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haikuambulance.bsky.social
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Harry Potter fan who fell into a coma shortly after reading The Deathly Hallows wakes up in 2025

submitted 1 day ago • 45 comments

husband texted me

submitted 3 days ago • 81 comments

Wordle 1,385 5/6 Bastards ⬜🟨⬜⬜⬜ ⬜🟩🟩🟩🟩 ⬜🟩🟩🟩🟩 ⬜🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

I have tariffed the penguins that are on Heard Island and which you were probably assuming did not export goods forgive me they were taking advantage of us so cunning and so cold

submitted 4 days ago • 565 comments

I don’t want to know what chlorinated chicken is.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Trump has put 10% tariffs on all these countries too.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Forgot I was on a phone call about council tax Them: What band are you in Me: Erm, The Charlatans Them: Your council tax band? 😬

submitted 4 days ago • 101 comments

AND NEXT UP, WE HAVE WHISTLIN DON J AND HIS DIGITAL WASHBOARD SYNTHESISER

submitted 5 days ago • 3 comments

I guess this is the sort of thing that’s liable to happen if you elect someone who was described by his own Secretary of State when last in power as ‘a fucking moron’.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Edgy Internet Guy™ (2025)

submitted 6 days ago • 25 comments

New Beatles movie sounds fab.

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

After the tornado of stupidities unleashed by the Trump administration since January, I’m genuinely alarmed at the thought of what they might come up with for April Fools Day.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Went to see Eraserhead at the local Picturehouse last night & someone there had made a model of the baby.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Please don’t tell me that the half mile queue of traffic I had to avoid near me earlier on a beautiful spring Sunday lunchtime was down to the recently opened drive through Starbucks. I might have to shoot myself in the head if that’s the case.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Anything by Queen

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Still scratching my head re. Ally McCoist’s comment after Eze’s goal for Palace v Fulham: ‘early kick-off or not, you won’t see a better goal than that today!’.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

This isn’t just faeces… This is M&S faeces.

submitted 10 days ago • 18 comments

The demise of WHSmith reminds me of when my friend queued for ages to buy a protractor, only to get to the front and discover that it was Jeffrey Archer doing a signing

submitted 11 days ago • 49 comments

Describe your account in one Simpsons image

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 12 days ago • 14 comments

How about a rousing rendition of this before bedtime. All together now.. youtu.be/ahzNnXex5fY

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

The disability element of Universal Credit will be cut by 50% and frozen for new claimants. I don't have the language to express the hatred I have in my soul for these people.

submitted 12 days ago • 22 comments

1 day for every 3.6 eggs. Harsh.

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

Keir Starmer saying he ‘likes and respects’ Donald Trump a few days before declaring war on the poor and the disabled. Imagine voting for these shits.

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

If you texted war plans to my mum, she'd just reply with 'ok x'

submitted 12 days ago • 9 comments

Pretty sure if Trump accidentally nuked Washington while sleeping at Mar-a-Lago he’d say it was a glitch & it was a failed & very nasty city anyway.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

In the words of Uncle Monty in Withnail and I: ‘There is no true beauty without decay’.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Hearing I’m a Believer at work this morning made me want to listen to one of the best cover versions of all time again. youtube.com/watch?v=Y7PB...

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

#booksky

submitted 14 days ago • 42 comments

Mike Waltz, Pete Hegseth and the whole GroupChatFunWar gang sure have made me feel better about the time I texted "nice butt, be a shame if someone squeezed it at the airport" with this selfie to my boyfriend when I was on my way to the airport to pick him up but accidentally texted it to my agent.

submitted 14 days ago • 17 comments

Moment of the day: old guy at the till in Currys doing a delighted little dance while Stand by Me was playing, while his wife stood there giving him dark looks & trying to get the attention of staff by tapping her card on the counter.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

All the episodes of Adolescence were filmed in one continuous take & that’s how I watched it in the end, all in one go. I needed to get out & go for a drink afterwards though.

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

You can’t bring your speedboat into this harbour, because of wake.

submitted 16 days ago • 17 comments

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments