The autistic urge to ONLY speak when you’re pretty sure or very sure about something (including having done a ton of research in your spare time about it)… whilst the average person will just speak regardless #autism #anxiety - ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

neuro-observant.bsky.social • 9 days ago

The autistic urge to ONLY speak when you’re pretty sure or very sure about something (including having done a ton of research in your spare time about it)… whilst the average person will just speak regardless

#autism #anxiety

Comments

violinautie.bsky.social•9 days ago

One time I didn’t volunteer to speak French at a retirement home because I didn’t feel like I could do so well enough, then an NT peer did and absolutely butchered it. But she did so with so much confidence too 😅

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

I can TOTALLY imagine that happening. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry! 😅

reetnortherner.bsky.social•9 days ago

Absolutely that's me.

jellibiskit.bsky.social•9 days ago

I struggle with wanting to state the facts but not wanting to be observed doing so.

planetmoon.bsky.social•9 days ago

Oh my! Thats me to a tee! Thank you 🙏 😊

theguy9900.bsky.social•9 days ago

Having something to say and being willing to talk about it have an inverse relationship to each other.

manhattans42.bsky.social•9 days ago

True, also I feel Autistic people only say they are sure about something when they are darn right tootin sure about something!

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

I couldn’t agree more! I’m always told I underestimate/ undercredit myself because I don’t like there being any chance of me being wrong (when there is, I may not say anything at all or talk as if I know almost nothing). So it’s rare that I’ll say I’m sure and when I do, I am very very VERY sure

mistresscaution.bsky.social•9 days ago

This leads me to the autistic necessity of doing an internet search before making a joke to make sure that the fact part of the joke is true and legitimate.

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

Yes! And all the anxious checking before and after saying something you know is correct, in case you somehow got it wrong or were going to word it in any way that could possibly be misinterpreted

mistresscaution.bsky.social•9 days ago

If it sits too long in someone's mentions without acknowledgment, I must delete it because what if they saw it and HATED it??!!!???!

What if I misread and my vibes were too earnest or too jokey?

Or I delete a post of my own because an absolutely heinous way of interpreting it occurred to me.

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

So many of my experiences right there 🫠

E.g. I do volunteering in certain circles and we have group chats on WhatsApp to coordinate/ discuss stuff. It’s a constant source of anxiety for me

Often I don’t post anything at all in there, or I’ll spend *15 minutes* carefully writing (and rewriting) two

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

sentences then stressing about it until someone responds in a positive way. Thanks for helping me feel less alone ❤️

mistresscaution.bsky.social•9 days ago

I figure there are people who like durian and people who like blue cheese so I can just say whatever and if people don't like me, we'll know a LOT quicker than if I'm trying to masquerade as strawberries or vanilla ice cream.

joaquinmurrietta.bsky.social•9 days ago

In my experience those with autism only speak the truth. Research is sometimes required for major truths. But truths they are. Keep at it!

sandymaxey.bsky.social•9 days ago

I will not speak if I can’t recall the exact reference citation. I have a reference list in my mind and if I can’t recall the exact reference, I let it go

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

Yeah, I get that! Sometimes I save references as webpage favourites on my phone for that reason 😂

sandymaxey.bsky.social•9 days ago

I feel seen. Thanks!

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

Me too! 😊 It’s so nice to know we’re not alone. Thank you for sharing your experience as well! ❤️

rainbowjam.bsky.social•9 days ago

This so much. And it's so annoying b/c most of the time I later find out I was right and know I'm mad at me did not speaking up and also mad that there is now more wrong information in the world.

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

Yeah, I get that all the time! In fact, that’s partly what inspired this post - the many times I didn’t speak because I wasn’t 100% sure, and then being mad at myself because someone else did (whom I later found out wasn’t right) but confidently talked as if they were 😅

rainbowjam.bsky.social•9 days ago

I know right?! And when they talk so confidently, I think that they must know their stuff since they seem so confident. But they don't! Ugh. So frustrating.

brendanblair64.bsky.social•9 days ago

I do the same thing. It sucks because I'm always right in those situations, but I don't ever have that confidence in the moment.

