My Christmas message: if you contact someone via DM, text or email to ask if they’re OK and they tell you they aren’t, try to summon up enough fucks to reply.
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If it helps, Backlisted and Locklisted are a constant source of enjoyment and distraction from the stresses of life for me. We on here don’t really know you and it is unfortunate that those who do have responded that way. Sending cherry thoughts (if they can help) and hoping whatever it is passes.
I’m seconding Gordon here. The show is such a source of joy. Even though we don’t really know any of you, listeners care about you. We all went through that Locklisted Lockdown time together and it forged a strong bond. Been meaning to say thank you for that Sibelius Christmas Song. Thank you. x
I often think about what happened to poor Brian Hamill, who was part of The Common Breath. After his suicide, I stumbled on a thread at the other place in which former acquaintances “called him out” as a coward for taking his own life. Perhaps such acquaintances are what drove him to it.
I am not in a place to talk about it openly here, but I think you still have my number if needed. I’ll only say I understand the feeling very well right now, and hope it lifts soon for you
Listening to you will bring much solace and joy to others this Christmas. I hope you know that and the thought brings some comfort and happiness to you. You are not just the character Andy Miller. You are Andy Miller #AndyMillerIsAwesome
I've only just seen this.
That's horrible. I'm sorry you've experienced this...and that you're struggling.
Sending love and a huge hug.
Hang in there Andy...xx
I don't know how things are with you (and in a very real sense it's none of my business), but know that you have made my life better this year, as every year since first reading/hearing you on Backlisted and social media (and actual book), and I hope you return to being more than ok very soon. x
Memory of a former friend saying “I’m always here for you” as she literally ran out of my house while I was having a panic attack. I find it funny… years later. At the time, not so much
It is funny but only because we make it so with our sorcery. (It’s not so much the friends as the professional acquaintances who leave you hanging - LITERALLY!! (See? Sorcery.)
I’m sorry to hear this. Backlisted was my companion during many necessary-to-mental-health walks this year. Particularly when my attention was too wobbly to read actual books. I hope glimmers of comfort start making their way to you soon.
Me: Listen to a podcast about books that have disappeared from public consciousness because life is fickle and even great success is ephemeral. I find it grounding.
I’ve had friends become unresponsive during serious moments in my life and it added a layer of disappointment and loneliness that I absolutely did not need. I’m sorry people you trust are letting you down, Andy.
Or 'box-ticking' - in my experience with my sister. Asked if OK, duty done.
When I attempted to explain why I wasn't OK I received a corker of a text reply: "I hope it's resolved sensibly." Still trying to come to terms with that one!
I wish you all the best, Andy.
This is why I wish more people understood that more trivial texts are important and want acknowledgement. They might be a way of reaching out and knowing you are part of something else. I know they are for me. I don't necessarily want to say 'I'm not ok'.
I try to be courteous and assume they do not know how to reply or what to say. Many people don’t when confronted with an honest ‘I’m not ok.’ I’m a fixer myself, so I’ve had to learn that sometimes, just being there and listening, is enough. I can’t fix everything, and I don’t need to.
I agree - it’s really about listening. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I have one repeat offender in my life. In Andy’s case, I’d think making first contact would mean you’re also obliged to acknowledge the response and offer sympathy, particularly when that person is vulnerable.
Muriel, to be clear, my tone is not argumentative. I do know what you mean and was probably guilty of that kind myself when I was much younger. I just think that what Andy experienced is a bit different than awkwardness or a sense of inadequacy.
I didn’t think it was! I’m sorry, I do not know the exact situation, and I’m sure you’re right. Sending (virtual) towels from afar! (If you ever come to visit Ghent: real towel and a guided trip around our bookshops, @iammilliam.bsky.social)
Sorry to hear this Andy. It is a bit of weird thing to do. Even to say, "I don't know what to say," would be better than no response at all. Hope you're okay.
(I occasionally pop round your way for a day out. Always up for a coffee and a chat.)
There is always an open invitation for you here, we're about for the whole holidays. Our friend is DJing a reggae night on NYE if Liverpool just isn't cutting it.
Hi Andy. Sending my best thoughts. It's dark out there and some of us - myself included - struggle to keep the lights on. Let me know if you fancy some online/email exchanges with a well-disposed stranger (i.e. me).
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That's horrible. I'm sorry you've experienced this...and that you're struggling.
Sending love and a huge hug.
Hang in there Andy...xx
Me: Listen to a podcast about books that have disappeared from public consciousness because life is fickle and even great success is ephemeral. I find it grounding.
When I attempted to explain why I wasn't OK I received a corker of a text reply: "I hope it's resolved sensibly." Still trying to come to terms with that one!
I wish you all the best, Andy.
Hope things take an upturn for you soon.
(I occasionally pop round your way for a day out. Always up for a coffee and a chat.)