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sicburns2.bsky.social
Either drunken Scottish poet or bored American Midwesterner, U-pick. Do these skeets make my brain look fat?
14,656 posts 3,169 followers 1,254 following
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Posts 19 Comments 31

I believe all bathrooms should be gender neutral. Also believe that any able-bodied adult using the one ADA stall when others are available deserves a swirly in the shittiest toilet in the room. — parent of a disabled adult

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

I’m rather disappointed that these pigeons we voted to confirm are shitting all over everything

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

Ever since the invention of smart phones I have the attention span of a squirrel

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

They used to call me Spay Sex because I really shouldn’t be allowed to do that again

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

I’ve given birth twice but somehow my son appears to be in way more pain when he has to answer any question.

submitted 2 hours ago • 8 comments

When I said I don't give a shit what you think about me, I was trying to make you think I was cool. I didn't mean it if you don't like it. Don't be mad.

submitted 2 hours ago • 1 comment

if they refer to waking up before their alarm as one of life’s simple pleasures they might be the devil

submitted 2 hours ago • 1 comment

If you're going to the bodega will you tell me if they still have my vibe check taped up by the register?

submitted 2 hours ago • 1 comment

urinals imply the existence of poopinals

submitted 2 hours ago • 7 comments

School Libraries: Your kid lost a book about spiders, please pay us $385 by Friday.

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

IT'S JUNETEENTH, Y'ALL ✊🏾⛓️‍💥❤️🖤💚 Black history is American history. If you're off today, visit a Juneteenth festival or parade. Buy from a Black owned business. Make some soul food. If you're working, tell everyone you see today Happy Juneteenth, ESPECIALLY your diet racist coworkers. 🙂‍↕️

submitted 2 hours ago • 3 comments

I was unprepared for the amount of coffee & cursing adult life was going to be.

submitted 2 hours ago • 13 comments

There are two types of people in the world, and they both need to shut the fuck up.

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

nothing terrible can happen today as long as we stay hydrated

submitted 3 hours ago • 5 comments

Im super friendly, till you get to know me

submitted 3 hours ago • 3 comments

A dribble glass, but for their kvetching.

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

My fridge has seen more of me at 3AM than most humans ever will.

submitted 6 hours ago • 1 comment

When my son asks why we have to have campfire raccoon for dinner again

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

OnlyFans, but it’s just me in my second-best Scooby jammies, eating cold kung pao beef and reskeeting.

submitted 9 hours ago • 8 comments