aratin.gay
Avery; Celestial Parrot; Woman
Co-Founder đź’¸: Rubber & Glue Media @rubberglue.media
Attention Whore 🎸🎤: Tell Me I'm Good; Tell Me I'm Pretty @goodpretty.band
I write music, stories, and software. 🏳️‍⚧️✡️🦜
2,506 posts
271 followers
264 following
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I cannot imagine a social justice minded person saying "Most Trans people are wrong about what counts as Transphobia, but I know better." Or the same thing for Black people, or women, or immigrants.
But they do it for Jews all the time and I wish they would not.
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I'm so fucking tired. This world is trying so hard to kill me, and I really don't want to let it, but every day I feel weaker and weaker and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do when my last ounces of willpower are depleted and my options have entirely dried up. I don't deserve this. No one does.
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I just want to work. I want to do good work. I want to get paid to do good work. I want coworkers who don't want me dead. I want a job that isn't trying to find ways to eliminate the need for me. I want a company that actually knows how to shore up its finances and take itself seriously.
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I don't get why I don't deserve a chance. I don't get why the only people ever willing to take the gamble with me end up being these orgs that can't keep the lights on for an entire year after bringing me on board. I don't get why my entire life is so fucking cursed! I don't know what I did.
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But I can't prove any of this to prospective employers. I can't show them my work from my previous jobs because of Reasons. So I just look like a batch of unknowns and a risk. If I were a cis guy, it'd be slightly easier, but it's still hell out there. I hate it so much.
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I'm good at my job. I take real pride in my work. I pursue quality at every possible turn. I care deeply about both the people who need to use the software I make, AND the people who need to maintain it in the future. In my experience, the grind types actually DON'T do this.
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I can't compete with this candidate pool. So many people are out of a job right now, and SO MANY of those people _do_ program at home. They _do_ have personal sites. They _do_ post blog posts to LinkedIn. I look like shit next to that, even though I'm every bit as good.
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I'm sorry I don't blog about tech. I'm sorry I don't constantly seek out ways to intersect my other passions with programming. I'm sorry I literally cannot be made to give one flying fuck about programming when I'm not being paid to do so. I'm sorry I can't compete. I still deserve a fucking job.
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And then I get punished when finding new jobs not JUST for being trans and a woman, BUT ALSO because I do not spend my free fucking time making MORE GOD DAMN WEBSITES for NO MONEY.
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I have lost three jobs in the past three years and never once was it my fault. Each and every time was a series of layoffs or other conditions that forced me and several other people to exit at once. However, now my resume is dotted with short gigs. I look bad because of other people's incompetence
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I just want a fucking job where I can do good work I'm allowed to be proud of, go home at the end of the day and live my fucking life in peace, and keep that job for as many years as I fucking want.
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Companies want these Protestant Work Ethic types who only know the grind. I have a great work ethic. I take pride in my work, I am dogged about quality, but I do not make coding my entire life. I do not DREAM of labor!
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It's so distressing having this be massively disqualifying. I don't have a personal website. I don't have any personal code projects to showcase. I have a fucking life. I have a band. I'm an amateur woodworker. I cook for my family. I garden. I have a social life. That means I'm a bad candidate.
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It should be a picture of Bill Belichick wrestling a rat dressed like Steven Tyler for a bottle of Makers Mark.
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The castle, despite being closed off, dusty, and falling into obscurity remained structurally unharmed, and its main occupant was sufficiently fed and sheltered and tended to. It doesn’t add up.
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“So what?”
Well, there’s fresh food. They prepare Belle a stellar banquet. There’s a full stock of firewood. Unless there were talking floating axes who swung themselves at timber, all of these things would have arrived at the castle by trade. There was no evidence of farming on the premises.
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He gets cursed and becomes a shut in. Ostensibly traders and diplomats have attempted to visit, but were they turned away? No way the talking furniture acted as a proxy for the head of the house. There’s no evidence anyone has come to or departed from the castle premises in quite some time.
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Most people would fall in love with that level of consistency.
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Oh gosh if you haven’t seen any spoilers or long bits of mid and late game footage, the game is absolutely pulling its punches on the art. It’s so invested in keeping you gasping at every beat.
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“It’s giving old people” feels synonymous with “looks Jewish.”