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snarkygit.bsky.social
2010 Carrie Fisher is my patronus
132 posts 38 followers 80 following
Prolific Poster

Dear President Musk, I’m not a federal employee but I thought I would let you know what I accomplished last week anyway: 1. Woke up 2. Fell out of bed 3. Dragged a comb across my head 4. Found my way downstairs 5. Drank a cup Now go shove a cactus in your dick hole. If you can find it.

Someone needs to primary this pine cone.

Telling my kids this is LL Cool J and Shock G

I just heard a commercial for a probiotic called Align. I wasn’t looking at the TV but at some point the voiceover said “Take Align every day”. The way my head snapped up. ❄️❄️❄️

Honestly, I just want someone who looks at me the way Jon Hamm and Kevin Costner looked at Cher during her SNL50 performance.

[threatening a baby] here comes the airplane

Imagine if a Democrat only did interviews with their emotional support nazi.

Hey, do you guys have to call out in the middle of the night if you don’t want to have a “mark” on your record? Or do you work somewhere normal?

It is perfectly legal to know your rights and to educate others about them, too. EVERYONE in the United States, citizen or not, has rights. I will not allow this administration to intimidate us from helping you know about them. Here’s our shareable guide ⬇️: (pt. 1/2)

You’ve heard of the Eagles Christmas albums. But do you remember…https://youtu.be/hlR6ujpB89k

Dear Philly, Tonight you are so very alive! You are loud with music, people laughing, people being ridiculous, and the occasional fireworks. It’s like a heartbeat. Someone else called it chaotic joy. Yeah. That. Never change. Love, All of us #eagles #philly

Yam Tits is referring to the PM of Canada as “Governor Trudeau”. I know Canadians are famously polite but I really need Trudeau to start referring to Yam Tits as “President Musk’s Gimp”.

In my email: PLEASE DONATE TO OUR FIGHT FUND in private: please stop bothering us we’re just three lil guys in a trench coat

I’ve spent the better part of three weeks incessantly refreshing the internet to see if it happened yet. And I don’t even have to say what “it” is.

Bruh. Yam Tits about to yeet President Musk’s sex trophy into the sun. ☠️☠️☠️

I’m not a fan of shaming people about their STI status. Good thing there are no people in this picture.

That halftime show gonna live rent free in my head. Absolutely diabolical on every level.

On today’s episode of Murder, She Wrote, Jessica is in Londen and has tickets to the latest Stephen Sondheim musical. It’s season 8, which premiered in 1992. Assassins hit the West End in 1992. Jessica Fletcher went to see Assassins.

Customer service is not sales. Sales is not customer service. Why is this hard?

The officers participating in this are traitors and should be treated accordingly. PS. This is a preview of how law enforcement/military will response going forward. I said what the fuck I said.

The response to this will tell exactly how far gone our democracy is.

We might be getting to the part where they start eating each other’s faces.

I took a shower earlier and forgot to put a towel down. Whatever. Not a big deal. I just went to use the bathroom and I’m wearing socks.

Reupping my call for Fetterman to shove a cactus in his dick hole.

John Fetterman voted for this.

I linked DOGE staffer Marko Elez to a deleted X account that advocated repealing the Civil Rights Act, backed a “eugenic immigration policy,” and wrote, “You could not pay me to marry outside of my ethnicity." He just resigned. www.wsj.com/tech/doge-st...

NEWS: The Pennsylvania Immigration Coalition is calling for a *general strike* in Philly on Super Bowl Sunday as part of a week of action to protest Trump’s brutal crackdown. “That means immigrant workers stay home and immigrant customers stay home, too.” whyy.org/articles/phi...

Still needs to be primaried.

Assuming we still have elections, Saikat Chakrabarti (AOC’s former Chief of Staff) announced he will primary Nancy Pelosi. Here are some others who’ve made the case to be primaried: John Fetterman, Chuck Schumer, Amy Klobuchar, and Kirsten Gillibrand. (1/2)

I was leaving a voicemail for a customer to confirm their address and I stuttered on it and asked them to confirm they’re a dress. How’s everyone else doing?

What the entire fuck?

Do it.

Finally…some good news

The United States Military Academy has just eliminated all Cadet clubs and activities for POC. Most of these have existed for decades like the Society of Black Engineers. They were there when I was a Cadet in 1987. All of the religious ones remain. This isn’t DEI. It’s white Christian Nationalism.

Siri, how many times can an 80-year-old be pushed down stairs by the wind and survive

This gives Garland too much credit. He’s flaccid and impotent and history will judge him accordingly. He’s not some beacon of nonpartisan government.

This feels like malpractice. They’ve known for over two months that he was going to be president and it feels like they had no plan at all. Because I feel like there should’ve been a plan in place. At the very fucking least a comprehensive communication strategy.

The list I would give to Arya Stark would be…extensive.

Does anyone else feel like there is just not enough weed in the whole damn world right now? Maybe if the current administration gave up adderall, coke, and ketamine in favor of weed, they wouldn’t be such goblin cunts.

This reboot of NSYNC looks shitty.

This is all going to come to a violent head at some point. I really need it to happen sooner rather than later tbh. This is exhausting and I just want to move on.

Sooooooooo apparently I’m just going to wake up angry and choose violence for the foreseeable future. Got it.

We should be able to sue certain members of congress for gross negligence. Looking at you, John Fetterman.

AOC said this in 2019. Read that again. We have a MUCH bigger problem than most people are willing to admit.

Most of the GOP needs to be Luigi’d at this point.

Totally normal shit right here. www.nbcnews.com/health/healt...