The ENTIRE DRIVING FORCE of incel/GOP/male supremacy is “all the authority & none of the responsibility for men, vice versa for women.” Everything they do is in service of that.
Bc that’s how it was. They created laws thru history to ensure it. This is then flailing bc they don’t want to be independent they are fond of having a free servant
When men could be shits by law, we relied on social pressure to get them to take some small measure of responsibility. Unsurprisingly, that proved ineffective, and through hard work, we managed to change the laws. Unfortunately, rolling back the laws won't give us back the social pressure
As long as we are still allowed to work tho, we’ll just choose bear. And there’s a circulating list of physicians who will tie your tubes without a man’s permission online. Women who want kids but not a man should cohabitate with another mom.
Until men straighten up, it’s 4B
But b/c men have opted to be soft babies when it comes to anything other than sports or work (*they will become babies when they don't win/ get their way) & society coddles them, they now think it's inherent🤦
"he doesn't normally sort the stuff out" so when she says gifts are always from the two of us she means she always does everything and signs his name. But the one time he gets off his arse he doesn't do the same for her.
Nope. You don't "forget" to write from Dad &Mom.That's on purpose &, if it wasn't? Then he's damn lucky to have her because he must be mentally challenged.
These comments are awful. "He's probably like most men and dumb when it comes to these things." "Men need wife's to help us through the dumb things we do."
For Christ sakes, take some f*cking responsibility. We are not dumb animals or helpless children
I am so sick of this "ignorance of basic adult skills is manly, dur-hur" argument. Anything they're too lazy or entitled to put an effort into is transformed into a masculine trait, as if being able to wash our asses, fold laundry, or sign a card is coded in our XX or some BS.
If I have to see one more guy talk out of his ass about logic and emotions... THEY'RE THE SAME GODDAMN THING.
Emotions are the evolution of our limbic systems. We can make snap judgements about what's dangerous to keep our organism safe and alive.
Failure to understand is failure to thrive.
Bullshit that it's a "men are just like this and need a woman helper to be otherwise" thing. Every guy friend I have would be siding with the woman here. If it was legitimately just he didn't think to cause he's never had to, that would still be problematic but not as bad as what actually /
happened. He didn't just not think of it. She addressed it with him and his response was to tell her she was overreacting. Even if she was his "helper" (ick) he isn't open to being helped. He's not open to personal growth or learning better empathy. I guarantee a guy like this /
next time will put both of their names, and then make a point to point it out to her condescendingly, trying to get credit for his "improvement" while simultaneously trying to belittle her.
Also, that's so not "logic." Actually entirely the opposite. A logical thinker would sign their name and make the connection "Huh, I have never actually signed my name before so my wife must have done that when signing her's, so it logically follows that if I'm the one signing I should include hers"
'' fo pa'' good GOD. Also consideration ''shouldn't'' be gendered, but realistically it often is. How many men make a drink (when they're not getting a woman to do it) for themselves but not for a woman? Or make sure they have THEIR fave snack in, etc etc
Oh, those comments. 'we men are so dumb and helpless TEE HEE, we need women who don't care if we are inconsiderate. Nah, we aren't assholes, the laydees just need to be saints. Lolz!'
"Because she usually buys all the presents and cards." This is the issue. She usually does all the work and the one time he has to pull his weight he drops the ball and hurts her.
Secondly, there is no excuse because I presume he is THERE for all these cards and presents. So literally every time a card is read, its from both of them. So either he pays zero attention to his family, or he purposely broke the tradition. Either way, he is inconsiderate at the very least. ☕️💜
Exactly this. Ditto for when they are insisting they're both rational/logical and also animalistic beasts, helpless against the rush of all that manly testosterone.
I mean, he might just be dumb and oblivious, but that commenter is way the fuck off base sticking up for the guy.
Correct answer is from the other replier: "tell him this was wrong, tell him how it made you feel, and discover if this was an oops moment or a fuck you moment, and go from there"
An oops moment is forgetting to pick up a card altogether. If he "forgets" to write "and mom" when he's signing, "love dad," he must have some kind of traumatic brain injury.
He may only ever have to sign for himself because she does the rest of the writing. Regardless, she needs to put him on blast for it, and decide from there.
This is a shit take. The way men show up every damn day for total strangers to give them an out, is astounding. You should just stop talking and put down thr shovel.
And the way men are so “considerate” of the feelings of a man THEY HAVE NEVER MET but so quick to dismiss the feelings of any woman on the planet.
FFS. I’ve had enough.
There are increasingly women posting on Reddit that they’re refusing to do Christmas and Thanksgiving. Letting the men sort it out. I’m not on Reddit but There’s an acct on tiktok that reads them.
Hopefully this will become commonplace and men will either do better or be alone
I hadn’t experienced the thanksgiving “men go to the living room for the game, women clean up” til I was 13 & my cousins came over. The 4 girls went to the kitchen, their bro went to the living room.
My father & brother- 1st time ever- ducked out of the clean up
1/
I yelled that it was fine if all 5 cousins sat out the chores, they were guests after all, but if the girls were going to clean, so were the boys. Also how dare bro & daddy do something so sexist!
