verybadllama.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Happy anniversary to my beloved French husband. There’s no one on earth whose private message logs I would rather mail to federal immigration authorities. Je t’aime.

submitted 22 hours ago • 4 comments

had a bad dream that I somehow mentally paused to go get an Iced Capp from Dream Tim Hortons, which means at long last I have ascended to the final level of Canadian

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, we both live in an age of rapidly accelerating climate change where it is increasingly necessary to wear 'warm weather' clothing for growing portions of the year, and it's only getting bleaker

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

me: when I was your age, the United States was the greatest superpower in the world my grandchild: 當然，奶奶，我們帶您去睡覺吧。

submitted 4 days ago • 8 comments

small towns have exactly two types of crime, which are "mysterious unsolved case that defies earthly explanations and haunts everyone involved for the rest of their lives" and "Big Jim got into his cups again and threw a propane tank through the front window at Dairy Queen"

submitted 6 days ago • 9 comments

thank you Facebook ads, I was just looking for a 10-pack of steel nozzles for my Formless Pork Horrors

submitted 7 days ago • 10 comments

begging Disney to go back to what they do best, which is creating child-friendly adaptations of unfathomably horrifying adult stories. shove your live-action remakes and give us a G-rated Flowers in the Attic musical, you cowards.

submitted 7 days ago • 6 comments

[my ancestors chilling in England in the year 1066] gosh I sure do love eating starchy root vegetables and hearing news about the King, I hope this continues uninterrupted for the next 959 years

submitted 8 days ago • 6 comments

it's like watching the fall of Rome, except if the Emperor was sprinting through the streets of Rome smashing the place up with a tire-iron for absolutely no reason

submitted 9 days ago • 9 comments

"use AI to summarize this email" no thank you, I'm trying to hold on to my ability to read long-form text without feeling my brain overheat like a cheap laptop booting up twelve Sims expansion packs

submitted 12 days ago • 4 comments

welcome to life after 30, your daily routine is scrolling through posts from old friends talking about how their flesh-eating ghost bones disease was caught just in time because they listened to their bodies while you just ignore that New Weird Pain That Is Probably Fine

submitted 13 days ago • 5 comments

manufacturer: we've invented a lightbulb designed to flip off the sun. a single bulb can light a football stadium and its entire parking lot. the light is so intense it can bake a holiday ham in 17 minutes. every car company: get two of those in every compact SUV immediately

submitted 14 days ago • 3 comments

unclear if this raccoon is casing my parents’ chicken coop or simply looking for an opportunity to ask the chickens about their cars’ extended warranties

submitted 14 days ago • 3 comments

best reason to give your pet a human name is to intentionally confuse people. I’ve been telling an acquaintance about Bianca throwing up in my bed for months and I can tell in his eyes that he knows it’s way too late to ask whether she’s a human child.

submitted 15 days ago • 15 comments

if anyone is in the market for a new political pundit, my dad is available to watch half an hour of news every night while repeating “I just don’t think they should be allowed to do any of this” in increasingly disapproving tones

submitted 15 days ago • 13 comments

I think if you tweet both of these opinions in a 48-hour window, Margaret Atwood should legally get to appoint someone to go to your house and hit you with a shovel

submitted 18 days ago • 12 comments

highly recommend getting a job working with teenagers if you enjoy being told that the music you listened to six years ago is gross old people music, unlike this brand new artist they are just discovering who has been dead since 1997

submitted 19 days ago • 19 comments

RFK Jr makes exactly one decision every day and it’s just deciding whether he wants to spend the day ruining his health or yours

submitted 20 days ago • 2 comments

pleased to announce that I am now offering my services as a paid HBO branding consultant, my main responsibility would be to wander the halls of HBO and slap anyone who suggests changing any aspect of the name, colour scheme or logo

submitted 20 days ago • 6 comments

POV: you are 90 seconds late feeding a chihuahua her breakfast

submitted 21 days ago • 11 comments

Happy Mother’s Day to my mom, a woman who generously gifted me her whole entire face

submitted 22 days ago • 2 comments

fly me to the moon before all the moon condos are gone let me see what rent is like on MoonZillow dot com

submitted 23 days ago • 2 comments

got a notification on my phone that my screen time has dropped 30% and was briefly proud of myself before I remembered that it’s because I have been playing Oblivion Remastered for 7 hours per day

submitted 23 days ago • 8 comments

Today, our client Rümeysa Öztürk was released on bail from ICE detention in Louisiana, and she will return to New England to continue her studies. 📸 Giancarlo D’Agostaro

submitted 25 days ago • 564 comments

incredibly funny to convert to a religion that thinks one specific guy is infallible, only for that one specific guy to go on the internet and tell everyone you suck

submitted 25 days ago • 4 comments

Pope Leo XIV was an American college student in 1977, which means at long last, we probably have a Pope who knows the lyrics to Meatloaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light"

submitted 25 days ago • 5 comments

American Pontiff was a surprise to me American Pontiff already hates JD

submitted 25 days ago • 10 comments

"I saw the white smoke on Pop Crave so now I'm checking the Pope's tweets to see if he's woke" I explain to 900 years of my Catholic ancestors, as their faces melt like they've just looked directly at the Lost Ark

submitted 25 days ago • 1 comment

he was a boy she was 133 Cardinals tasked with choosing the apostolic successor of Saint Peter can I make it any more obvious

submitted 26 days ago • 3 comments

sending up a puff of white smoke in the scrapbooking aisle at Michael's to announce that I have selected the next hobby that I'll be bored of in three and a half weeks

submitted 27 days ago • 10 comments

if I was part of the papal conclave I would send up a glitter confetti cannon just to keep em guessing

submitted 27 days ago • 10 comments

someday when the village children gather around to ask me what it was like to live through 2025 I am simply going to start a large and uncontrollable forest fire that rapidly consumes everything they hold dear while they are powerless to do anything but watch

submitted 27 days ago • 7 comments

"I was losing thousands of dollars with my local grocery store. Now I'm not doing business with my grocery store. Therefore, I'm saving thousands of dollars. It's very simple, please ignore the cries of my hungry children."

submitted 29 days ago • 3 comments

my dad has started doing this bit where he turns on an American news station and goes "oh look, The Handmaid's Tale is on". we have more than three and a half years of this left to go.

submitted 29 days ago • 9 comments

“now that I’ve deep cleaned the house it’ll be easy to keep it up with just 15 minutes of cleaning every day” I tell myself. I am immediately aware that I am lying.

submitted 31 days ago • 5 comments

hey babe I’m just popping out real quick to close shut the jaws of Oblivion, let me know if you need anything

submitted 31 days ago • 5 comments

Marco Rubio when the White House janitor quits

submitted 32 days ago • 1 comment