So it sounds like this leads to stunted social, emotional growth. This harms both men and women who love them, work with them, deal with the impact of decisions made by them. Which is why feminism is for everyone who cares about humanity.
Also, notice how those rejections are owed to -other men-. To accommodate for -their- laziness and coercion. If everyone is as unlikeable and abusive as them, they'll be "normal".
I can't remember where I heard this, but it used to be the case that maturing for males meant achieving "manhood"; literally the growing out of boyhood, assuming adult rights and responsibilities. "Masculinity's" opposite is "femininity" and so here we are.
I spent so much time in the military training my male troops to speak of themselves in positive terms. Even the "boastful" ones weren't doing so out of pride - they were doing it to reject the softness around the edges that depression can give you.
Fair enough, it's a bit cheeky of me to question it. Let's say I won't personally take it as gospel, and I believe I am not particularly alone. Then again, I don't take gospel as gospel, so.
Still, interesting take on the construction of masculinity.
There are equivalent femininity tests. If you're not a mum or a wife, you're considered useless by many, or you haven't fulfilled your biological function. The difference in what you point out is while boys are told "don't be a girl", girls are told "be like this". It's patriarchy all the way down.
The one of shittiest things about what patriarchy teaches boys is that they are told to dislike 'being a girl', and then also expected to love and respect women when they get older and (maybe) want to be in an intimate relationship with women.
There's pressure on women to conform to gender identity, too, but it's less strict. Men made women the enemy, and the less than. So men being 'feminine' is a degradation, something absolutely to be avoided, whereas for women being 'masculine' there's some respect for her trying to be 'better'.
In the end, it's all harmful, patriarchal bullshit, the two sexes are far more alike than different, and we all have all sorts of aspects to our personalities if we're complete, competent human beings.
As I learned from my father: Being a man means protecting those who cannot protect themselves, and teaching those who don't know enough. That's basically it. I think it might work. ICBW.
well if they wrote it in a book then it has to be true. certainly we never hear of men describing masculinity as being a provider and protector. even if we had heard those things ad naseum for decades those are obviously double negatives
These silly not-negatives end up being caricatures. Total independence is impossible anyhow, and even such legendary figures as Daniel Boone and Davy Crockett were "resourceful."
Men have three and a half times the suicide rate of women, live 5 years less on average, 93 percent of work related deaths, 99 percent of combat deaths, go down with the sinking ship etc. But yeah men bad, women good. And we have it so easy.
I think, maybe, this passage didn't quite land right. This isn't about "men bad", but about "modern concepts of masculinity bad". It's pointing out that men DO have it very hard, and that it's this weird concept that masculinity has to be a stripping instead of a building that's making it so.
And all is well! It's hard to have a conversation about this stuff, so most of us have been pretty well trained to shoot first and ask questions later.
"The bear" has been pushed beyond usefulness. The idea there is that a dangerous man and a safe man can look the same, and it's exhausting to have to suss out all the time if you're in safe male company or not. The bear is "picked", not because it's safer than a man, but because a bear's a bear!
As a trans woman, that resonates..I felt so much relief upon transitioning because any "masculine" milestones I'd reach would feel hollow. Like, "oh I worked for 70 hours this week so that people can't accuse ke of being lazy". A constant competition to show who is "less weak"
Seriously? When you were young were you never told to stop being such a big girl's blouse/sissy/mummy's boy or whatever? Used to be the norm. Hopefully it's a thing of the past but doubt it.
I was sceptical about "energy" outside of scitech but got much benefit from a meditation/microdosing combo and eventually realised I was experiencing what some call "masculine energy". Now, at an advanced age, I feel I know for the first time what it means to be a man: personal empowerment.
Comments
(The leap to explaining depression seems... adventurous.)
Still, interesting take on the construction of masculinity.
There’s always something else to reject; once you manage to reject the right things you’ll finally be a /real/ man.
Realizing this made me a huge fan of the men’s liberation movement
Gender roles are the mind-prison we all suffer.
Being a “real man” is impossible and it’s not acknowledged. Until we do, we’ll just keep getting incels.
your innate feminine side (intuition, kindness, collaboration, empathy).
Set your need to “dominate and control” down…and leave it behind.
This makes you repulsive to any Woman with a brain in her head.
This is your one path, to fix
“The Epidemic of Male Loneliness”.