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mattycef.bsky.social
You're like, pretty great. Twin Cities Tune Slinger https://linktr.ee/mattycef
39 posts 185 followers 141 following
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I just hope that all these appointees and nominees are just absolutely miserable in these jobs that are no where near what these clowns are known for

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

"It's just Reacher" I say stoically to my wife as I struggle to reach the "REACH ME" sign taped to my back

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

DOGE is like if Fyre Festival was a government agency.

submitted 1 day ago • 296 comments

"The Trump administration is set to cut the staffing for [insert Federal agency] by nearly 97%. Experts warn that this could yield pretty fucked up results"

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

They are obsessed with decorum and civility no matter the cost

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Actually, statistically, only 2% of marriages end in divorce. That figure is just artificially inflated to the 50% we're all familiar with because of how divorced elon musk is

submitted 3 days ago • 8 comments

[threatening a baby] here comes the airplane

submitted 4 days ago • 135 comments

Feels like a good year to not pay taxes. By all means keep gutting federal services, though

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

I was saying "boo-us"

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

My dad died from Saturday Night Fever you son of a bitch

submitted 9 days ago • 7 comments

I rode the back of the bus. I buried Dr. King. You want me to participate in your little hate-a-thon against some other group? Kindly kiss my black ass.

submitted 10 days ago • 95 comments

‘You Can’t Let This Happen,’ Says Fundraising Email From Sitting U.S. Congressperson

submitted 11 days ago • 309 comments

LAWYER: where were you on the night of the murder ME: in the desert LAWYER: and who were you with ME: a horse LAWYER: and what is the name of this horse HORSE: (from back of courtroom) *does throat cut motion* ME: uhhh he didn’t have one

submitted 13 days ago • 25 comments

a diarrhea medication called “peace of ass”

submitted 16 days ago • 34 comments

Neutral Milk Hotel meets Reverse Gravy VRBO

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Susan Collins: these cuts are going to do terrible things for science in America RFK Jr eating a live panda: no they won’t Susan Collins: alright sounds good

submitted 13 days ago • 76 comments

Growing up, we were so poor we could only afford Connect 3

submitted 584 days ago • 2 comments

(at self checkout) me: did you find everything ok? me: yes thank you

submitted 16 days ago • 5 comments

don’t let people off easy by allowing them the use of acronyms they don’t understand make them say diversity, equity and inclusion make them say lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer make them actually say what they think they’re talking about

submitted 14 days ago • 5 comments

If I was a dairy farmer, every night I would start the dinner conversation by saying ‘In udder news’. My family would never tire of this and would not plot to murder me in my sleep.

submitted 13 days ago • 4 comments

me: you dim sum, you lose some waiter (in chinese to other waiter): poison this man

submitted 68 days ago • 117 comments

More like Mugo Hars goteem

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

funniest highlights of the philly police scanner, a thread

submitted 14 days ago • 256 comments

Looking forward to Rep Miller burning in hell, hopefully sooner rather than later

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

Pandemics do not begin with official announcements. They start with quiet deletions, missing reports, and assurances that there is "no cause for concern." Pay attention.

submitted 17 days ago • 291 comments

jesus christ just tell us if it’s maybelline

submitted 16 days ago • 75 comments

[jehovah appears] jehovah's witness: oh hell yeah

submitted 16 days ago • 3 comments

submitted 17 days ago • 98 comments

we are the daughters of the mambos they couldn’t enumerate

submitted 19 days ago • 13 comments

(me watching burglars break all the windows and climb into my house) “Just give it time. They might cut their hand on the glass.”

submitted 20 days ago • 131 comments

how come no one calls him fElon like it's right there lmao

submitted 20 days ago • 36 comments

Elon Musk Offers Self $10 Billion Federal Buyout theonion.com/elon-mu...

submitted 20 days ago • 140 comments

The first Senators to actually do anything about the Trump admin

submitted 22 days ago • 215 comments

DEATH ROW HACK: For your last meal, request Olive Garden breadsticks

submitted 24 days ago • 18 comments

Making a Cheesy Gordita Crunch the way my abuelita used to. (We work at the same Taco Bell).

submitted 23 days ago • 53 comments

I must not be wording this right. Lemme try again. There is only one (1) office (not even an institute) at the NIH dedicated to women’s health research. That office is now being dismantled, with only a bland landing page remaining on their website. This is a five-alarm fire! orwh.od.nih.gov

submitted 23 days ago • 26 comments

This is my post-baby body (I used to be a baby)

submitted 48 days ago • 1 comment

My dad died doing the Mambo No. 5 you son of a bitch

submitted 24 days ago • 14 comments

BOSS: we need a name for this sandwich restaurant MARKETING: jimmy restrooms BOSS: what no MARKETING: jimmy lavatories BOSS: absolutely not MARKETING: jimmy toilets BOSS: come on now MARKETING: jimmy johns BOSS: oh i love it

submitted 24 days ago • 67 comments