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sunshinejarboly.bsky.social
puppy petter. eagle trainer. drinker of milk. taker of naps. writer. my books are available at https://linktr.ee/sunshinejarboly my tweets https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:dyksjqh6i65siw2h6j7xhbtu/feed/aaajao4trlgl6
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Posts 43 Comments 6

me: well, i woke up screaming the name keyser söze again. the priest in the confessional: you know that this is not a therapy booth, right?

submitted 54 minutes ago • 0 comments

The eyes are the windows to the soul and the mouth is the front door to a donut.

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

IF WE AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE TOO CLOSE TO THE MICROWAVE WHY DO THEY SHOW US OUR FOOD TWIRLING AROUND IN THERE

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

Got flexed on by raccoon who was holding a better bagel than me this morning.

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

coasting is my favorite part of riding a bike, I say and the conversation goes dead

submitted 9 days ago • 5 comments

Why, in this, the post-pandemic world of the 21st century, do people still wish to shake my hand

submitted 1 day ago • 9 comments

Sure hope Maynard from Tool never has cause to write a song about me

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

[american civil war] soldier: god this is terrible I hope no one reenacts this

submitted 4 days ago • 7 comments

haha, you’re right, we all have that one friend who’s frantically trying to get their life back together but can’t quite pull it off because they have a severe 4loco addiction & they’re 14 months behind on their monster truck payments.

submitted 6 hours ago • 0 comments

my apple watch has a special attachment that can hold a burrito while i eat another burrito.

submitted 6 hours ago • 1 comment

I waste all my bravery eating expired food

submitted 4 days ago • 26 comments

I'm one (1) six-digit verification code away from a straight jacket

submitted 2 days ago • 31 comments

Set phasers to the unbearable lightness of being

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

one thing I remember about all the fights I’ve had with my spouse is how I was right

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

acme salesperson: okay, your total comes to $107.15. wile e. coyote: (bleary eyed thousand yard stare) why won’t god just let me die?

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

i get anxious every time i return to the airport in los angeles. it’s not very reLAXing, is what im saying . folks,,

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

knocked my salt shaker over & when i turned back to look at it, i turned into a spiller of salt . folks,,

submitted 8 days ago • 5 comments

one time when i was a kid my dad bought so many jean jackets from sears they eventually let him park his camaro right next to the register.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

“he who sends 100 men to fight me, dig 100 graves.” - congorillacius

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

The camera noise on my dad’s phone is so loud it causes localized thunderstorms

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

you can easily out-bro all your bros by driving your scirocco directly into your vicodin dealer’s hot tub.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Me: dang those wings were spicy WebMD: you have cancer Me: I just ate buffalo wings, I’m pretty sure it’s heartburn WebMD: ᵇᵘᶠᶠᵃˡᵒ ᶜᵃⁿᶜᵉʳ

submitted 45 days ago • 41 comments

jesus, lost in the desert, stumbles upon a squad of jawas who are in the process of dismantling a droid: hey guys, sorry to bother you, i think i’m lost. do you know what story i’m in? jawa: oooh tee dee!! jesus: okay, no need to use racial slurs.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Weird. Usually the drummer goes first

submitted 2 days ago • 14 comments

Hey you guys know you can drive around corners faster right?

submitted 4 days ago • 15 comments

i'm glad i don't have a thought bubble above my head because when i'm involved in intellectual conversations i'm usually just thinking about some variation of potatoes

submitted 2 days ago • 35 comments

sometimes you don’t need to do the laundry; sometimes you can just pack the hamper down a little bit and it’ll look less full

submitted 2 days ago • 12 comments

one time my dad made a pizza that had so much meat on it david attenborough had to come in & narrate it.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

one time my wife gave me a pretty long list of chores to do so, what i did was i got my shovel, went to the backyard & dug a deep, deep hole until i reached a point where gravity & time no longer existed & that was where i merged into the singularity & was never seen again.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Just spent two minutes panicking when I couldn’t find my keys in my pockets. The car was already running. I’m fine. Everything is fine.

submitted 4 days ago • 8 comments

Realized I never said "unquote" after reciting a famous poem in 10th grade. Sorry if you thought everything I've said since is Shakespeare

submitted 715 days ago • 29 comments

Folgers made me believe there was a “best part” of waking up

submitted 10 days ago • 23 comments

space alien pilot: {hovering in their ship looking down at the earth} they still don’t have a pope. space alien co-pilot: that’s our window, we should attack now while we can.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

one time when i was feeling down my grandpa gave me some really good advice & it was this: “life is an endless parade of misery & pain so you might as well have that fifth chimichanga. who cares.”

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

I never get invited to the good funerals.

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

Reminiscing about the ponchos of my youth.

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

I don't want to drink guava soda but I do want to say it.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

What do you mean you don’t want to play with your younger sister? That’s the entire reason she exists.

submitted 6 days ago • 3 comments

one time at work my boss was explaining something pretty complicated to me that i needed to get done & i remember that the only thing i could think of while he was talking was, “i wonder where i can get some flan?”

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

one time my uncle drank so much mountain dew that he passed out & when he woke up he was 3 months behind on his puka shell necklace payments.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

me: *minding my own business* iPhone: hey, remember when you went to your best friend’s funeral?!

submitted 4 days ago • 8 comments

Whenever I write an email I put the subject line as "Here comes another email for you to read"

submitted 5 days ago • 5 comments

Damn airbags smashed my doritos again

submitted 130 days ago • 10 comments