emberlynslade.bsky.social
🏡Minneapolis ✨ Tiny, Elite Courtesan who’s likely Touring a City Near You ✨
Pilates Princess 🤸🏻♀️ Nature Lover 🌱
🎁 throne.com/EmberlynSlade
🌐 EmberlynSlade.com
📧 [email protected]
1,869 posts
2,841 followers
1,136 following
Regular Contributor
Active Commenter
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I’m going to be detailing life updates, tours, general/FMTY availability, maybe I’ll run some specials, options are endless really. ☺️💓
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Yeah they got bought by someone a few years ago and they’ve been putting out the same sets for what seems like years.
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To be fair, I am still less than 100 lbs and skinny. I just have more muscle, flexibility, my joints and bones don’t fucking hurt all the time!! 😅
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I just wrote a whole post about this 😂 bsky.app/profile/embe...
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Ooof, stinks you can’t see the planes well on here - you could on the app I made it on 😮💨🥲
Oh well. I’ll remember that for next time and choose a diff color, too much work to change it now. 😃
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Future Tours ~
Aug 15-18 • Bay Area
Aug 20-21 • Silicon Valley
Sept 11-13 • Omaha
Sept 26-30 • San Diego
Oct 5-7 • Seattle
Oct 23-28 • Boston
Nov 6-11 • Chicago
Dec 4-9 • West Palm Beach
GFE • FMTY
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Will be canceled by Friday if prebookings aren’t enough to make it there ✨
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Anyway. I would do again, it was great. Loved it.
Just not the hard levels bc I would be stuck in there all night if there wasn’t a time limit 😆 (usually an hr)
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I assume that getting good at those things is something you start from easy level and learn how those games work at all to be able to even grasp the hard ones.
It really doesn’t help that I’m just fucking awful riddles. 😆😇
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The hint would be like: count how many ropes are on the chair, how many tools are in the box, and how many pictures are on the wall - that’s what the code for the lock for the next step is.
And we would just look at each other like how the fuck did they get that out of the riddle? 😭😭 n just laugh 🤣
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I did it once with a client. At the time, I had a friend that said it sounded like a nightmare but I had a blast.
The only open choice that night was the hardest level, neither of us had done one before, and I had hit my dab pen too many times.
All we did was giggle and ask for clues. 🤣😂😭
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You’re not my lover. But you did forever change my life. 💓
🖤Ember
P.s. I feel very lucky and privileged that I get to feel this way about my job despite stigma or the darker sides of this industry. So thank you. You’re actually the ones who did that. 💞
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Real and decent kind men, do exist. I don’t need to settle for crumbs. I can be safe, selective, so honestly and bluntly myself, and still be so wanted and successful.
This job isn’t easy in so many different ways, but there are men here who do make it so.
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see the whole person I am beneath it. You remember my favorite snacks, preferences and things that I like. You pick out the best gifts! You leave me relaxed, feeling serene. Excited for the next moments we meet. The truth is that this work didn’t harden me, it softened me. Like, so deeply it hurts!
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sometimes you show me somewhere extravagant, new and blissful or perhaps just a goofy dive bar in Philly that I weirdly expected to be more dive-y. 🤨
But no matter where, I am treated with kindness and respect, a type of generosity not known only with donation.
Yes this is a ‘fantasy’ but you
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men who make all of it possible and keep me here and happy, are you guys. 💓
So let me tell you about you. My favorites/returning clients.
We could gab all day. Just two people sharing space that lacks judgement, full of giggles and warmth from both of us. Sometimes we just hang out inside,
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Anywho. I know this was very blunt and maybe sometimes a little mean but this is what we deal with and I am tired so here is an informational thread that I hope everyone reads. 🤗🫠 maybe I’ll add more later.
Also, please notice how none of this has to do with what you look like!
🖤Ember
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-you remind me of a bad ex. Yep. That’s literally it. I don’t want to think about him and if you embody that mfer? Goodbye. Sorry, I know it has nothing to do with you. 💞😂 but proves how simple it can be!
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^im not the type of person to feel the urge to do drugs. I’m occasionally around drugs at a social event, I have no problem *not* doing them but being around it is irregular for me
I simply live a completely different lifestyle than people who drink or do hard drugs. They are as lost as I once was.
