billhicksrip.bsky.social
A tribute to one of the greatest stand-ups of all time: A preacher, a philosopher and a visionary. Sharing quotes from Bill Hicks, lest we forget him.
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Sorry. Should have saved this for my other account but that is a Venn diagram with no overlap 😂
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😂
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If it's a choice between eternal Hell and good tunes, and eternal Heaven and New Kids on the fuckin' Block … I'm gonna be surfin' on the lake of fire, rockin' out.
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“Mummy I woke up today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer!”
“That’s the story of Jesus”
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That was one weekend, man. That was Easter weekend!
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Why those two things? Why not "Goldfish left Lincoln Logs in your sock drawer"? As long as we're making shit up - go hog wild!
At least a goldfish with a Lincoln Log on its back crawling across your floor to your sock drawer has a miraculous connotation to it.
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I wonder why we're fucked up as a race. I've read the Bible. I can't find the word "bunny" or "chocolate" anywhere in the fucking book.
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....watching an empty stage
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I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight: Guys, if you could blow yourselves.... Ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now...
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Yeah, now all the guys are going "Honey I have no idea what he's talkin' about..... I think he's a devil child!"
That may be true, but guys.....yyyyyyyyou know what I'm talkin' about 😉
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It's that one vertebrae, I swear to God. It's THAT close. I think that vertebrae is gonna be the thing to go in our next evolutionary step....
Just a theory...
and a FERVENT PRAYER
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Hell - pretend I'm mopping. Knock yourself out.
I'll pretend they're buying stuff; we can close up...."
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What?!.....
You want your grandmother dying like a little bird in some hospital room; her translucent skin so thin you can see her last heartbeat work its way down her blue veins?! Or do you want her to meet Chuck Norris?
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Hear me out - because I know to some of you this may sound a little cruel "Aw Bill, terminally ill stunt people? That's cruel."
You know what I think cruel is? Leaving your loved ones to die in some sterile hospital room surrounded by strangers. Fuck that! Put 'em in the movies!
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God, I wish I had a camera right now. With a telescopic lens.
Stewardess! Since we got a breeze in here - can we smoke now? Fairly well circulated at this point.
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And then the kid runs over to the emergency exit and starts flipping the handle to the door. And the guy next to the mom starts to get up and I go "Wait a minute... we're about to learn an important lesson right here"
Whhoooooossh!
Why you're right!
The smaller he gets, the cuter he is!
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And he's decided that his job is to repetitively tap me on the top of the head. I look across the aisle at his mom. She's just smiling...
A guy next to the mom goes "They're so cute when they're that small".
Isn't that amazing?...Letting your kid run loose on a fucking plane?!
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I was on this one flight right, I'm sleeping on the plane, I'm fucking "knackered". Very tired, right, and I feel this tapping on my head...
And I look up and there's this little kid - loose - on the fucking plane! He's just loose. It's his playground in the sky!