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mattgoldich.bsky.social
I hoped it would never come to this
207 posts 483 followers 114 following
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Posts 44 Comments 6

My 10-year-old called me an idiot and pointed his club at me playing mini golf today. I said "if you do that one more time you'll sit out a hole." He replied "if I do that my score will be lower"

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

“I Bought This Before Elon Went Crazy”

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

If the crowd in OKC thought the end of that game was shocking wait until they check Twitter

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Imagine finding out your college degree isn’t valid and your only employment option is to work for DOGE.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

I’ll take them wherever I can get them. @robbyslowik.bsky.social

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

Me and my friend @robbyslowik.bsky.social listened to a full episode of the Joe Rogan Experience and lived to tell the tale. Check it out! youtu.be/BlVjqMP01EM?...

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

If you thought you felt old when the classic rock station started playing Soundgarden and Green Day wait until you find out the “classic hits” station now plays Nelly and 2Pac

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

You’re in the window seat on a plane and you desperately have to pee. Can’t wait. Two strangers are sleeping next to you. Do you: A) wake them both up B) try to scamper over them on the armrests without kicking them or smacking your head on the overhead

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

Me and my friend @robbyslowik.bsky.social listened to a full episode of the Joe Rogan Experience and lived to tell the tale. Check it out! youtu.be/BlVjqMP01EM?...

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

I’ll take them wherever I can get them. @robbyslowik.bsky.social

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

“I went to a pizzeria, I ordered a slice of pizza, the guy gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the guy gave me the "donate it to charity" slice. I would like to exchange this for the "keep it!"”

submitted 16 days ago • 1 comment

GRAB YOUR SMELLING SALTS WE’RE LISTENING TO JOE ROGAN @robbyslowik.bsky.social

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

GRAB YOUR SMELLING SALTS WE’RE LISTENING TO JOE ROGAN @robbyslowik.bsky.social

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

Eagles are a team on emission

submitted 17 days ago • 1 comment

Seems like a missed opportunity not to include “YO MAMA”

submitted 17 days ago • 1 comment

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

Somehow I manage. #JRERE

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

I’ll be in LA next week doing stand-up and eating gas station parking lot tacos. Tuesday May 27 The Lab @ The Hollywood Improv - 7:30pm Wednesday May 28 Better Half @ Bar Bandini 8pm Thursday May 29 Peacock Show @ Club Tee Gee 8pm

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

Coming soon… a new podcast where me and a guest listen to a full 3 hour episode of JRE and (hopefully) live to tell the tale… @robbyslowik.bsky.social

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

Somehow I manage. #JRERE

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

I’ll be in LA next week doing stand-up and eating gas station parking lot tacos. Tuesday May 27 The Lab @ The Hollywood Improv - 7:30pm Wednesday May 28 Better Half @ Bar Bandini 8pm Thursday May 29 Peacock Show @ Club Tee Gee 8pm

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

Coming soon… a new podcast where me and a guest listen to a full 3 hour episode of JRE and (hopefully) live to tell the tale… @robbyslowik.bsky.social

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

If I’m Matt Cain I’m coming back to MLB for one start just to slay Mick Abel

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

Crazy to have a stand-up clip about Steely Dan go viral and watch the commenters argue whether Jewish people are white

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

Which one will the Rockies sign first?

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

I bet most of the time they just sit around looking at their phones

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

Guess I have to come up with a new name for my signature wrestling move.

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

If you think that’s bad, for Trump’s second term they’re making him get around in a $400 billion Qatari jet

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

The Dallas Mavericks just traded Cooper Flagg to the Lakers for Bronny James and a 2nd rounder

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

All this time we thought we were watching Conclave we were actually watching Ted Lasso

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

Remember, black smoke coming from the Sistine Chapel means the Sistine Chapel is on fire

submitted 31 days ago • 1 comment

I know it’s impossible to compare NBA eras, but for me, nothing will top the period when players were murdering their drivers and disappearing at sea

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

If their cholesterol goes over 200 they explode

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

Just tried to come up with the phrase “kid gloves” and the best I could do was “dog fingers”

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

I had a stand-up joke about Steely Dan become my most viral clip ever on Instagram and TikTok so if anyone needs me I’ll be writing Doobie Brothers jokes

submitted 37 days ago • 4 comments

The world is a hellscape but at least David Rasche gives an all-time comedic performance in Dying For Sex

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

In addition to Jalen Hurts, I just want to commend the Dallas Cowboys, who have not gone to the White House once in 30 years

submitted 40 days ago • 2 comments

I bet it’s gonna be just like that movie, Anora

submitted 40 days ago • 1 comment

Honestly impressed by my wife, who went to Chicago for a work trip, promised my kids she’d bring back deep dish pizza, then ordered delivery from the Upper West Side Pizzeria Uno upon her return

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

Shedeur Sanders interviewing with NFL teams

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments

There’s been a run on 90s alt rock goddesses in the NFL Draft

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments

You’re sliding into her DM’s, I’m sliding into the bottom half of the second round of the NFL Draft

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments

Algorithm got me again

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments

watching the NFL draft and cheering when the guys catch the ball in the highlight package

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments