sirpootington.bsky.social
Fallout fan | FREE PALESTINE | SLAVA UKRAINI, HEROIAM SLAVA | pfp by @luigi9x9.bsky.social | 🏳️🌈
❤️ @krizma03.bsky.social ❤️
https://en.pronouns.page/u/Sir_Pootington
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before i end this 2nd yap session, i just want to say that i'm not looking for sympathy. i honestly hate it. i wanted to share every bit of the process, including a bit of back story. i am all good :)
ok yap session over now, bye
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this isn't a "just be happy" thing. this does take work and it took me a while to wire my brain properly. i'll always look for reasons to appreciate the world, even when things are shitty because the world has so many amazing things to show us, we just have to listen to it
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and like the tornado i saw, you need chaos to have beauty, and you need beauty to have chaos. if you just have beauty, you'd never truly know what's beautiful as it'd be just another daily occurrence.
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music, the sky, animals, my incredible friends, my perfectly imperfect partner, and much more remind me that no matter what, i'll continue pushing forward. it isn't because i have to, but because i want to.
i want to see more things, meet more people, hear new music, and talk to my loved ones
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i haven't told anyone about that before, but it's the basis of how i think now. i have so many reasons to be sad, angry, and hopeless, but i also have reasons to be happy. even the TINIEST thing can be a strong enough reason for me to be happy rather than sad.
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yet, she was smiling. she could tell i was confused so she said to me, "i have some damn good food waiting for me at home so i don't got a reason to be sad right now"
i ended up paying for her things because i was thankful to have had such an interaction with her
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she was loud, sassy, and funny as fuck. her jokes ended up turning into how i reminder her of her grandson who had died in Afghanistan or Iraq (i can't remember which). she told me that she was somehow the last of her family left alive as the bloodline ended with him.
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earlier on in the thread, i mentioned meeting and talking to different types of people on my travels. one i remember off the top of my head is this beautiful older black woman i met in Georgia. i was in line at a gas station with some drinks and snacks and she was in front of me.
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the northern lights were pretty dim to the human eye at the time but i could see the reds and greens slowly dancing with each other.
even though i was heartbroken, i had a reason to be happy and it was right in front of me at that very moment. i could've sworn i could reach out and touch it...
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but it was incredible to see. in may of last year, i had found out about one of my best friends passing away and, not long after, there were auroras outside. i couldn't help but watch. i was so angry, but i was calm too.
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the top of it stayed still while the rest bent and flowed with such elegance. at the time, it was terrifying because my father wanted to go to the grocery store for some reason. looked back, it's honestly funny as fuck how everybody was acting like nothing was happening as sirens blared across town
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i look back at what was almost my final day and i can still see that sunset. it was special and my god was it beautiful.
the tornado i saw was incredible too, even if it was 1 of 5 around me at the moment. i can still see it. it was a beautiful rope
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after that, i met my partner, saw my first tornado in person, and slowly started paying more attention to the world
in 2022, i began a long process of retraining my brain to do exactly that all the time. i accomplished my goal in late 2023.
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the day i tried to take my life, i went out onto the prairie and watched the sunset. once it finished, i attempted to shoot myself but the gun wouldn't fire. i'm not sure if it was some sort of divine intervention or if i just grabbed the one gun that didn't work properly, but... yeah
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i saw the world as nothing but constant chaos and i was *terrified*. no matter what i did or what kind of meds i took, i just couldn't be happy. i was extremely negative and constantly anxious. i felt like i didn't have a place in the world
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pair this with all the different places i've seen from prairie, to mountains, swamps, and everything in between... it changed the way i've looked at the world.
when i was a teenager, i was diagnosed with severe depression. in 2018, i attempted to take my own life and failed without injury
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anyway, i have had good conversations with people from all over and it was always while in line for something. i've heard life stories, family history, funny jokes, sad vents, everything.
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for almost 10 years now, i've taken a near-yearly road trip to visit family in Florida (as seen in pictures i posted back in December). over the course of this trip, i have seen different places and met A LOT of people. the last bit surprises me because, believe it or not, i am a hardcore introvert
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an easy way to just find abandoned buildings is by taking side roads or even state roads. it's common to come across decayed homesteads, churches, and even stores/gas stations. this is generally in the north-west to central ND though
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an easy way to find these towns is by looking at a railway map. modern ones even work. 2nd image shows the scale of these rail networks along the eastern half of ND, the Red River Valley
a large chunk of the Pioneer-era ghost towns are in the north-western side of the state with as many as 33 towns
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a lot of the ghost towns here peaked around WW2. usually by the 70s/80s, there's only a few people left as most moved to larger towns like Stanley, Minot, Williston, and Bismarck
these ghost towns are 9 times out of 10 built during ND's second population boom
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context: nvidia forget some ROP units in about 5% of all 5090 and 5070 ti units, leading them to be noticeably weaker than normal
imagine buying a 5090 just to get the same performance as a card that'll cost probably $500-$200 USD less. LMAOOOOO
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this was me with my popcorn in the theater at the exact moment he said that bc i was CURSED WITH COMIC KNOWLEDGE
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he completely forgot that the Bering Strait exists. that same strait was the border between the Soviet Union and the US during the Cold War. it's only a little over 50 miles to cross. that'd be like going from D.C to Baltimore
THAT'S how close Russia is to the US.
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wait, he wants to put the elite in the gulag? so he wants to throw trump and elon in? shit, that might be the only good thing he said
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just a reminder that serial killers and serial rapists are treated better. these "security concerns" are nothing more than a message to the world to show the treatment you'll receive if you kill an elite.
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i do kinda avoid fast food places these days tho ngl
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for those who havent had it, the food from culver's is lowkey among the best in fast food. everything is made to order (only the fries stay in the warmer)
i never feel like shit eating there, unlike other fast food places
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cursed ass gmod install too
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i should mention that this isn't the base install size. thats around 40-50 gigs. mine is so large bc of mods. yea... im a mod whore