songbir.de
《👆I only post or repost #HumanGenerated content on main!
《 TRANS JOY IS RESISTANCE | ¡Viva la ✊🏿🏳️⚧️ 🇺🇦 🏳️🌈 🇵🇸! 》
《 #PixelArt ・ #Music ・ #TransPoetry ・ #LocalAI ・ #GameDev 》
《🪫Narcoleptic・Autistic・Ex-Engineer・Ex-Sex Worker 》
《 PolyFi Ace Unicorn・⚢・30s・WA State 》
622 posts
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209 following
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And I think that's the core of it: The cis/het folks have set the standards so high for cis/het that they turn into monsters when your existence reminds them of some unchangeable facet about who they are that, if other cis/het people notice, they'll start being subject to the same kind of scrutiny.
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When I asked their evidence they'd mention the strangest things: Simple facets of myself, things I couldn't have policed if I wanted to like a laugh or a smile. Or apparently, my hips and how I walked. One mentioned that I was 'nice' as his reason.
The standard for 'cis/het' seems hard to meet. 🤣
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Before I was out, honestly before I knew I was going to transition (as I was convinced that for me, it was impossible), some 'friends' had an actual bet with a real pot over what kind of 'queer' I was.
They mean to say nothing I ever did was good enough? I couldn't have convinced them if I wanted!
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I want to share a story from my life here that your thoughts reminded me of. I think you're touching on a fear that a lot of gender-conforming people have regarding social rejection. I also want to add my voice to yours to like, force-multiply.
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She moved in, in 2019, and grandma was too fucking depressed to stop her and she kept waffling around "oh her kid needs a place to live, the well has bad water". Grandma has the deed.
We think she claimed power of attorney and forged documents. You know my family. This is my mom's sister lol.
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And right now there's this side of me that loathes my grandmother. She got herself into this mess, and I told her a decade ago it was going to be a mess. That she needed to do it right. That she needed to keep herself safe. That I wasn't going to be able to help.
Here I am helping, though I can't.
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I HATE THIS. I hate my fucking family. I hate my aunt with the burning, fiery passion of hell. I want to drive up to that house and burn it the fuck down with her inside, but I can't. Instead it's gonna be this fight. This fight as the burns down around us.
I just can't have her homeless. I can't.
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12. Liquidate my nana's other account into the trust so her and I can manage her money for her EOL care.
13. Find her a place to live closer to me so I can actually fucking take care of her.
14. Have her live off of her trust until she dies.
15. Split it four ways like she's been asking since 2015.
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7. Have nana assign me POA because she already acts like I have it (see, me having to do all this)
8. File a lawsuit in the original state with a real estate litigator
9. Sue my aunt in civil court for my grandmother's home and win
10. Sell the fucking place
11. Put the money in a trust for nana.
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1. Get my aunt off nana's bank account.
2.Report the theft to the police even though it happened 2 years ago.
3. Then to an area agency on aging?
4. Then to my aunt's employer (she's a paralegal committing crimes!)
5. Then to the state BAR?
6. Find an attorney to revoke my aunt's forged POA...
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Found out a battle plan. Jesus christ it's gonna be a long fight.
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His name is David Cherry.
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There's no place like 224.0.0.255. 💜
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Happy rebirthday, Tetran. 🥰
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Assuming I got your meaning right. And dental issues are always another layer about how one will be perceived after. I get it too.
I know it doesn't help: I'm just words in the void from someone you don't know. But, I hope you can scratch together a moment to breathe soon to feel "together" again.
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Hey. I can't sleep tonight because everything feels like it's falling apart too. Oh, guess it's not "tonight" anymore.
I'm sorry that it feels this way right now. It sounds overwhelming! 🫂
You didn't do anything. Sometimes, the hardware that runs our human software shows it has critical flaws.
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Christ, I checked all of them.
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"You should meet my grandson. I haven't talked to him for a long time, but you really remind me of him. You even sound like him."
"Nana, it's me."
"That's right. I'm sorry! I hope I don't hurt your feelings. You just remind me of him."
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I saw my grandfather the day he died. Two dogs I loved who are also are both dead now from old age, curled up with him because they knew it was the end. My sister before she was a drunk...
I think there's a reason that they usually don't have family members do memory care over Apache Guacamole.
