jalapenoenema.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Dear whoever has my voodoo doll. Harder.

submitted 29 minutes ago • 0 comments

i'm convinced Americans would vote for a sasquatch if it hated the same people they do

submitted 1 hour ago • 6 comments

I'm not usually the type to flaunt my generational wealth, but sometimes when I make eggs, I make an extra one for the dog.

submitted 39 minutes ago • 2 comments

Just to confirm that we won't be taking any MAGA refugees.

submitted 34 minutes ago • 2 comments

Just farted so hard that I think my anus prolapsed. Let’s make out.

submitted 55 minutes ago • 5 comments

If it’s not called “5HREK” what are we even doing anymore

submitted 21 hours ago • 11 comments

Apparently you can put too much cheese in an omelette, even my hair is sweating.

submitted 6 hours ago • 0 comments

Had to really thug it out and make my quesadilla with mozzarella

submitted 17 hours ago • 1 comment

dating me is halloween everyday.

submitted 15 hours ago • 0 comments

'You plonker, Rodney!'

submitted 7 hours ago • 0 comments

Taking a mental health walk. Maybe off a bridge. Haven’t decided yet.

submitted 23 hours ago • 1 comment

I look like a Republican woman and it’s the bane of my existence

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

She puts the butter on the noodles or she gets the sads again

submitted 35 days ago • 5 comments

I couldn't remember the word for remember. But then I remembered.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

I'm here to chew ass and kick bubblegum and now my shoe is sticky.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

The Untouchables but Wallace doesn't get killed. That scene ruined me more than when trigger warning Artax sank in the mud.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

The Untouchables but Elliot Ness trips on the stairs and gets run over by the pram.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

For anyone who doesn't have a binary translator app on their phone - there must be one or two of you - feel free to ask me about my header pic.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

Holy shit it worked. Being a brazen arsehole is clearly the way. And luckily I only had to become brazen to get there.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

Pinned from the other place: I spent 5 min. in the dark trying to get my charger in my phone. I'm embarrassed & I feel like I owe some dudes from high school an apology.

submitted 102 days ago • 21 comments

I feel like Schrödinger and the guy who wrote the Hokey Cokey* would have had a lot to say to each other. *The Hokey Pokey for my American friends.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

Schrodinger's love interest

submitted 23 hours ago • 1 comment

My ADHD justice sensitivity is just never going to settle down with these people in power, huh

submitted 1 day ago • 17 comments

I generally present as a normal, functioning adult but I’ve had the Wii theme song playing in my head since 2007

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

If you pretend that you're erasing evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you'll do a better job and it's more fun!

submitted 1 day ago • 56 comments

Anybody looking for funny people to follow, I'm right here.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

I know right, how am I still squeezing terrible jokes out of that irritatingly catchy song from Reservoir Dogs. No, the other one.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

Taking a shit in a coconut would probably taste better than lime.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

And I'm high obviously.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

Don't talk to me right now, I've got stars in my eyes.

submitted 18 hours ago • 1 comment

PSA, having your cock pierced makes it sound bigger.

submitted 17 hours ago • 1 comment

Damn, there's never a hot assassin with a killer smile around when you need one.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

i am a Little, only 5'4", but i skeet much taller

submitted 22 hours ago • 8 comments

you don't have to like me, but I'm still gonna remind you to drink some water and take any meds you need to take

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Hear me out, negative life coaching for arrogant rich people.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

I want to trust science, but I also want to believe that they're wrong and the sun is actually going to explode tomorrow.

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

Unambiguously love the guy who works at the deli near my office. Last summer I told him I was going to the beach one weekend and he immediately responded with "shirt's off party time!" Today I didn't order a grilled cheese like usual and he seemed deeply upset. I think we're best friends.

submitted 22 hours ago • 156 comments

Does anyone know what time my demographic come online? I don't want to waste anymore absolute bangers on an empty room. I could just do an open mic for that.

Dear whoever has my voodoo doll. Harder.

i'm convinced Americans would vote for a sasquatch if it hated the same people they do

I'm not usually the type to flaunt my generational wealth, but sometimes when I make eggs, I make an extra one for the dog.

Just to confirm that we won't be taking any MAGA refugees.

Just farted so hard that I think my anus prolapsed. Let’s make out.

If it’s not called “5HREK” what are we even doing anymore

Apparently you can put too much cheese in an omelette, even my hair is sweating.

Had to really thug it out and make my quesadilla with mozzarella

dating me is halloween everyday.

'You plonker, Rodney!'

Taking a mental health walk. Maybe off a bridge. Haven’t decided yet.

I look like a Republican woman and it’s the bane of my existence

She puts the butter on the noodles or she gets the sads again

I couldn't remember the word for remember. But then I remembered.

I'm here to chew ass and kick bubblegum and now my shoe is sticky.

The Untouchables but Wallace doesn't get killed. That scene ruined me more than when trigger warning Artax sank in the mud.

The Untouchables but Elliot Ness trips on the stairs and gets run over by the pram.

For anyone who doesn't have a binary translator app on their phone - there must be one or two of you - feel free to ask me about my header pic.

Holy shit it worked. Being a brazen arsehole is clearly the way. And luckily I only had to become brazen to get there.

Pinned from the other place: I spent 5 min. in the dark trying to get my charger in my phone. I'm embarrassed & I feel like I owe some dudes from high school an apology.

I feel like Schrödinger and the guy who wrote the Hokey Cokey* would have had a lot to say to each other. *The Hokey Pokey for my American friends.

Schrodinger's love interest

My ADHD justice sensitivity is just never going to settle down with these people in power, huh

I generally present as a normal, functioning adult but I’ve had the Wii theme song playing in my head since 2007

If you pretend that you're erasing evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you'll do a better job and it's more fun!

Anybody looking for funny people to follow, I'm right here.

I know right, how am I still squeezing terrible jokes out of that irritatingly catchy song from Reservoir Dogs. No, the other one.

Taking a shit in a coconut would probably taste better than lime.

And I'm high obviously.

Don't talk to me right now, I've got stars in my eyes.

PSA, having your cock pierced makes it sound bigger.

Damn, there's never a hot assassin with a killer smile around when you need one.

i am a Little, only 5'4", but i skeet much taller

you don't have to like me, but I'm still gonna remind you to drink some water and take any meds you need to take

Hear me out, negative life coaching for arrogant rich people.

I want to trust science, but I also want to believe that they're wrong and the sun is actually going to explode tomorrow.

Unambiguously love the guy who works at the deli near my office. Last summer I told him I was going to the beach one weekend and he immediately responded with "shirt's off party time!" Today I didn't order a grilled cheese like usual and he seemed deeply upset. I think we're best friends.

Does anyone know what time my demographic come online? I don't want to waste anymore absolute bangers on an empty room. I could just do an open mic for that.

A shamed Samurai always goes with his gut.

She’s a 10 but it takes her two hours to watch a 30 minute show