kalansphantomff.bsky.social
Pfp by Inkirtis. A little insane, a little chaotic, the horny half of Hingeless and Horny. 2.3 Million words and counting of gay pirates on A03 https://archiveofourown.org/users/KalansPhantom/works
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Ed watches until he has to go back on stage, dragging the soft sounds of Stede's familiar accent and the sight of sleeping kittens around him. It's not Blackbeard, it's not edgy, it's something that he clings to.
Because Ed...Ed is drowning. Not in water, but in Blackbeard. Expectations.
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Maybe that's why Ed had gravitated to the guy's videos. He was kind. He always had nice things to say, was always patient and gentle with his kittens, explained what he was doing.
Fuck, Ed had spent one night just listening to him read Pinocchio to a litter of kittens. Who did that? Only maniacs.
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"Right, well, here we go Marble, we'll try again later." Stede said as Ed watched the large hands lowering the kitten into the incubator. "Sometimes it takes a little time for them to accept the bottle, but it's alright, all beans grow differently."
"Some not at all." Ed responded to the screen.
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He didn't even fucking create, not really, he modified and changed things. He didn't compose beautiful things. Ed wanted to scoff at the idea of anything he created as beautiful. No, he was a caricature of a human, a vampire viking clown trotting around for the masses.
Not like the Gentleman.
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He often wondered when he'd stopped even looking for happiness. Maybe after Jack? Or Sam? Or Anne? Maybe when he realized every god damn relationship he touched crashed and burned?
Or maybe it was when he'd realized the only reason people gave a damn about Blackbeard was the legend and mystery.
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He knew he'd have to go back out on stage, dragon the mask, the leather, the fucking endlessness of being Blackbeard. He knew he'd hate himself for it. He'd been hating himself for a while.
Because Ed was starting to realize it had been a long damn time since he'd felt anything besides numb.
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He spent twenty straight minutes watching the Furry Gentleman, Stede, try and get the kitten to accept the bottle with increasingly less success. He never got angry, never seemed frustrated, he laughed and chattered, joked with the camera.
Ed loved every second, hiding a smile and giggling.
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"As you can see, today we have a baked bean." Stede announced brightly and shifted the view to an incubator with an orange and black kitten toddling about. "We've been working on the bottle and today she's ready to show off!"
Ed hid a smile in his shirt, seeing the little triangle tail waddle.
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The Furry Gentleman was his favorite channel, well, kinda his favorite fucking person, even if the name had made him think the guy would pop in wearing a fur suit.
He called kittens 'beans' and posted up videos of tiny bottle babies growing up, had live feed cameras, the works.
Ed loved it.
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Messaged you so as not to spoiler things, but it's not heavy
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It didn't take him l long to bring up YouTube and his favorite channel, pausing only to drink more water. He smiled the moment he saw the little uni-kitty logo bounce across the screen.
"Hey all!" A kiwi-accented voice chirped up. "I hope you're ready, we've got a new crop of beans in today!"
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Ed didn't have a lot of hobbies--read none--and he didn't exactly have friends that weren't employees. The only thing that he did have that made him feel remotely relaxed was a little embarrassing.
He fucking loved kitten videos.
It didn't fit the Blackbeard image, but it did fit Edward Teach.
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The leather jacket was tossed off and he ignored the distant sounds of Coachella as he downed a bottle of water. He'd go back out, he always did, even when he was so tired he wanted to cry.
Even when he felt like one more blast of fake smoke might choke him.
He just needed to calm down.
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Larger than life, that's what they said, looming above a concert behind his gear revving the crowd up. He didn't create, he performed, the same way a caged animal did. Izzy might as well get a fucking clicker and a bag of treats to reward him when he did a good job.
"Fuck's sake." He sighed.
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Ten years ago being Blackbeard had seemed like a good idea. A faceless DJ, nothing mattered except the sound of the music, the beat of it. The way he mixed and patterned songs. Now? Now it was smoke and fucking mirrors with a monstrous mask with glowing red eyes and a smoke-like beard.
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"Don't get comfy, you've got a set with Gaga." Izzy snapped as Ed sank onto a couch and peeled the leather jacket off followed by the black gloves.
"Fuck off, I'm roasting." Ed snapped and dug around for a cold water.
"You've got forty minutes." Izzy picked up the mask. "I'll get this cleaned."
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He hated Coachella, this year more than most given that Izzy had talked him into putting on a show. He was getting too old to do the high energy shows he had used to do, his knee hurt and his hair was plastered to his face. Not that it mattered, the crowd got "Blackbeard" and Izzy got his way.
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Edward Teach pushed into the green room with relief, sweat in his eyes and so hot that he felt as though he might pass out. His fingers scrambled for the fucking mask, the last of the smoke effect spilling into the room as he unsnapped the hooks.
"Oh thank fuck." He gasped in fresh air greedily.
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THIS FIC, oh my god, I've never been so wrecked by writing.
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I don't know what you're talking about!
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I have PLANS, Jenn, SUCH plans here. Adorable squeaky newborn kitten plans.
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Update, I am now pantsless and eating pizza. I have evolved.
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They went back to the rescue and were adopted out, so are now in new homes. :) The heartbreak and happiness of fostering, we only get them for a short time.
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Right? I'm ashamed of past me. :(
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Next chapter you'll be good to hop into ;)
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I love Ed's comfy breakup outfit
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Yes, we all discussed it
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Oh youre gonna LOVE Tarte Tatin then. Alpha ed and stede
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Omega Stede my beloved <3 Winter Heat is hands down the hottest omegaverse I've written.
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Once you go omegaverse you never go back (or whatever the saying goes ðŸ¤)
Today's #ofmdfic rec is the painfully delicious ✨Poison✨ by @kalansphantomff.bsky.social it hurts sooo well! It's an angsty, smutty fic. Omega Ed and Stede.
AO3🔗 archiveofourown.org/works/66333193
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If youre feeling up for a big one, Unchained Melody is the way to go. (Omega Ed and Alpha Stede) Gilded Cage is just wrapping up (alpha Ed and omega stede)
Winterheat if all you want is some SPICE with a touch of angst
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I mean, eventually 🤣🤣
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Ohhh it's so close, can you taste it?