simonthayden.bsky.social
16 posts
15 followers
21 following
Conversation Starter
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"My boss is a donkey-brained idiot whose stroke may have reverted his emotional and critical intelligence to that of an 8-year-old and I have been working tirelessly to 1) enact his political agenda; and 2) fight with people on social media about it."
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Uh uh, they uh, say that I uh uh am in Trump's cabinet and uh I'm uh like, "Get me uh out! Haw haw haw. I'm next to the uh cereal. Haw haw haw."
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What an old-fashioned word, 'economy.' You don't hear much about economy anymore, do you? Well, you'll be hearing it more and more as we'll be crashing it like no one has ever done before. They're saying it's amazing numbers, beautiful numbers, low numbers.
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[Stereotype of an American illiterate] THEY SAID SPEAKIN', THEY AIN'T SAY NUTHIN' 'BOUT READIN'!!! WOOOHOOO!!!!!!
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This is one of those opinions you hear from people who call it, "Sportsball."
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Buying a Cybertruck and putting "I'm just a tiny birthday boy" on the sides in cursive lettering.
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They're saying it's the worst, I don't know, that's what they're saying. Very bad, the likes of which we've never seen. People come up to me, "[Nerdy white guy voice] Sir, the OPSEC is the worst it's ever been and is only getting worse." I say I don't know, you're just telling me now.
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"A lot of people are saying it's missing but I don't know, you're telling me now for the first time. Under the previous administration it was the worst, missing all the time, and now they're saying it's the best, so I'm not so sure."
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I mean, I'd like to hear more about the hat before I cast any aspersions on anyone.
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[Me to Trump] Sphincterwhosenotgoingtogetcanadatobethe51ststatesayswhat.
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Somebody tell Leslie Nielsen to shut the fuck up!
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I, ah, hehe, I, umm, DOGE it. Like, can you DOGE it? It's like, umm, umm, dig, but DOGE. You hear people say dig, you know, but I'm like, I'm like yelling it, you know? I can DOGE it, hehe, alright! Yeah! Woooo! You gotta DOGE it, you know. I'm DOGE-ing it, who's with me?
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Not very efficient, I think Matt Schlapp is already doing this.
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Can't wait to follow a bunch of accounts that post shit like, "The movies are such a wonderful place and the recent release that I saw was such an enjoyable experience! Have you been touched by movie magic recently?"
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[Norm MacDonald voice] Other day I bumped into my old med school buddy, Nick Nightingale. You know Nick Nightingale? Always with a big mouthful of Big League Chew for some reason. So, I'm there, you know, with Nick Nightingale. Whole time I'm thinking, this Nick Nightingale, he's for the birds.