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brickmahoney.bsky.social
Hey man it was a joke - no need to involve the authorities Why slow down to gawk at auto wrecks when you can view my posts safely 👇 https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:cwxdaayqwdlfjni7g3ududab/feed/aaadwtmcpy7uc
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*knuckle tats* P E N T H I E F

Angel: And we call this new invention "justice" God: Approved, but also send 'em billionaires to fuck 'em up lol

Wilford Brimley is disappointed in the amount of candy you ate yesterday

He's a 10, but he makes hot cocoa with water instead of milk...

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It had mixed feelings about the times.

Him: You've got a lot of junk in your trunk. Me: *closing lid* Yeah, but I just know I'll need it two days after I throw it out.

Radio 'ten-code' explained: 10-4: affirmative 10-10: negative 10-20: location 10-sandwich: all units to blimpie

3 different women and 1 gay dude told me my boots were awesome today. I'll be chasing this high for awhile y'all.

-That which provides shade also blocks the sun -Are you having trouble pooping again honey?

When I was a kid, I was terrified I'd die on the toilet. I now accept it as an inevitability.

I have 3 kids, I’m like really good at sex.

him: “you make me feel all warm and mushy inside” me: “are you about to shart?”

redecorating this outhouse to make it an outhome

if carson beck texts that he needs a ride it's probably legit

Well it just so happens I LIKE being a jester for an online misery cult

A 48 hour social media break will have you feeling like Ben Kenobi staggering out of the hills with a hood on

Not to be rude but I feel like professional bowlers should be able to get a strike basically every time like your only job is knocking down pins just practice enough that you can always do it ffs

i prefer mine al dante.

calligraphy is great. like if you want to write a strongly worded letter to benjamin franklin.

yeah, well…could a depressed person do this!? (cries for three hours on an unmade bed)

your secret “Ho Name” is your first name. followed by your last name.

congratulations on naming your son Grayson. he’ll probably become a lawyer. or Batman’s butler.

pierced ears are for gypsies and whores. -my grandma on fashion trends

i really hope AI replaces gay people soon. it’s so exhausting keeping you all away from track lighting & in flattering outfits.

husband: i’m home! (inspecting inside of garbage can) hey. did you eat like five candy bars today? me: AM I UNDER INVESTIGATION HERE!?* IS THIS NAZI GERMANY!?** *i did **i totally did

"Oh look, a two-lane highway. I better drive the same exact speed as the person next to me" - the biggest assholes in the world

Dear diary, I touched a boob today. It was soft and squishy and I liked it. I hope to one day touch all of the boobs

I just wanna be rich enough not to have to ask how much its going to cost me for extra cheese

Much like an elephant, a Tupperware container used to store leftover spaghetti never forgets

That awkward moment when you know she's the one but the cop still wants you to sign the restraining order.

Much like your cell phone, when a woman goes silent, you worry.