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

Yeah, it really does! I’m so annoyed with myself afterwards too 😅

lynnwinx.bsky.social•9 days ago

I found that saying things like "I think I remember reading that X" helped. Because even when X is incorrect, the sentence is correct. It is true that I thought I remembered X. It is true that I think/believe Y. It is true that I feel Z.

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

Aww yes, I do that sometimes too :) I don’t always have the confidence to speak at all, but it definitely helps to phrase the sentence in a way that’s factually correct even if I can’t be 100% sure if the answer itself (that I’m suggesting) is correct

okbrie.bsky.social•9 days ago

AuDHD here - it’s funny because the impulse control isn’t so strong with me so I am just filled with regret when I realize I’ve probably spoken factual inaccuracies 😭😭😭😭

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

Aww no! AuDHD definitely manifests in all sorts of ways!!

okbrie.bsky.social•9 days ago

it really does lol. It’s an interesting experience and I’m thankful for my sense of humor - it’s easier to cope when you can chuckle at the irony of most of it

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

Yeah, same! I think my sense of humour and also that of my close friends (who will lovingly tease but not judge, and know where the boundaries are) have helped a lot with my journey of accepting who I am :)

malicemae.bsky.social•9 days ago

This makes my corporate meeting so painful especially when it’s “hey Quinn haven’t heard from you yet today what do you have for the group”

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

Omg, I hate being put on the spot like that! The corporate environment, the being singled out, the pressure to speak eloquently, immediately and knowledgeably, the number of people around who aren’t necessarily “safe people”, the unexpectedness… It’s all an autistic nightmare 😭

marybeth2.bsky.social•9 days ago

I thought that was what smart people do! I didn't know it was an autistic thing. I was taught to do that by my teachers and parents.

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

That’s some great guidance from them! :)

I think listening before you speak and also not always being 100% sure of everything you think/ believe are good ways to be and how a lot of smart people act i.e. the ability to reflect, be openminded, and stay curious

But a lot of autistic people also

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

over-doubt” themselves and stay completely silent whilst the non-autistic people dominate a conversation (and often have much more confidence about what they’re saying even when it’s not actually correct) 😅

marybeth2.bsky.social•8 days ago

I remember being told God gave you 2 ears and 1 mouth to listen twice as much as you speak. So many people need to stop trying to appear to be the smartest people in the room & admit they may need to research things. We all can get overwhelmed by these people. Autism may be a goodbrain evolution

saltntights.bsky.social•9 days ago

I am in this picture.

connerw0309.bsky.social•9 days ago

I find it helps to think of this in the sense that we autistic people generally have a better grasp of and a better chance of being right about the stuff we say than neurotypical people because we've looked into it more. We put in the research, so why feel ashamed about that?

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

Yeah, it’s interesting you mention that because I was telling one of my best friends something I read on here only yesterday and he wasn’t convinced it was true. Then I said that I implicitly trust that person and what they’re saying because they’re autistic so more likely to be right 😂 Obviously

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

there’s no guarantee and I then did more research, but I guess (especially on more trivial matters e.g. this was about an artistic style convention in anime that was just a “fun fact”) in general, I definitely think this about our neurokin! It’s just much harder to apply to myself because of

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

all my anxiety disorders, childhood trauma, and low self-esteem 🙃

connerw0309.bsky.social•9 days ago

That aside, I still sometimes get the desire to not say anything anyway, because it tends to feel awkward/uncomfortable to do so.

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

For sure! And I worry a lot about how to say it in a way that won’t accidentally come across as rude, petty or hostile 😅

halvarsbridge.bsky.social•9 days ago

See also: my repost-to-post ratio.

clearautism.bsky.social•9 days ago

I'm in this picture and I don't like it

oucheez.bsky.social•9 days ago

I didn't realize that was a part of it. I just thought it was another quirk I had.

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

I know that feeling! I used to think so many things were “just me and my quirks” but once I understood myself through a neurodivergent lens and spent a lot of time learning about autism and around fellow autistics, I realised that I wasn’t alone. It’s basically why I have this account :) I try to

neuro-observant.bsky.social•9 days ago

share things I wish I’d known much sooner (as a late-diagnosed autistic person)

oucheez.bsky.social•9 days ago

Plus side, everyone knows I'm almost always right.