theshape076.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

I keep my sex toys in a tote because I use them in different rooms in the house. It's my bag of dicks. I'm so sorry.

submitted 17 days ago • 2 comments

Today in Milan, a student activist group hung a trash-filled effigy of Musk upside down on a gate outside of piazzale Loreto, where Mussolini's body was displayed in 1945. They left the message: "C'è sempre posto a piazzale Loreto, Elon" (There's always room in piazzale Loreto, Elon)

submitted 37 days ago • 328 comments

submitted 51 days ago • 0 comments

Me after delivering a highbrow skeet, “You guys aren’t ready for this, but your PornBots are gonna love it.”

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

I’ve been off Twitter a couple years now & the joy I’ve had finding accounts here that I used to enjoy over there has been immeasurable. Didn’t realize how much I missed the silly jokes & banter.

submitted 55 days ago • 0 comments

Dear @PepperidgeFarms pls make the cookie dividers edible they're killing my momentum

submitted 57 days ago • 51 comments

If you ever share / repost anything, please let it be this

submitted 59 days ago • 52 comments

Happy New Year, Bluesky. All those things you’ve wanted for yourself are in your reach. I believe in you.

submitted 58 days ago • 0 comments

As a Pats fan I’m very torn. On one hand, I don’t like seeing the Bills win. One the other hand, fuck Aaron Rodgers.

submitted 60 days ago • 0 comments

Life hack: next time you’re on a plane wait until the quietest part of takeoff then quickly stand up and yell “KEVIN!”

submitted 64 days ago • 3 comments

I’m with Denmark.

submitted 64 days ago • 638 comments

Researchers found “that the costs Walmart imposes in the form of not only lower earnings but also higher unemployment in the wider community outweigh the savings it provides for shoppers.”

submitted 65 days ago • 13 comments

fuck marry kill but it’s all the same person

submitted 67 days ago • 29 comments

[victorian child walking into his parents’ room at 3am] i’ve done a deed most foul

submitted 72 days ago • 9 comments

Doctor: you suffer from delusions Me: I don't think so Doctor: they seem real but they're not Stuart Little: he's lying to you Me: I know

submitted 70 days ago • 2 comments

@lebatardshow.bsky.social Great show yesterday. John Amaechi was an excellent guest. Good to see you guys on here.

submitted 69 days ago • 0 comments

Last isthmus I gave you my chart The very next day You sank to your grave This year A ghost ship appears You turned into something spectral

submitted 74 days ago • 9 comments

I don’t know about you, but it doesn’t feel like Christmastime until those treetops are just glistenin’.

submitted 72 days ago • 0 comments

LAWYER: Your wife is divorcing you because you think everyone is a cop ME: narrows eyes and looks at wife I see you called for backup, Sharon.

submitted 72 days ago • 5 comments

honey i was just out with the guys i only had like a few beers it’s not a big deal

submitted 74 days ago • 7 comments

submitted 96 days ago • 0 comments

me: i’ll take a hot coffee barista: do u want a medium? me: like someone who talks to the dead? no thanks. barista: no, a medium coffee: me: why would i want my coffee to talk to the dead

submitted 89 days ago • 3 comments

listening to emo music at 14 years old: omg these guys understand me and my pain listening to the same emo music at 30 years old, the same age as the band when they originally made the song: (i’m behind on my rent and my girlfriend is mad at me) oh, now i get it.

submitted 97 days ago • 25 comments

showing my hairstylist a pic i need you to kill this person for me

submitted 98 days ago • 16 comments

Me: carefully going around the victims body with chalk Detective: We don’t usually outline the balls Me: oh I’m not a cop lol

submitted 471 days ago • 3 comments

I was helping my son with his homework and I told him that a female gazelle was called a madamazelle so now I have another meeting with his teacher.

submitted 84 days ago • 79 comments

“Tell me the truth, am I out of touch with the common man?” I ask. “Maybe a little,” says my butler. I scoff, but my mouth is so full of aged tawny port that I start coughing and almost choke. He pats me on the back a few times. “Don’t touch me without your gloves,” I wheeze.

submitted 580 days ago • 7 comments

[crime scene] DETECTIVE: this picture has been torn into a thousand pieces COP: why would they do that DETECTIVE: stroking chin it’s a puzzle

submitted 89 days ago • 0 comments

ME: “My time machine works! I just killed Bobby Hitler!” FRIEND: “You mean baby Hitler?” ME: FRIEND: ME:”I’ll be right back.”

submitted 89 days ago • 0 comments

“Who let the dogs out” they ask. “No idea” I say. They let me go. As I walk away from the police station my limp slowly disappears.

submitted 193 days ago • 4 comments

Baby bird finishes hatching Sorry… am I in a bowl of sticks? Am I in a fucking bowl of sticks a thousand feet off the ground right now, yes or no

submitted 551 days ago • 23 comments

Happy Thanksgiving, Bluesky peeps. It’s leg day, both at the gym & at the dinner table today.

submitted 92 days ago • 0 comments

My dentist can do it all, from a simple cleaning to identifying my charred remains

submitted 591 days ago • 16 comments

therapist: describe this picture me: that’s my father yelling at me therapist: and this one me: you having sex with my wife therapist: and this one me: aren’t these normally ink blots

submitted 119 days ago • 11 comments

“Do you want to know the secret to a long life?” Me: Absolutely not.

submitted 336 days ago • 1 comment

probably the best part about driving home for the holidays is having your car handy to scream in when you need it

submitted 93 days ago • 0 comments