stop saying “consensual bdsm.” if it’s not consensual then it’s rape not bdsm. stop saying “consensual sex work.” if it’s not consensual then it’s rape not sex work. - ThreadSky

mistresssnowphd.bsky.social • 37 days ago

stop saying “consensual bdsm.” if it’s not consensual then it’s rape not bdsm.

stop saying “consensual sex work.” if it’s not consensual then it’s rape not sex work.

Comments

cj-sunderland.bsky.social•37 days ago

Pardon my language, but who in the fuck is saying "consensual _____" about lifestyles, recreational activies, and professions THAT ARE BASED ON CONSENT?!

People need to educate themselves if they think there's a consensual form of BDSM/Sex Work and a non-consensual form of BDSM/Sex Work.

cj-sunderland.bsky.social•37 days ago

"Non-consensual" - no it's rape, sexual assault, and trafficking.

Even in scenarios for CNC - it is still consensual. If there's no consent it shouldn't be happening.

luciddreamrr.bsky.social•34 days ago

If I'm not mistaken, "consensual r*pe" and "consensual nonconsent" are still categories on FL and probably other sites 🙃

nullifidianmom.bsky.social•34 days ago

That doesn't change the truth of this post, though.

luciddreamrr.bsky.social•34 days ago

No one said it does

nullifidianmom.bsky.social•33 days ago

Ok, I wasn't sure where you were going with that comment. ☺️ Is it that you think that having those as categories on FL waters down the message of the overall BDSM community?

luciddreamrr.bsky.social•33 days ago

No, the person I was responding to said who TF thinks like this, and I was pointing out that CNC and related categories are actual practices of some kinksters on FL. It's not just that they "think that way," they put it into practice. Which is 🚩🚩🚩 in my world. I do not abide that sht.

cj-sunderland.bsky.social•33 days ago

I have been in the kink community for years and I'm also on FetLife, but I have never heard the term "consensual r*ape" be used - not even when referring to consensual non-consent.

I'm aware consensual non-consent is a kink - it's one of mine - but consent and discussion is given before the scene.

cj-sunderland.bsky.social•33 days ago

Which is also is why "consensual r*pe" is wild to me, because as someone who has a CNC kink, knows people who do, and have been on the kink community for as long as I have - I have never heard it use. It's only been "CNC" or "consensual non-consent" when referring to that kink.

cj-sunderland.bsky.social•33 days ago

The way I personally took the original post was that people were saying their is "consensual r*pe", "non-consensual r*pe", "consensual sex work", and "non-consensual sex work".

Similar to how people throw around the term "consensual sex" and "non-consensual sex".

cj-sunderland.bsky.social•33 days ago

"Non-consensual sex" doesn't exist - it's r*pe.

"Non-consensual sex work" doesn't exist - it's trafficking and the like.

"Non-consensual r*pe" doesn't exist - it's r*pe.

"Non-consensual BDSM" doesn't exist - it's assault, sexual assault, and/or r*pe.

zova.wtf•36 days ago

This feels like it comes from the the same people who incorrectly believe a husband can't r*PE his wife

ishfery.bsky.social•36 days ago

Umm but I own her! /s

behemoth101.bsky.social•32 days ago

Or at least change the punctuation so it's said differently.

They say it to reinforce the fact

mistresssnowphd.bsky.social•36 days ago

this skeet has escaped containment so I’m muting it before I lose my mind

dekaye1990.bsky.social•36 days ago

Gracious. You would think that would be obvious. How creepy people say that wtf

elementaleucology.com•37 days ago

How would you make sense of this distinction?
https://bsky.app/profile/elementaleucology.com/post/3lfvla66lfs24

mistresssnowphd.bsky.social•37 days ago

ngl I couldn’t really follow lol

elementaleucology.com•37 days ago

Fair! I guess the question I have is what makes something "rape"? If it's simply about disturbing or violating bodily integrity--one's sense of security in their body--penetration seems the most common way.

But in BDSM, there's all kinds of ways to "violate" a person's sense of self...

elementaleucology.com•37 days ago

that don't involve penetration with objects. And this can happen both consensually and non-consensually.

In BDSM or intimate settings generally it's possible to have agreed upon norms violated without penetration taking place. Should that be called "rape"?

More importantly, is it rape because...

elementaleucology.com•37 days ago

...of the act/s that were forced upon someone or is it about their feelings about 1) the acts themselves, or 2) their sense of security in their body/with that play partner? (Is it about personal/bodily integrity being violated or the violation of the expectations in the relationship/scene?)

mistresssnowphd.bsky.social•37 days ago

oh I see. the legal definition (which changes by jurisdiction) aside, it’s rape if it’s not consensual, unrelated to specific acts

luciddreamrr.bsky.social•34 days ago

The crisis center I volunteered with for years had a SAC program and their operating definition of rape was "any unwanted touch." Which only the person being touched gets to decide. And I still operate on this definition.

luciddreamrr.bsky.social•34 days ago

"Any unwanted sexual touch"*
sorry

xdresstera.bsky.social•37 days ago

What even is non-consensual bdsm/sex work to these people? How does that even work, in their minds? I would really like to know how that looks from their view. Or do they just not want to admit its rape because that's what happens when "good people" are violated?

cafedecheshire.bsky.social•36 days ago

The most charitable view I can take is this is poorly used terminology for CNC roleplay. That's an immediate red-flag since they're not even using the correct terms while trying to emulate an established set of protocols in our culture.

Personal catharsis is great, but you need boundaries and

cafedecheshire.bsky.social•36 days ago

more importantly, you need a way to communicate those. Thats why we've invested so much time in collectively establishing this lexicon and set of values.

xdresstera.bsky.social•36 days ago

I kind of really wasn't asking as it was more or less rhetorical to set up the latter part and imo CNC is so niche but known well enough in kink circles that if these people really were trying to soften violations they'd just use that but they likely aren't in kink circles but thnx for the thought.

cafedecheshire.bsky.social•36 days ago

Sorry, the adhd meds hadn't kicked in. I am sleepy and taking things literal.

xdresstera.bsky.social•36 days ago

Lol it's fine, I am actually interested in how a person like that thinks and views things but I'd need to find one and ask basically and us theorizing on it doesn't do much because we don't know those minds, we can't. It's fascinating to find people like that and get an idea what drives them.