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weeeble.bsky.social
I'm just here to follow funny accounts, as a distraction from the real world
18 posts 151 followers 981 following
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Either he's innocent, or he's a BLOODY good actor:

submitted 9 days ago • 82 comments

Cure for depression

submitted 10 days ago • 155 comments

[hegseth] Just CONFIRMED w/CENTCOM we are a GO for mission launch. [friend who once got a text from hegseth where he accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?

submitted 31 days ago • 66 comments

Loch Shiel, Scotland

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

🐞

submitted 35 days ago • 124 comments

stories are ridiculous. they're all like "oh this thing happened, and then oh, this person said this, and then this other person did that, and then something else happened and caused some other thing to happen." it's like ... ok thanks i guess

submitted 35 days ago • 75 comments

The term health food is so backwards like nah man that's just food. That's broccoli. You been eating unhealth food.

submitted 40 days ago • 40 comments

ME: Cauliflower is bullshit. EXECUTIONER: Those are really gonna be your last words?

submitted 42 days ago • 56 comments

magician: *pulls tiny rabbi out of a hat* me: that's a little unorthodox

submitted 45 days ago • 23 comments

Loch Sunart, Scotland

submitted 51 days ago • 0 comments

[restaurant] waiter: would you like water? me: yes please waiter: still? me: I literally just said yes

submitted 58 days ago • 43 comments

[speed date] HER: hi i’m- ME: if a fish had sex with a duck would the baby be called a dish or a fuck HER: what ME: dish or fuck hurry please

submitted 60 days ago • 76 comments

ME: [first day as a waiter] How would you like your steak, Madam? HER: Well done. ME: Thank you. I’m very nervous.

submitted 75 days ago • 4 comments

When the pizza delivery guy rings the doorbell, I always yell, “PIZZAS ARE HERE!” so he doesn’t think they’re both for me.

submitted 80 days ago • 8 comments

I’ve quit telling people that I disagree with them. Instead, I now say, “I’m gonna have to agree with myself on this one.” It’s self-positive, non-confrontational, and just weird enough to end the conversation.

submitted 85 days ago • 160 comments

Weirdly accurate in 2025

submitted 88 days ago • 123 comments

me: what kind of animal is that tour guide: alaskan otter me: ok, let me know what he says

submitted 88 days ago • 30 comments

I just learned that people are feeding hemp to cows now. The steaks have never been higher.

submitted 89 days ago • 112 comments

ME: *writing in my journal with the sole aim of pissing off future historians and archaeologists* I returned to my home - which is built in the usual style - by the normal way, and prepared and ate dinner in the way I often but not always do

submitted 89 days ago • 265 comments

ski instructor said the yeti turds I found are moose droppings. am I supposed to be comforted by the fact the yeti is riding a goddamn moose

submitted 90 days ago • 96 comments

wife: ugh i have a hangover me: i think it’s called a muffin top ex-wife:

submitted 90 days ago • 10 comments

zookeeper: have you folks seen the lions yet? me: no, not yet zookeeper: ok *starts sweating* well stay calm and let someone know when you do

submitted 94 days ago • 4 comments

Wow babe are you a fossil fuel because I do not like your energy

submitted 94 days ago • 14 comments

I love board games. My favorite is when people put meat and cheese on a board. Maybe some crackers and fruit. I'm really good at that one.

submitted 95 days ago • 30 comments

boss: may i have a word? me: equilibrium. boss: thank you.

submitted 95 days ago • 2 comments

Water cannot freeze. You’re thinking of ice

submitted 95 days ago • 25 comments

yesterday I assembled an entire woodshed without even needing to consult the instructions Today I will dismantle an entire woodshed Tomorrow I will re-assemble an entire woodshed, this time while consulting the instructions

submitted 96 days ago • 688 comments

Loch Earn, Scotland

submitted 97 days ago • 0 comments

A computer could never beat me at chess. I would simply unplug it.

submitted 98 days ago • 47 comments

Glen Ure, Scotland

submitted 98 days ago • 0 comments

daughter: look daddy, I made you this picture! me: aw honey, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this

submitted 99 days ago • 12 comments

EVERY FORUM POST: How do I do the thing I need to do? EVERY TOP REPLY: If I understand you correctly [doesn't], I have never needed to do that, so why would you want to?

submitted 102 days ago • 107 comments

ROSE: i love you JACK: i adore you ROSE: a door lol JACK: *going under* lol

submitted 102 days ago • 26 comments

Please read this if you can.

submitted 104 days ago • 8 comments

Beyond the viaduct. Glen Finnan, Scotland.

submitted 104 days ago • 1 comment

INTERVIEWER: nice to meet you, why don’t you have a seat ME: omg was I supposed to bring one

submitted 109 days ago • 1 comment

Friend: “Hey! Haven’t heard from you in a while. Everything okay?” Me: “I took a DNA test. It showed that I had a 51% chance of being British” Friend: [crying, throwing up] “I’m so sorry. I’ll be right over. Don’t colonize anything until I get there.”

submitted 118 days ago • 5 comments

me: don’t mind me, I’m just taking a gander petting zoo employee: please put the goose down

submitted 109 days ago • 7 comments

Dishwasher is broken. Using a fireplace poker and barbecue tongs to eat spaghetti off a wall clock

submitted 108 days ago • 155 comments

[loud knocking] “OPEN UP. IT’S THE POLICE!” Me: Prove it. “HOW?” Me: Sing “Roxanne.”

submitted 109 days ago • 36 comments

ME: I didn't choose the thug life THEM: you're eating soup in a cardigan at 10:30 on a Tuesday morning ME: I could not have been more clear

submitted 112 days ago • 72 comments

Me: Alexa, how much is left on my timer? Alexa: You all have one year, 76 days, 11 hours, 14 minutes left on your timer. Me: What? On my pasta timer? Alexa: Oh. Sorry. You have one minute left on your pasta timer. Me: Alexa: Me: What was that other timer? Alexa: Alexa: Would you like to hear a joke?

submitted 113 days ago • 61 comments

lead singer: ARE YOU READY TO ROCK???? me in the pit trying to clean the front of my glasses w my tshirt: JUST A SEC, BUD

submitted 114 days ago • 155 comments

I saw it, I liked it, I snapped it

submitted 114 days ago • 0 comments

i’m a caveman in that i’ll cave to even the slightest peer pressure

submitted 117 days ago • 4 comments

Loch Sunart, Scotland

submitted 118 days ago • 0 comments

[running into my ex] ex: omg it’s you me: yeah ex: we should exchange numbers me: i don’t think that’s a good idea ex: you backed into my car though me: look we’ve both moved on

submitted 120 days ago • 2 comments

Loch Aline, Scotland

submitted 124 days ago • 0 comments