Profile avatar
oshellwott.bsky.social
Making Good Jokes Since 2026
387 posts 253 followers 1,091 following
Prolific Poster
Posts 45 Comments 4

“do something!!” first of all, I didn’t run for congress to “do stuff.” I did it because I like seeing my name on signs

submitted 18 hours ago • 23 comments

picked up my meds and the pharmacist told me he applied the “make-a-wish discount”. does he know something i don’t

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

nine eleven was not an “inside job” you can literally see the sky in the background of the video footage

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Love being unpredictable when it comes to wanting my receipt.

submitted 6 days ago • 8 comments

punishing my influencer kid by putting them on antivirals

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

driving through the town i grew up in rn im going to be SICK

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

i cry out as he reaches for the doorknob, my voice catches in my throat, “don’t do this to me!! what about everything we’ve had together?” tony soprano turns back and looks me in the eye. with a stoic expression on his face, he says softly, “fuhgeddaboudit,” and the door closes behind him.

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

so apparently it’s NOT the ultimate act of love to sacrifice your only begotten son’s life to atone for someone’s sins. my wife is PISSED #valentinesfail

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

i cry out as he reaches for the doorknob, my voice catches in my throat, “don’t do this to me!! what about everything we’ve had together?” tony soprano turns back and looks me in the eye. with a stoic expression on his face, he says softly, “fuhgeddaboudit,” and the door closes behind him.

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

“when life gives you lemons” when has that ever happened? what the fuck are you talking about

submitted 20 days ago • 25 comments

Meguron, a cherry-blossom fairy with loveheart ears, is the mascot of Tokyo’s Meguro Ward.

submitted 19 days ago • 3 comments

guy in 1290 BC: “oh yeah. because GOD FORBID i covet my neighbors wife right??” moses coming down from the mountain: “guys, i have bad news.”

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

lowkey i hate it when my government gets overthrown by fascistic oligarchs. who can relate! #mondays

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

(to the tune of This Is How We Do It) thank you for your service

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

Bullying works

submitted 21 days ago • 10 comments

if i were a musician attending the grammy awards i'd boo every single other musician. gotta drag down the competition however you can. i'd probably make an exception for the in memoriam segment since it's illegal to listen to musicians who have died

submitted 22 days ago • 33 comments

explaining to grandma that she wont be getting her dialysis anymore bc a 20 yr old decided the program that pays for it was “cucked”

submitted 21 days ago • 24 comments

if I understand American politics correctly, progressivism is something that requires 60 senate votes to work, while national conservatism doesn’t require any votes at all

submitted 21 days ago • 744 comments

it is darkly funny to me that twitter ended up being real life after all

submitted 22 days ago • 76 comments

but as for me and my mouse, we will serve the lord

submitted 22 days ago • 1 comment

oh my god punxsutawney phil has a gun!!

submitted 22 days ago • 3 comments

They're replacing every air traffic controller with ChatGPT and I for one couldn't be more optimistic. It's doomerist to think anything bad will ever happen

submitted 25 days ago • 25 comments

lmfao

submitted 25 days ago • 443 comments

If immigrants are “free loaders” why is ICE in work places?

submitted 26 days ago • 4 comments

it’s wild how quickly all of society breaks down when the people in charge ruin everything intentionally

submitted 25 days ago • 43 comments

I’m sorry but this situation is beyond hamburger help

submitted 26 days ago • 3 comments

Man some days you just want to build a cabin and just live off the land. And also the cabin has WiFi and a PS5.

submitted 27 days ago • 130 comments

when i’m bored in class i practice writing “obamna” and “SODA!!!!” in cursive at the top of my notes

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

(Jigsaw voice) You posted something mean about me online. Delete it in five minutes or I'll kill myself

submitted 27 days ago • 5 comments

It is easier to bring down the price of a single egg. The price of eggs will naturally follow

submitted 27 days ago • 22 comments

when someone unfollows you the app should make the DOORSLAM.WAV from aol instant messenger

submitted 26 days ago • 116 comments

Sure, Medicaid being down *seems* bad, but wait until later today when they roll out MediCoin, the Blockchain based healthcare solution!™️

submitted 27 days ago • 11 comments

A professor was lecturing to his English class: “In English, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, a double negative is still a negative. However, there's no language where in a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

submitted 27 days ago • 81 comments

this is our opposition party dawg we’re doomed

submitted 27 days ago • 96 comments

If you're struggling financially due to government fuckery or for any reason really and you need infant formula talk to your pediatrician we can hook you up and don't like to ask questions.

submitted 27 days ago • 229 comments

I sometimes thinking about this Canon ad with Godzilla at a copy machine when I’m feeling sad

submitted 27 days ago • 117 comments

you know shit is bad when i’m Posting again

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

is it like a legal requirement that you have to be a complete dick to be the white house press secretary lol why is it like this in every administration

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

are we dead. is this hell.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

consolation for the Super Bowl losing team: don't have to go to WH

submitted 29 days ago • 415 comments

my job accidentally scheduled me from 2 a.m. to 4 p.m. instead of 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. should i tell them they made a mistake or drive to work at 2 a.m. and clock in to get the extra hours

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

the part of my brain that keeps trying to explain how elon magically might not have been doing the nazi salute is the same part of my brain that is too terrified to believe it’s real

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

my favorite post of the year so far

submitted 36 days ago • 354 comments

nazi salute on day one doesn't seem good

submitted 35 days ago • 4 comments

the dissonance of Dems cannot be better summarized that Biden defensively pardoning his own family on the same day he said "welcome home" to Trump

submitted 35 days ago • 12 comments