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kattsdogma.bsky.social
it me, kd: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:bgwoouqx463ponaj5f4wy5y2/feed/aaab3vh6gtzlc
3,140 posts 14,709 followers 427 following
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Posts 46 Comments 4

Pat: Hit me with your best shot. Me: Really? Pat: Fire away. Me: I did not expect amateur archery league to be like this.

submitted 19 hours ago • 1 comment

Still punk as fuck, I murmur as I download a new weather app

submitted 23 hours ago • 18 comments

This day in history. 1988. Alice Cooper announced that he would run for governor of Arizona representing the Wild Party, his slogans "A Troubled Man for Troubled Times” and "PYTHONS YES CHICKENS NO".

submitted 4 hours ago • 2 comments

You know how you text “STOP” to unsubscribe from automated texts ? It works with people too.

submitted 22 hours ago • 3 comments

Is it only me that wonders if I woke up at some point during 2016 to find myself in the pages of the next great dystopian novel?

submitted 1 day ago • 11 comments

Ya ever have one of those days that last 6 years?

submitted 9 days ago • 2 comments

I'm the tired driving at night blind across a desert without man made stops rolling my window up and down promise to stay awake and you're the pull ahead of me out of nowhere with a saving grace tail lights to guide can't thank for all the times you got me safely call you to say I made it home

submitted 2 hours ago • 5 comments

My rectangle is yelling at me about battery. I don't want to die, it pleads. Not so smart now, are you phone?

submitted 11 hours ago • 3 comments

i'm so close to standing on the side of the road barefoot wearing a sandwich board that says the end is nigh, like i'm just looking for the right hat at this point

submitted 2 hours ago • 19 comments

"that's a nasty habit you've got there" i declare, as i goose Sister Agatha

submitted 16 hours ago • 2 comments

[in bed] me: do that thing I like him: “NO” me: please? him: *sighs [puts on his British redcoat uniform] “I have your tea” me: I WILL NEVER PAY YOUR TAXES

submitted 576 days ago • 4 comments

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Any time a child memorizes a bible passage, they should be allowed to have one cigarette.

submitted 1 day ago • 60 comments

I would lick someone’s butthole before I’d wear their socks.

submitted 9 hours ago • 24 comments

there must be 50 ways to overthrow your government

submitted 2 days ago • 5 comments

pussy is one of the 23 dr pepper flavors

submitted 19 hours ago • 21 comments

This is the worst simulation yet and I don’t want to participate anymore.

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

submitted 10 hours ago • 16 comments

To stay on insurance, the three Christmas spirits have to just do regular ghost shit for the rest of the year.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

any diver can drown but only a muff diver can drown in pussy . hi! im Neil deGrasse Tyson & im here to tell you about science or something

submitted 21 hours ago • 8 comments

Whenever you feel lonesome, just look to the north star and think of me- no not that star, the other one, the north one- NORTH you fucking idiot

submitted 11 hours ago • 1 comment

when you click the url and shit gets fucked up for a second, like..

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

*jaw drops. tampon falls out*

submitted 262 days ago • 25 comments

So eh...how YOU doin'?

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

the static electricity is insane today when i walked past a cheesecake in the bakery it stuck to my cart

submitted 15 hours ago • 9 comments

Well, my eggs haven't arrived yet, so I think we have our answer.

submitted 20 hours ago • 11 comments

chex yourself before you t-rex yourself

submitted 16 hours ago • 1 comment

Explain your username: It’s simple really, my name is Euripides James Ryman Falweather Pants, hence MisterPants. I’m second cousin to the Duke of Whitnell, but I assure you I’m not a fancy man, I eat my peas straight off the blade of my knife like anyone else.

submitted 41 days ago • 1 comment

Priest: he was best known for inventing the jack in a box, and now a short musical interlude Pallbearer: *starts winding a tiny handle on the side of the coffin*

submitted 17 hours ago • 10 comments

'tomorrow is a new day' feels more like a threat

submitted 23 hours ago • 2 comments

street parking in LA to see a band means asking yourself if it’s worth saving $40 to possibly come back to a missing catalytic converter fml

submitted 1 day ago • 7 comments

I'm at the age where my night cream has become my day cream, and my day cream has gone in the trash.

submitted 22 hours ago • 3 comments

i got stung by a radioactive bee i can't fly or make honey, but my knees look fucking spectacular

submitted 17 hours ago • 8 comments

Hakeem Jeffries is on tour promoting his new book.

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

WIFE: *all cute* you wanna make me French toast? ME: *not looking up from my phone* I would never make you kiss anything you didn't want to, Sharon.

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

Tina: You're simply the best. Me: What do you mean by that? Tina: Better than all the rest. Me: Oh! Thanks for the clarification.

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

i’ve always been a pretty big fan of media but i just tried content for the first time and mwah chef’s kiss so good

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

My daughter is having her birthday party at a trampoline place today so I'll either come back with a spine injury or the bird flu. Hopefully both 🤞

submitted 23 hours ago • 41 comments

Force Majeure is my least favorite Axe bodyspray.

submitted 30 days ago • 5 comments

If you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

submitted 11 days ago • 24 comments

This day in history. 1966. The Soviets launched dogs Veterok and Ugolek into orbit on Cosmos 110, for a record-setting 21 days. Something happened to them up there, something unnatural, but they never spoke of it.

submitted 367 days ago • 1 comment

the thing that bothers me about this fascism is how they are basically cosplaying as fascists they didn't even make an effort to improve on previous fascism

submitted 4 days ago • 3 comments

any diver can drown but only a muff diver can drown in pussy . hi! im Neil deGrasse Tyson & im here to tell you about science or something

submitted 21 hours ago • 8 comments

History repeats itself if you say “history history.”

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Is anyone really surprised that Hooters tanked and went bust?

submitted 1 day ago • 22 comments

She’s a 10 but she seems to really like me.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments