today would be mitch hedberg's 57th birthday, his comedy was kind-hearted silliness and the world is a less funny place without him, love you mitch, happy birthday - please share your favorite mitch jokes ♥️ - ThreadSky

failnaut.bsky.social • 60 days ago

today would be mitch hedberg's 57th birthday, his comedy was kind-hearted silliness and the world is a less funny place without him, love you mitch, happy birthday - please share your favorite mitch jokes ♥️

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jaxpool.bsky.social•59 days ago

to this day, any time i see sun chips, i think of this bit:
https://youtu.be/0RgSyuPnZSM?si=svUvxgJY-vUeTXg_

fizzvstheworld.bsky.social•60 days ago

lexys.wtf•59 days ago

Mitch was so damn good. I recall one of his sets where he was just bombing hard and he sits down then completely turns it around.

Comedy Central Presents was a must watch for me at the time and very few of the standups I enjoyed then do I still enjoy today. But Mitch was the best of his generation

preshtil.dev•59 days ago

I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary.

saddestrobots.bsky.social•60 days ago

my wife once used his "an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs" bit to help someone get over their fear of escalators

wingedrobot.bsky.social•60 days ago

sorry for the convenience!

afflatusmisery.etheirys.social•60 days ago

A security guard at a casino told me I was blocking the fire exit. If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

vtmicah.bsky.social•60 days ago

Unless you are a chair

ahazzie713.bsky.social•56 days ago

I did not know ducks ate for free at subway

jeremyparker.bsky.social•60 days ago

This shirt is dry clean only. So it's dirty.

eleshplays.bsky.social•59 days ago

"This bedroom is aka a hallway."

theherooftomorrow.bsky.social•59 days ago

I think my favorite is the simplest one.

"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too!"

ivdar.bsky.social•60 days ago

"I think Pringles originally meant to make tennis balls.

Then a big truck of potatoes came in and they were like Fuck it, cut 'em up!"

tubbles.bsky.social•59 days ago

I don't remember the exact phrasing of the joke, but the bit about buying cinnamon candles to make his roommates wake up with false hopes lived rent free in my head for over a decade before I found out it was Mitch.

failnaut.bsky.social•59 days ago

https://bsky.app/profile/dfdfleming.bsky.social/post/3liz66o22li2f

someone posted it not long before your reply :) thanks for sharing, tubbles ♥️

yelsraek.bsky.social•60 days ago

I bought a $7 pen, because I’m always losing pens and I got sick of not caring!

ugobananas.bsky.social•60 days ago

Rice is really great if you're hungry and want to eat 2,000 of something

dollop-of-mayo.bsky.social•60 days ago

"I like baked potatoes. I don't have a microwave oven, and it takes forever to bake a potato in a conventional oven. Sometimes I'll just throw one in there, even if I don't want one, because by the time it's done, who knows?"

possiblecabbage.bsky.social•60 days ago

"I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it."

jaredwade.bsky.social•59 days ago

Let me ask you a question, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?

failnaut.bsky.social•59 days ago

i'm FOR 'em

jaredwade.bsky.social•59 days ago

Spread the word on menus nationwide

lurdiak.bsky.social•60 days ago

I saw a commercial, it said "Forget everything you know about slip covers."

So I did. And man, it was a load off my mind.

Then the commercial tried to sell me slip covers, but I didn't know what the hell they were.

madhabmatics.bsky.social•60 days ago

My six year old is still nervous on escalators and asked what would happen if one broke, and I was so glad to be able to tell him that an escalator can't break; it can only become stairs.

failnaut.bsky.social•60 days ago

ah man it's dusty in here eh

d9sinc.bsky.social•60 days ago

I used that a few weeks ago when me and a friend were at the mall and they went "oh no, the escalators aren't working" I just went "Nah, they just temporarily became stairs."

tir2.bsky.social•60 days ago

I have used the "every picture is of you when you were younger" bit at every opportunity I had and it improved the moment every time. irreplaceable genius.

testzero.bsky.social•60 days ago

"Here's a picture of me when I'm older."
"What the hell? Let me see that camera."

klc.bsky.social•60 days ago

I miss him. Funny funny guy.

d9sinc.bsky.social•60 days ago

My favorite one outside of his most famous special was the line he delivers in That 70's Show "I didn't lose a leg in Vietnam to serve teenagers" when they say "you have both your legs though, he responds "That's what I said, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam" I quote that one a lot.

bluedymoos.bsky.social•60 days ago

YES!

kanekisaragi.bsky.social•59 days ago

The opposite of a traffic light is a banana.

timelordsoundwave.bsky.social•59 days ago

Yellow: Go ahead, that banana is ready.

Green: Whoa, slow down. That banana isn't ready yet.

Red: Where the fuck did you get that banana???

bittwizard.bsky.social•60 days ago

Dogs are forever in the push-up position

testzero.bsky.social•60 days ago

The Hedberg Points of Earth.
These are the points Mitch would have to travel to so his map doesn't fall down.
(source: Vsauce https://www.youtube.com/shorts/dZXJnmhGd2k)

innkeep.bsky.social•60 days ago

I used to steal jokes from Mitch Hedberg. I still do, but I used to, too.

damiott.bsky.social•60 days ago

I don't own a cell phone or a pager.

I just hang around everybody I know, all the time.

If somebody needs to get ahold of me, they just say "Mitch".

And I say "What?"

And turn my head slightly...

ripperelse.bsky.social•60 days ago

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me. -- MH

ripperelse.bsky.social•60 days ago

Dogs are forever in the push-up position.

ripperelse.bsky.social•60 days ago

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late. - MH (my favorite)

felinelover420.bsky.social•60 days ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqHA5CIL0fg

cosmotropic.bsky.social•60 days ago

I tried to walk into a Target

but I missed

rewhan.bsky.social•60 days ago

"No matter how old you get, it's still called 'kidnapping'. You are forever young at heart, and also in the eyes of the law."

ryanlohner.bsky.social•59 days ago

What does a sesame seed grow into? I don’t know, we never give them a chance. What the fuck is a sesame? It’s a street. It’s a way to open shit.

the-enigma-files.com•59 days ago

Oh shit. I remember this guy's standup. I loved his routines.

bunnycartoon.bsky.social•60 days ago

"I'm sick of following my dreams--I'm just gonna ask where they're going and meet up with them later!"

God I miss him. One of the funniest people to ever live.

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