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iamyen.bsky.social
Real human person. Pinky promise!
40 posts 75 followers 199 following
Prolific Poster
Posts 42 Comments 6

Tonight I baked brownies with real cat shit

submitted 18 hours ago • 10 comments

once i remember why i walked into this room it's over for you all

submitted 1 day ago • 85 comments

cop: the speed limit is 55. any idea how fast you were going? me: no sorry cop: 73. do you know how much that is over? me: uhhh... cop rips off cop mask to reveal my 2nd grade math teacher: i knew it, i knew you cheated on that quiz

submitted 19 hours ago • 2 comments

I WILL CARBON DATE YOUR DICK, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.

submitted 1 day ago • 44 comments

that's so wild, *i* was also going to eat hot chip & lie

submitted 1 day ago • 21 comments

Egg drop soup Egg clumsy Egg bad waiter Egg fired again Egg turn to life of crime

submitted 1 day ago • 133 comments

This cat wants snacks

submitted 22 hours ago • 0 comments

Fahrenheit is a better measurement of temperature because the numbers show more nuance. This is a hill I’m willing to die on!

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

You have added a trusted device to: 𝚏𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚋𝚊𝚜𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 If you do not trust the device "𝙛𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙖𝙘𝙚_𝙢𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙚_𝙧𝙪𝙞𝙣_𝙛𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙖𝙘𝙚.𝙚𝙭𝙚" please change your Settings

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

i'm on bluesky for the scientific community

submitted 2 days ago • 402 comments

Cute stud finders in your area want you to know, “BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!”

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

[being forcibly removed from a restaurant] IF WE WERE FAMILY YOU WOULD LET ME SEE THE GARDEN WITH OLIVES

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

I've consolidated my wardrobe into one indoor outfit (an egg-stained fleece blanket with arm holes) and one outdoor outfit (8 pairs of cargo shorts sewn together into a onesie)

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

Muffins are so important because they're the very best way to eat a piece of cake for breakfast without everybody asking you if you're okay

submitted 4 days ago • 103 comments

DAD: son you can be fast or you can be furious. Nobody can be both. Now go to your room VIN DIESEL: *muttering* I’ll show you someday dad you’ll see

submitted 3 days ago • 8 comments

I really love cats

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

regular person: fart fancy person: fartholemew

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

Guy who has never heard “hors d'oeuvre” but has read it: Would anyone like a horse do over?

submitted 5 days ago • 27 comments

Gonna go lay face down on the highway for a bit, later y’all.

submitted 5 days ago • 14 comments

why stop at carrot cake? here have some asparagus pudding you sick fuck

submitted 5 days ago • 120 comments

YIECM Yeah, I eat canned menudo

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

this is the face of a man who is about to end the bird flu epidemic by eating every infected bird

submitted 6 days ago • 883 comments

You know what's cooler than being cool? The heat death of the universe.

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

they should make robitussin for men. brobitussin

submitted 6 days ago • 118 comments

"replace toner"? no, Brother, the toner cartridge is getting pulled out and immediately shoved right back in. you print until the pages come out blank

submitted 6 days ago • 17 comments

replace tom cruise with a giant cat and call it 𝙍𝒊𝙨𝒌𝙮 𝘽𝒊𝙨𝒄𝙪𝒊𝙩𝒔

submitted 5 days ago • 6 comments

Deer in the headlights? That’s gonna take forever to cook. You should try an oven

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

How do you know that all cheesecakes are girls? Because they’re called SHEsecakes, not HEsecakes!

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

oh cool I’ve been meaning to learn anxiety

submitted 8 days ago • 233 comments

Why do cats bitch-slap as a first line of defense? Silliest apex predators ever.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

eating is such a scam. you do it and then sure enough you have to do it again a few hours later

submitted 8 days ago • 32 comments

no meat

submitted 7 days ago • 67 comments

Whoever is naming the sinks at Lowe’s should be ashamed of themselves. Dunsley is definitely getting made fun of in sink school.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

WIFE: what are you watching ME: the sound of music NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: *crashes through my tv* you don’t watch sound you listen to it

submitted 9 days ago • 8 comments

Been eating healthy and it sucks. I recommend eating garbage until a doctor makes you stop.

submitted 9 days ago • 15 comments

STOP reading books and START drinking paint

submitted 10 days ago • 46 comments

Costco and Trader Joes are yin and yang. Together they form a harmonious balance. One sells big piles of normal food, the other sells small piles of weird food. These are the two food piles people need

submitted 11 days ago • 117 comments

I will keep eating ice cream until things improve

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

Women belong in the kitchen. Men belong in the kitchen. Everyone belongs in the kitchen. Kitchen has Food.

submitted 12 days ago • 368 comments

Most people don't know this but Ancient Rome was fully remote until Julius Caesar implemented a return to office program and well you know what happened next

submitted 13 days ago • 140 comments

[commercial for rakes] are you tired of eating leaves?

submitted 14 days ago • 3 comments

Vin Diesel's full name is 1GNCS18Z3M0115561

submitted 14 days ago • 7 comments