halftongue.bsky.social•129 days ago

Is there a Fucking Assholes block list? I think Mercy is a good candidate.

bangatank.bsky.social•129 days ago

One can preempt blame from family by asking the bigot "why do you have to ruin the atmosphere by bringing your bigotry to the table?"

helenofwhat.bsky.social•129 days ago

My mom is not a bigot but is a conspiracy theorist so this what I do. It helps that I set this boundary early. She starts and I say "we were having a nice time, why must you bring up the conspiracy nonsense?" And it works! She feels embarrassed, my siblings agree with me, and we move on.

mandoqueer.itch.io•124 days ago

If your bigot family is being bigoted at Thanksgiving you don't invite them in the first place but like if they surprise you with that shit you kick them out and tell them to enjoy dying alone about it if they're sad.

circaliz.bsky.social•129 days ago

Standing ovation. 👏

itsjustjon.bsky.social•129 days ago

And it's never the bigot that gets told to shut up, it's always the one confronting the bigotry. "That's your dad/grandpa/uncle/cousin/etc." Yeah, and I'm family too so why do I have to shut up?

phantasmas.bsky.social•129 days ago

🫂

neolithicsheep.bsky.social•129 days ago

Y'all let your bigot family members get away with this shit so you can have a nice meal and let them think everyone agrees with them that trans people are a bunch of pedophiles and immigrants are all pet-eating rapists and here we are.

neolithicsheep.bsky.social•129 days ago

There is no way to mass-deprogram people. It starts when they start getting pushback from people they actually care about. If you're going to Thanksgiving dinner, push the fuck back.

neolithicsheep.bsky.social•129 days ago

Remember, always, that if someone starts being a raging bigot at a family get together, you are not the one who made it awkward because you looked at them and said "Do you really believe that?"

melomys.bsky.social•129 days ago

I have used that line a lot with people, and not just in family situations. It forces the person to either stop talking or try to explain themselves. Which inevitably they can’t do without looking even more bigoted.

cheriepriest.com•129 days ago

Then a big-eyed, solemn, "Wow." With no followup. Makes them nervous, like they're afraid they tipped their hand and now you know something about them, and they wish you didn't. Often they'll try to needle, get more reaction. Stick to a bewildered head-shake and "wow." Let 'em stew.

rotheche.bsky.social•128 days ago

I saw a post from someone who said they'd had success with a sad-eyed "Wow, I really thought you were a better person than that."

2amwakeupcall.com•129 days ago

People underestimate how strong shame is as a social motivator, ESPECIALLY in the south

2amwakeupcall.com•129 days ago

To be clear this is pro-shaming-transphobes not “I get staying silent due to shame” if you do that you’re a goddamn coward

lmc55g95.bsky.social•129 days ago

Oh. That is a great response 💯

ultralaser.bsky.social•129 days ago

you dont even have to start a fight, just pointedly stand up and grab your plate and walk out of the room

everyone at the table will know why

kaeriani.bsky.social•129 days ago

I was in class & a classmate was excitedly talking about provisions of Project 2025 he couldn't wait to see enacted. I pulled exactly this, "do you really believe the US govt should make these decisions? Not people?" He said "yes". I shrugged and gave up. It was about porn. He was wearing a cross.

6sidedgames.bsky.social•129 days ago

I'd put money on them having some seriously messed up shit on their computer search history.

kaeriani.bsky.social•129 days ago

Ah
Yes, he'd want the government to protect him from his own predilections.

zvanjali.bsky.social•129 days ago

Agreed fully, though of course the problem is if they're already shameless enough to just say "Yes."

neolithicsheep.bsky.social•129 days ago

To which the best reply is always "that's weird"

anyfishanytime.bsky.social•129 days ago

I am a huge fan of "that's a choice" in that situation

beccastareyes.bsky.social•129 days ago

I appreciate Captain Awkward's scripts like 'Wow, what a weird/awful/etc. thing to say at dinner!' if caught off-guard by a bigot. Making it clear that bigotry is not acceptable AND not letting them or their allies weaponize civility.

caterwaul.bsky.social•129 days ago

preach. and i think that's the kindest way possible to confront someone who is proudly declaring their hateful heart. i hope you've got a holiday table to sit at with people who care about you this year ❤️❤️

plantmaize.bsky.social•129 days ago

How quickly people forgot that when you have 9 "normal people" who chose to sit down to dinner with 1 nazi, what you actually have is a whole table full of nazis. Entire generations somehow missed the lesson about the paradox of tolerance and now we're all stuck paying the damn price.

romeosidvicious.willkill.us•129 days ago

So much this. My wife and I are no contact with our living parents and the siblings have tried this BS but nope! You either respect my family's right to be who they are or you're done. We didn't start the argument, they did. We're not pausing for a meal.

dnakendra.bsky.social•129 days ago

I used to feel like i had to continue to reach out, to be scolded for "bringing up politics" when family would be horrible to me. Now that i have kids that are old enough to understand these kinds of conversations, I don't go to family events (generally am not invited so not quite a nobel stand)

gildedbat.bsky.social•129 days ago

This is a good time to cue up "We Didn't Start the Fire." You didn't bring up the topic, you didn't start the fight. We're talking about family who very clearly know what will piss you off. They bring this shit up *expecting* you to get angry and just take it.

hesmith.bsky.social•129 days ago

I managed to pull my entire family out of the Republican party, but it took years of awkward and unpleasant conversations.

We can’t “change hearts and minds” by giving Uncle Dick a quiet, captive audience for his bigotry and nonsense five times a year.

cmdrsue.bsky.social•129 days ago

The "like a baby" comment sent me, and I blocked them.

dlwchico.bsky.social•129 days ago

Pre-maga, must have been nearly 20 years ago, at a holiday get together my aunt and uncle started talking about 'them' in San Francisco along with terrible stuff about 'them' and acting like of course everybody agreed with them so I let off a little steam from my anger boiler. They avoided me after.

robinbobcat.bsky.social•129 days ago

"Pedantic"?! *snort* This isn't an argument about the right way to hang one's toilet paper roll...

booktweeting.bsky.social•129 days ago

human rights are “meaningless” to this person as long as everyone has a nice dinner

kipwilliams.bsky.social•129 days ago

If you kill Uncle Stoney's appetite by shaming him roundly, it leaves more pie for you.

robinbobcat.bsky.social•129 days ago

The candied yams aren't *that* good...

ardismeade.bsky.social•129 days ago

This person's very next post is: people are too soft and empathetic these days. We need to bully people more. Neatly showing that this is all bullshit, they just don't care about trans people.

neolithicsheep.bsky.social•129 days ago

Well, they can't complain about my quote skeet then lol

mostlybree.kitrocha.com•129 days ago

I'm guessing they only approve of bullying if there is no possible consequences or discomfort for THEM.

stuckyparty.bsky.social•128 days ago

I skipped my family's biggest holiday bc the night before, they wouldn't stop misgendering my trans cousin (who wasn't present, they were just talking about him). Weirdly it's been 10 years and no one has misgendered or deadnamed him in front of me since. You only have to leave one holiday!