Where does the dishwasher salt actually go? You pour it into a flooded portal so doesn't it just dissolve? It's the base of the machine as well so what shape is the receptacle that it ends up in? I'm starting to believe in the Big-Salt theory.

You forgot to mention that the salt-hole is in the most inaccessible part of the dishwasher, necessitating an uncomfortable degree of kneeling and leaning. Plus - the Rinse-Aid bit is equally as baffling.

Another vote for Dolph from me. Encountered him in a half-empty bar by Putney Bridge one early Saturday evening around 2000. Just minding his own business but happy to engage with anyone bold enough to ask if he was actually who we thought he was before returning to his fish and chips.