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-you’re a drunk or high on hard drugs. Yeah, a lil drinky-poo is fine here and there but if you’ve been heavily drinking for hours before we meet? NOPE. Signs of drug abuse, obvious and not - NO. I hold empathy for addictions bc I used to have one (and know what to look for), but not in my space. 🙅🏻♀️
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^ I also only take electronic payment for deposit, and there’s been times where a long date comes up and on the literal day they say, “hey I can’t get cash, can I just send you X thousand $$ over the Internet?”
Um no. 🤯
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-being off with the donation. Even if you balance it up. If I count the money and it’s off, nope. Never again bc in my mind you’re trying to see if I’m pliable or won’t care/notice. Better be more $$ rather than less. Look at the numbers I sent you and if you’re confused, ASK.
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-commenting really gross or weird shit on my social media all the time. Commenting like you’re sending an email, etc. this is a place to see a bit of my personality, what I like, who I am, catch up on Ember happenings. I’m very active here. This is not a place to pester me with weird shit.
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-chemistry isn’t there and/or the vibe isn’t right. I’m a highly intuitive person and sometimes the vibe is just off. I don’t get along with everybody and I would like to enjoy my job. I can tell the difference between someone who’s a lil nervous and someone who is maliciously feeding on my soul.
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-you have painful stubble that you’re rubbing all over my body (literal sand paper on my sensitive skin - low self awareness) or an untamed beard that looks crusty as fuck.
I love men with facial hair and in my personal life, usually date men with it. What you do with the facial hair is important.
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-this has never happened but if someone were to write a review on one of those sites, I would never see them again. It’s gross, and legal evidence.
I’ve considered asking regulars to write me a review on a few occasions (haven’t followed through) but that would be the only acceptable time.
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^if you wanna stop seeing me and work on it with your wife, lmk. I’d be happy to help in the background for awhile and eventually lose the income. -I’m so serious.
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-talking bad about your wife. To be super fair, I don’t really wanna hear about the fact that you are committing infidelity at all. I ignore it as part of my job, but I find it disgusting. And if you’re gonna talk bad about that lady too while spending both your retirement $$ on me, fuck you. Fr.
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-the obvious boundary pusher. Or someone who’s 🍆 goes soft when they hear “no” or “I don’t do that” - disappointment is ok but visible/genuine upset? got me fuuuucked up.
Also.
If I’ve already said no: “Please” “just for a little” “come on” -immediate ejection from my time and space for eternity
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-I knew a client wasn’t a cop, bc like… well.. ya know.. but the kind of questions he was asking after made me feel like I was being interrogated by one.
It was very odd. Don’t do that, I’m cool with telling you about my sole proprietorship but don’t ask me how to do illegal things, or similar. 🫠🫥
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-on the flip side of stink, if you make my whole hotel room smell like cologne for hours, I’m about to get a headache and pissed off. 😠
A little cologne? Sure, like literally one spray. It’s nice. 👍🏻
Douse yourself with 6 sprays immediately before arriving? NO. 😶🌫️
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-Your breath stank sooooo bad or you have visible cavities/gum disease/etc ~ these are contagious 😷
You are typically spending thousands of dollars on me/others. Brush your teeth more often and fix your mouth for your health and our sanity. 😃 I promise it’s not just me that notices.
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^any misogynistic, racist, homophobia, weird type of comments are so not something I’m interested in either.
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-you’re a nazi or a trumplican. Sorry, I do purposefully talk about politics every session bc I’m gauging if you have empathy/brains. You often try to come to me with a “centrist” or “third person” view ~ trust that I see right through you and you will never be seeing me again ~you can’t fake it 🚫
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-You are WAY TOO LOUD! ~I once had a man that literally screamed 💦, like it sounded like it echoed through the damn hallway too. Or you speak way too loudly, generally. My incall is typically a hotel room, STOP SHOUTING. 🗣️ I actually shouldn’t have to tell you not to blow up the spot? 😒 ruuuuuude!
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-You’re too grabby. What about my ads say “I love being grabbed, my hair pulled, my head pushed down and treated like a porn doll” ?😃 ~trust that I understand women do advertise this way, if thats their thing then I’m not hating. 🤑
However, it is NOT MY THING. And I do NOT advertise as so. 🙃
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-You fucking stink. It’s never the people who actually do smell good, it’s always the people who think showering before they worked all day was good enough and their sweaty ass somehow isn’t smelly bc they showered 3-10H ago. It is. Wash your ass and ⚽️🏀🍆 VERY WELL or be exiled. 😷
pew. Fr.