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mariana057.bsky.social
I’m not a comedian, but I joke a lot. I steal the good jokes. Bad jokes are mine. Resist. NO DMS.
1,330 posts 108,731 followers 15,081 following
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Posts 39 Comments 11

Trying to break up with an optician, but every time I say I can't see you anymore, she moves an inch closer and says "how about now?"

submitted 3 hours ago • 5 comments

Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend... then she reminded me that we're married and live together so I'd have to see them every day.

submitted 5 hours ago • 5 comments

I accidentally wore a red shirt to target… Long story short, I’m covering for Kathy next weekend....

submitted 19 hours ago • 18 comments

Did you hear about the woman who wanted to break up with a farmer? She wrote him a Deere John letter…

submitted 1 day ago • 46 comments

Which wine pairs best with finding out my in-laws are staying a day longer than I thought??

submitted 23 hours ago • 146 comments

I accidentally wore a red shirt to target… Long story short, I’m covering for Kathy next weekend....

submitted 19 hours ago • 18 comments

Which wine pairs best with finding out my in-laws are staying a day longer than I thought??

submitted 23 hours ago • 146 comments

Dropping Latin phrases into conversations just to sound smart, is definitely my modus operandi.

submitted 1 day ago • 40 comments

Did you hear about the woman who wanted to break up with a farmer? She wrote him a Deere John letter…

submitted 1 day ago • 46 comments

AMEN

submitted 1 day ago • 806 comments

Dropping Latin phrases into conversations just to sound smart, is definitely my modus operandi.

submitted 1 day ago • 40 comments

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, "I can't pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!"

submitted 2 days ago • 18 comments

What owl?

submitted 3 days ago • 409 comments

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, "I can't pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!"

submitted 2 days ago • 18 comments

I want to be a millionaire just like my dad. He wanted to be a millionaire as well.

submitted 3 days ago • 42 comments

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

submitted 3 days ago • 59 comments

I want to be a millionaire just like my dad. He wanted to be a millionaire as well.

submitted 3 days ago • 42 comments

As of today, I am officially a 16-year cancer survivor! 💖

submitted 3 days ago • 438 comments

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

submitted 3 days ago • 59 comments

Whatever I’m doing, I think of dad looking down on me. He’s not dead, he’s just very condescending…

submitted 4 days ago • 24 comments

I’m singing along to a rock song while driving with my dad. Dad: You don’t have the voice for this, you should sing tenor. Me: Really, you think so? Dad: Yes, tenor fifteen miles from where I can hear you.

submitted 3 days ago • 83 comments

This is funny because I am a tennis player

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

I’m singing along to a rock song while driving with my dad. Dad: You don’t have the voice for this, you should sing tenor. Me: Really, you think so? Dad: Yes, tenor fifteen miles from where I can hear you.

submitted 3 days ago • 83 comments

Whatever I’m doing, I think of dad looking down on me. He’s not dead, he’s just very condescending…

submitted 4 days ago • 24 comments

My wife is fed up with my constant dad jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?" Wife: "Whatever means necessary." Me: "No it doesn't."

submitted 4 days ago • 58 comments

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang just the vowels in her name… It would be the lyrics to Old McDonald's Farm.

submitted 5 days ago • 48 comments

My wife is fed up with my constant dad jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?" Wife: "Whatever means necessary." Me: "No it doesn't."

submitted 4 days ago • 58 comments

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang just the vowels in her name… It would be the lyrics to Old McDonald's Farm.

submitted 5 days ago • 48 comments

The fact that Head and Shoulders has not made a bodywash called Knees and Toes, really bothers me.

submitted 5 days ago • 60 comments

My Wife says I can be an idiot sometimes. It’s nice of her to give me permission.

submitted 6 days ago • 31 comments

The fact that Head and Shoulders has not made a bodywash called Knees and Toes, really bothers me.

submitted 5 days ago • 60 comments

FYI : My Substack is not political…unless politics changed the course of a recipe… it’s all about food, mostly French food, authentic French food and the fascinating history behind it. Please subscribe and read it if you’re curious about non-political me. jamieschler.substack.com

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Okay, this is so weird. I came across this June 3, 1933 issue of a French satirical magazine at our local flea market and I was shockingly struck by how much the guy licking Hitler’s boots looks like…

submitted 6 days ago • 84 comments

My Wife says I can be an idiot sometimes. It’s nice of her to give me permission.

submitted 6 days ago • 31 comments

*Dad walks into strip club* Dad: "Twerking hard or hardly twerking?"

submitted 6 days ago • 33 comments

Ate an edible last night and cooked a pizza at 15 degrees for 400 minutes.

submitted 7 days ago • 70 comments

*Dad walks into strip club* Dad: "Twerking hard or hardly twerking?"

submitted 6 days ago • 33 comments

Ate an edible last night and cooked a pizza at 15 degrees for 400 minutes.

submitted 7 days ago • 70 comments

If you see someone wearing camo, be sure to walk right into them so they know it's working.

submitted 7 days ago • 38 comments