Profile avatar
melvynbrooks.bsky.social
So, you're an accountant? Yes, Sir, I am, Sir. Then account for yourself!
19 posts 19 followers 77 following
Prolific Poster
Posts 42 Comments 8

Scanned my loyalty card under the gaze of the self service security camera. The price?

submitted 8 days ago • 2 comments

My kids treat this house like a bloody hotel. Yet ANOTHER Gideon Bible in my bedside drawer this morning.

submitted 8 days ago • 22 comments

A thread on The Other Place about the best pen reminded me of this sketch. youtu.be/iqda3udteL0?... The music in the bit with the clock is one of the 'other bits' of the full News at Ten theme

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

What an incredibly unsettling slogan.

submitted 8 days ago • 109 comments

Time to cook breakfast

submitted 7 days ago • 9 comments

I take off my blindfold. Before me is a gory tableau of death and destruction, bodies strewn across the landscape. The piñata is unscathed.

submitted 639 days ago • 17 comments

Sir, do you realise you were speeding? - Yes, I have a concert to catch I'm going to have to give you a ticket - No thanks, I have one already

submitted 10 days ago • 1 comment

I was privileged to know Gene Hackman because he played tennis with another Gene—Gene Wilder. And that Gene told him about a little role called The Blind Hermit in our movie YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN…

submitted 10 days ago • 302 comments

Ok, we need a new James Bond AND a new Archbishop of Canterbury, and pretty soon it'll be time for another new Willy Wonka and a new Doctor Who. We need to economise. They should all be amalgamated into a single new character called Archdoctor Bondwonka.

submitted 15 days ago • 202 comments

Michael Young coined the phrase "meritocracy" as satire, and then he fathered Toby Young in case people didn't get the joke.

submitted 15 days ago • 7 comments

If you’re a Frasier fan, take a few minutes out to read this, you won’t regret it: open.substack.com/pub/archerpa...

submitted 15 days ago • 25 comments

Cerne Mattress Giant. East Ayrshire

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

Proctology is located in A55

submitted 24 days ago • 27 comments

I looked up the Iron Maiden mascot because of reasons and this joke absolutely ended me

submitted 358 days ago • 0 comments

crying laughing at how small this ocean menace really is. It's like finding out a polar bear is a foot tall.

submitted 24 days ago • 36 comments

Trains cancelled and delayed all the way from King’s Cross. The sheer number of dejected young men on crowded railway platforms, holding bunches of red roses, is truly something to behold…

submitted 23 days ago • 7 comments

J D Vance. Eyes of Paul Hollywood, beard of Noel Edmonds, intellectual heft of Mr Blobby.

submitted 23 days ago • 16 comments

You know what, Roald? I think it's implied, and you can't really do that in a children's book. Let's make the F for Friendly instead.

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

All work and no play would've saved Lincoln

submitted 23 days ago • 1 comment

I still think quite a lot about David Scarboro, the original Mark Fowler from EastEnders, hounded to suicide by the tabloids after he was written out of the show as the character wasn't working. They reported his decline with glee simply because attacking the BBC sold papers.

submitted 23 days ago • 9 comments

Please sign my petition for the British Government to unilaterally rename the USA to The British Territory of South Canada. petition.parliament.uk/petitions/71...

submitted 22 days ago • 42 comments

"You're not my surreal Dad!"

submitted 23 days ago • 35 comments

submitted 36 days ago • 31 comments

Squelch! Squish! Squash! Sorry. I just stood on a mat of pears.

submitted 37 days ago • 1 comment

I don't like him either, but that does seem overly harsh

submitted 37 days ago • 1 comment

“Because I have common sense”

submitted 38 days ago • 10 comments

The President of the United States of America... Talking about helicopters.

submitted 38 days ago • 419 comments

Friend: You use contractions too much. Me: I'm who I'm.

submitted 38 days ago • 4 comments

Watching Brian and Maggie. I'd completely forgotten that Little & Large were in the Cabinet in 1981.

submitted 38 days ago • 12 comments

Matthew 19:26

submitted 57 days ago • 18 comments

Selby just came up in a discussion, always reminds me of this gem.

submitted 87 days ago • 9 comments

Here's a confusing episode of Air Crash Investigations in 10 years time. The first half of the program is about the NTSB under the orders of Trump investigating Warwick Davis, Adam Hills and Elton John www.irishstar.com/news/us-news...

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

A letter from the new issue (Viz 343) which is in the shops today. Sorry no refunds. shop.viz.co.uk/viz343bs

submitted 38 days ago • 16 comments

DeepSeek jailbreak

submitted 40 days ago • 24 comments

I wonder if anyone in Africa is walking round smelling of Lynx Middlesbrough.

submitted 41 days ago • 15 comments

"...and your specialist subject?" "When is bins"

submitted 41 days ago • 4 comments

Artist: plankton https://b3ta.com/board/11415002 From the 'Kids TV in History' challenge https://b3ta.com/challenge/kidstvinhistory/popular/ #KidsTVInHistory

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

I see Andrex are chiding people for not wanting to use public toilets. Just bring your own paper. What they don't mention is that, if you can even find one, you will need to bring your own seat, door lock, and a pressure washer to clean the piss and shit off every surface.

submitted 41 days ago • 4 comments

So a Chinese AI company copied what US AI companies are doing but did it cheaper? I just can’t imagine how that must feel. * laughs in creative person embracing karma *

submitted 41 days ago • 6 comments

Man outside Victoria Station: Oh yes, I know him well. I worked with him for many years. His colleague: Would you recommend it? Man: No.

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 55 days ago • 12 comments

21 January 1924. The death of Vladimir Lenin. The birth of Benny Hill.

submitted 47 days ago • 11 comments