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noobenheim.bsky.social
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If you have a kitten who has never been given canned food or seen it happen, it still goes wild when it hears the sound of a can opener. This indicates that deep in the evolutionary past, cats hunted to extinction some type of robot containing fish

We finally fixed illegal immigration (nobody wants to come here anymore)

[threatening a baby] here comes the airplane

Question from the 8 year old: Did Thanos have a 50% chance of snapping himself?

her: I'm coming over, you better not be reticulating splines me:

Jim Davis thinks we’re all stupid. Garfield first appeared in 1978. The normal lifespan of a cat is 13-20 years. He’s replaced Garfield, probably multiple times.

It is crazy to me that there is a character named Optimus Primal, who is like Optimus Prime but a GORILLA, and we haven’t carved him into Mount Rushmore over top of those old dickheads.

waking up every morning be like ...

😂

From the Twitter archives.