No, Dad cleaned too. The kids’ mother got to sit down though
My parents fought over cleaning, primarily bc my mother hated corralling everyone into their tasks, secondarily as way to punish each other. In fact though, Dad did clean.
This was my whole childhood and it stank. It’s just grooming from birth that allows these abuses to continue, bc they are abuse. Exploitation of female labor.
I’m so glad #metoo freed us to talk. I want young women to escape the fate of their mothers.
Nice. My dad’s parents were more egalitarian. There were gender roles but both worked, both did home labor, and my grandad made sure I knew how to change my oil, my tires, repair things, he didn’t treat girls like they shouldn’t learn. My mom’s side who we saw more of, were 💯 patriarchal misogynists
There was once a giant Metafilter Emotional Labour thread. These men should have to read it.
One comment I remember in particular was by a woman whose husband had been the one to go to the first school event at a new place. When asked for an email he gave his - because he was used to thinking of…
…himself as a single entity rather than as representative of the whole family.
From then on he got EVERY school-related email. He flicked most of them to her anyway, but he found it overwhelming. Before that he just hadn’t realised how *much* she was doing for the family.
We managed to end up in the same situation from a different kind of misogyny. I am the one who signed my kid up for school. Did ALL the paperwork. ALL the follow up.
The school has only ever sent emails to my husband. Left HIM the voicemails. He's literally on the forms as parent 2
It doesn’t get to me that he signed the cards by himself. But the fact that he’s dismissing her feelings as ridiculous and not worth having an honest, open conversation about? Now THAT is a red flag.
That would make sense if they weren't so freaking sensitive about similar things. "Forget" to put that type of man's name on a gift and he'd act like she was trying to turn *his* kids against him.
They both talked about it. She was tired and he took this as an opportunity. I suggest that she does the sNe thing from here in our and only fill out the card for herseld
Weaponized incompetence.
He did that so she will make sure he never has to fill out any cards ever again, and probably does it with heaps of other stuff he doesn't want to do as well.😒
Comments
Also men: if you don’t give us instructions on how to adult you can’t expect us to adult.
This is called grooming and it’s abuse.
Until men straighten up, it’s 4B
Women don't get that grace
But b/c men have opted to be soft babies when it comes to anything other than sports or work (*they will become babies when they don't win/ get their way) & society coddles them, they now think it's inherent🤦
No, it's lazy & selfish
If he was in the office and a card was being passed around for a co-worker, he would magically know better than to do this.
For Christ sakes, take some f*cking responsibility. We are not dumb animals or helpless children
And she's right, here. Hubby done fucked up.
Emotions are the evolution of our limbic systems. We can make snap judgements about what's dangerous to keep our organism safe and alive.
Failure to understand is failure to thrive.
Christmas 2025 would be from Mommy. Sorry, Daddy. You weren’t there for the signing (or shopping, or wrapping, etc…)
The same men: Why are you rejecting me? I'm a provider! An alpha! A leader!
They must pick one. They don't get to act like dumb toddlers & have respect of a CEO.
Women need to have control over the money and the government, because they're more capable about these things.
Dudes, that should wake you up at 3 in the morning with the anxiety of being so completely helpless.
Correct answer is from the other replier: "tell him this was wrong, tell him how it made you feel, and discover if this was an oops moment or a fuck you moment, and go from there"
May this ‘love’ never find me
FFS. I’ve had enough.
Two thoughts:
1. The kids know that this is the only time Daddy has had anything to do with their presents.
2. https://www.metafilter.com/151267/Wheres-My-Cut-On-Unpaid-Emotional-Labor
Hopefully this will become commonplace and men will either do better or be alone
My father & brother- 1st time ever- ducked out of the clean up
1/
I yelled that it was fine if all 5 cousins sat out the chores, they were guests after all, but if the girls were going to clean, so were the boys. Also how dare bro & daddy do something so sexist!
All the kids cleaned. I felt vindicated. 2/2
My parents fought over cleaning, primarily bc my mother hated corralling everyone into their tasks, secondarily as way to punish each other. In fact though, Dad did clean.
I’m so glad #metoo freed us to talk. I want young women to escape the fate of their mothers.
Both my parents thought that all children should learn to cook (including on wood fires), clean, sew a hem, perform simple repairs
Neither of them learned to cook till they married.
But instead her feelings are ridiculous. That is what bothered me most.
One comment I remember in particular was by a woman whose husband had been the one to go to the first school event at a new place. When asked for an email he gave his - because he was used to thinking of…
From then on he got EVERY school-related email. He flicked most of them to her anyway, but he found it overwhelming. Before that he just hadn’t realised how *much* she was doing for the family.
This guy seems the same.
The school has only ever sent emails to my husband. Left HIM the voicemails. He's literally on the forms as parent 2
http://www.victorkumar.org/uploads/6/1/5/2/61526489/emotional_labor_-_the_metafilter_thread_condensed-.pdf
(The story I was thinking of doesn’t seem to be in the condensed version, and the full one is several thousand comments long…)
He did that so she will make sure he never has to fill out any cards ever again, and probably does it with heaps of other stuff he doesn't want to do as well.😒
If you have to project manage your husband, you don’t have a husband. You have a child.