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Dead grandkids. Dead husband. Grown grandkids who don't care and mistreat her. A daughter who stole her house. Another daughter who treats her like garbage and torments her to today. And me, someone she remembers used to be one of those grandkids, sometimes more strongly and sometimes not at all.
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I dig into it some more and one of those partitions is a truecrypt volume with some bad blocks. Jfc, Nana what were you getting into? But that's not what her foggy memory is seeking. There is at least 50gb of photographs on this old disk. Pictures of the family, where her happy memories are buried.
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And on this 20 year old hard drive that somehow still kinda works (seriously? it only has caution status from sector reallocations. Which is bad! This means it, very rarely, doesn't store data reliably and sectors have needed to be remapped) is a broken file table. Two empty partitions. Okay, neat.
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I need to get an intentionally bad output from stable diffusion and Photoshop it onto spongebob's face with the famous "LOOK AT IT! I WANT ALL OF YOU TO LOOK AT IT."
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Almost everyone genders me correctly, to clarify. He only knew because I'm taller than him and my medical record has "Male to female transgender person" unhelpfully listed as one of my "current problems" on every single form and document.
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It was horrible. I'm so sorry this seemingly very same thing happened to you too. I'm very happy you had someone there supporting you through this to verify what you experienced. I did too.
I can't imagine how much worse you would have been treated if you would have been alone. 🫂
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I don't want to overwhelm your experience by speaking of my own, but, he got angry with me for swearing and stabbed me extra hard; questioned my experience; refused to gender me correctly (almost everyone does, I've been on HRT the better half of a decade) and even his nurse spoke up.
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I want to share that the only time I ever had a legitimate like, psychotic episode, was after having an EMG nerve study (the stabbing, shocking stuff) from a doctor who clearly thought I was medication seeking and too young to have S1 / L5 spinal nerve damage (even though I'd already had a surgery).
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I found it really cool and inspirational but it's demoralizing to all of my artist friends and even demoralizing to me, in a weird indirect way.
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You're right.
My pfp is the output of a Lora of my art, with another Lora, made via img2img using a long prompt based on an original character of mine (my self-insert, to literally self insert), original img: photo of my own face, ran on my local GPU—
Okay it took 300chars to explain the workflow.
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Btw: I had an interest in AI before it became what it is now. I had a chatbot in PHP on devantART chat network that talked to people in 2004 I made myself that had an endless expanding vocabulary. I was 14!
I'm pissed 'bout what they did to my baby too. Used what I loved to rape and pillage art.
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It'll probably be a bit though, but you've given me a good reason to switch tasks from what I'm doing right now. When I have a moment of free time, and I'm not in excruciating pain trying, I'll probably spend a while making something.
Be well! 🌻
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The output from the models I run goes on like, inspiration boards or as concept illustrations. It never ends up in a finished product -- if I ever so had one for sale. I don't try to represent it as my own work, and using it as a pfp is a little too close to doing that actually.
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I know people and huge corporations use illustrators like you and your art against your will. It's disgusting, and now they try to replace you with a python script that poorly imitates you. It's horrible late stage capitalist bullshit and I'm sorry for what they keep doing to your baby.
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You did explain why I'm getting a lot of follows from AI bot spammers so I guess I legit need to sit down and draw something to make that stop — so appreciate you pointing this out. ❤️
I want to say I don't train models on content that isn't my own. I don't publish models or sell them. Fuck that.
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Clarifying, make something I like. I make a lot of stuff but I generally hate all of it.
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Yeah. I made it with my own model running locally and intentionally tagged the metadata as AI so as to not hide that. I use the model to run concepts I like.
I intend to get around to changing it when I have time to sit down and make something.
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Oh it gets better. In the end the guy posits "it could be that the toy takes away her agency" and then dismisses it with "nah, it must be uncanny valley."
At least it hasn't quite gone to "my child is doing it wrong." Yet.
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The full quote with "I wanted to understand her resistance" is gross.
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Adding some hashtags for visibility I guess idfk how social media works.
#poetry
#transpoetry
#micropoem
#queer
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Dude, that's rough.
In my experience that's true, almost everything they got me to try made it so much worse, in ways that feel like torture. I sometimes joke that I don't drink, I just skip medications if I want to be uncomfortable, sick, and drunk. I'm sorry it sounds like you get similar.
💕🫂🌻