emersonfridge.bsky.social
They called me the Shit King in high school
921 posts
30 followers
25 following
Regular Contributor
Active Commenter
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Thank you shachou good night shachou
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Im limited on characters so I didn't elaborate enough but you can tell if someone is paying attention by their eyes. Even someone with really shifty eyes can be paying attention, there's an inflection there that I can't describe
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Most people tend not to think that way and despite having never researched that statistic before I can tell because even if someone doesn't respond to me irl their face says a lot. You'd be making decent eye contact most likely, most people are looking around and vaguely nodding
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I just get so excited when I think that maybe people wanna hear me talk for once about the thoughts bouncing around my head and by the time im halfway through my makeshift comedy routine I can see people looking over my shoulder waiting for something to stop me
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I been talkin too much and I can tell people want me to stop talking so bad so I'm gonna finally concede and stop talking for a while
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Where all my dq workers at, fuck free cone day
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I don't think so because imposter syndrome is in regards to real success with real skill and I'm literally just lying all the time to get away with shit
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Best 6 months of my life was that half year where I don't think a single thought crossed my mind and it was awesome. Hope I can tap into that again
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I appreciate it brother
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I've thought about it, procrastination really kicks my butt though
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Thank you for coming to my ted talk about how I fumbled a baddie by being retarded and ignorant, tune in tomorrow for some more posting about my shortcomings and why it makes me a lesser being.
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I try to reflect on my faults by putting it into writing or speaking about it in some capacity. Even if my faults are something I cannot physically rid myself of, like autism, I can still find workarounds. I'll never find a workaround if I don't spell out my faults in some capacity.
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Because I fucked up so devastatingly bad that I damaged my own view of the world and likely caused her large amount of emotional grief as well, I have grown to resent the parts of me that caused it, be it my personality, ill-timed use of speaking skills, or my autism. Controllable or not, it hurts.
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Two teenagers come together and waste a year and a half of their lives because both of them had faults that were fundamentally incompatible. They're both to blame for some of it because it's usually a two-way street in relationships. Of course I'm bitter about my time, but also because I fucked up
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Of course I was a shitty boyfriend, I have no emotional sensitivities and I mentally reduced her to an object to preach at and fix as opposed to a human being with intricacies and imperfections. I was an ignorant teenager who fucked up. I've apologized for my actions before, though I'm still bitter
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I think my one desire to use that skill was when I was with my ex-girlfriend a few years back. I was so overtaken by love and the desire to fix her that it unconsciously came forward and led to back and forth toxic behaviors between us that eventually tore us apart. I will not deny half of the blame
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I've made people cry real tears of emotion by dragging out the same point and rewording it a little extra with some pizazz thrown on there. I was blessed with having a way with words and no desire or outlet to use it. I dislike sounding smart in a personal setting because it becomes impersonal
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Growing up I had a fascination with public speaking. I have horrible stage fright which discouraged me from ever pursuing that outside of required classwork, though I have reason to believe I'm skilled by the reviews I received for my presentations. Part of that I attribute to working in a drivethru
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I try not to use my public speaking skills because it makes me seem pretentious in any context besides me standing at a podium, and even then I'm pushing it. I have baseline academic wording baked into my skull and most of my thoughts form in that medium, but I translate it out of that language
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Almost every regret I have is because I didn't take someone's advice seriously and I fucked myself over as a result. I told him "if you don't listen to me now, I wish you the best. You're gonna be 40 with a half gimped arm thinking about how you wish you listened to that bald retard at work"
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Didn't wear my retainer, had to get braces twice. Didn't take it easy while getting back into manual labor, permanently herniated a disc in my spine which causes me massive pain if I sleep wrong. Lied for no reason many times, got myself into hell which could have been avoided.
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He was like "aw man I can't fucking do anything" and it's like man I get it, we both get stir crazy really easily, but the one thing I know is that most of my long-term regrets come from very short term decisions that caused me hell because I didn't wanna follow the rules
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Just took a shower and I'm all clean and sparkly but I'm still gonna kill myself
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Nevermind that shits over a hundred bucks fuck that
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No
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I'm gonna stop talking just entirely, which is the easiest solution to my problem. Goodbye!
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I try to engage with people when I can, especially if they seem somewhat passionate about whatever they're talking about but I do not be receiving the same treatment ever
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"nah you good go play games with your friends" knowing good and well that I'm one bad moment away from saying the worst thing I've ever even conceived of
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Burnt.
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It's a massive personal issue that nothing I've ever done has been able to manage. Outside of lengthening the time between outbursts by learning how to stop talking, it's the same situation. It always boils over eventually in the same way and I can't figure out how to get a handle on it
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Unfortunately for me there is no recovery because it never gets better so I'm cooked
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I've been refusing game invites, I've been refusing hangout invites, I've been refusing dinner invites, I've even been refusing to exist in proximity to someone else in a game. I'm cooked because every little thing is sending me over the edge