darthleviosa.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

A hot dog walks into a bun. Hot dog: Pardon me. Bun: Well now you're really screwed and so am I. Hot dog: Hmm? Bun: People eat plain hot dogs. People eat hot dogs on buns. No one eats plain buns. You've doomed me. Hot dog: Oh, I see your point. I'm sorry. Human bites bun and hot dog in half

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

Because of the... everything, the only path to happiness is distraction or denial. In case you were wondering, jokes about hot dogs fall under distraction.

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

Instead of saying undefeated, let's just say feated.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Fires a ton of people WTF? Why is unemployment up?

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Me: What should we call meat between two slices of bread? Frank: Sand witch. Me: What? Why? Frank: Sandwich? Me: Oh, that's much better. Okay.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Me, reading news on my phone: Why am I reading this? It just upsets me. My phone: You have to stay informed. Me: What's the point? I can't change anything. My phone: Sure you can. Organize, mobilize, donate. This all helps. Me: Why are you talking? You're a phone.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

It's more like joking into the void.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

So I'm watching The Gorge and I'm thinking hey this is kind of a neat premise even though it's a little silly and oh no, it just got stupid.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

What number do I text to vote for the Red Hulk to be the next Pope?

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Yoda: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. Me: You're pretty smart for a Muppet. Yoda: Muppet I am not. Me: Take it easy, Rowlf. Yoda: Idiot, you are, hmm? Me: I'm like ten times your size. Yoda: Size matters not. Me: That's not what your wife said.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Someone posts something about a person Comments: -That person is a true hero we are lucky to be on the same planet with. -That person is the embodiment of evil and must be sacrificed on an altar of bone. I just think maybe shut up.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

You think the country is divisive now? You should have been around when there was practically a civil war over whether to pump up the volume or pump up the jam.

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

You know the saying "shooting yourself in the foot"? Would it apply if you make a population you live near a) as misinformed as possible, b) as armed as possible, c) as sick as possible, d) as angry as possible, and e) as poor as possible? I mean, what could happen?

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Zero Day is when you can bring Billy Corgan to school with you.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Normalize listening to Monster Mash in February.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

George Floyd was a very unpopular dictator who really really hurt that policeman's knee with his throat.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Me: rips an insane guitar solo Van Gogh: What?

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Investing in crypto that can only be used to buy hot dogs.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Chimp chomps chump champ, film at 11.

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

Places that won't exist anymore: Stores Restaurants Office buildings Every building will be: A residence A weed dispensary Or filled with slot machines

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

Please sign up for my newsletter where I dissect the internal workings of that thing that looks like a little table they put on your pizza so it doesn't get squished by the box.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

Cupid: I'm going to shoot you with an arrow right in your heart. Me: Is that a threat? Cupid: No, it will make you fall in love. Me, dreamily: Too late, you winged baby in a diaper blinks

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

Snow is nature's way of covering up all the bodies of the dead it has murdered.

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

Kick snare, kick kick snare. What a kangaroo does when you try to capture it.

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

Twiddling tiddlywinks.

submitted 18 days ago • 1 comment

I hereby sign this executive order to rename it Unchapstick.

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

Excited for the new song by Metallica called "Dave Mustaine Picks His Ass." GAME OVER

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

I hate football, concerts, music, lights, and any kind of performance. The only thing I love is the Super Bowl Halftime Show.

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

Me, taking a knee during the national anthem at the super bowl. Referee: You have to bring that back. Player: AHHHH, MY KNEE!

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

Dad from Small Wonder: I built a robot that looks just like a human! Police: Does it look like a prepubescent girl? Dad: ...no? Police: Okay, cool. Have fun! Dad: Oh, don't worry, I will. Police: You sure this isn't a female child robot? Dad winks. Police: Take him away.

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

Me, at my first Naugahydaholics Anonymous meeting: I don't think I have a problem and I don't want to be anonymous.

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

Love Hurts is a fun action comedy where every character says the f-word every other sentence for some reason, and there is a lot of violence and blood, and actually is not very fun, or clever, or funny, or good. They didn't even have Data say Booty Trap. But they do kill Mikey. RIP Mikey.

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

Me explaining 80's sitcoms to a 19 year old: Every white family had a black kid and there would be very special episodes where the kids get molested. Them: ... Me: You really missed out.

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

Me: Eat a bag of Ritz. Them: I would enjoy that very much.

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

Bob: Frankly, I think it's time to leave. Frank: Stop imitating me!

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

We had Dead Kennedys. We had Rage Against The Machine. Now we have... um...

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

Me: letting my dog outside A Baha Man:

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

And the Grammy for Best Song Trying To Determine How Pets Were Able To Leave The House goes to...

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

I don't drink because alcohol kills brain cells. I prefer to kill my brain cells the old fashioned way: stabbing my brain with thumbtacks.

submitted 26 days ago • 1 comment

An Atari 2600 joystick but the stick is a hot dog and the button is a pickle slice.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

I think when someone can't convince stupid people to not do something stupid, we should assign most of the blame to the stupid people.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Dance like George McFly is up in a tree with binoculars watching.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Calling something overrated/underrated implies you know how everyone rates that thing and what its actual rating is. Effective immediately, I'm going to need a lot more data from when you use those words.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

I'm as overlooked as the first r in February.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments