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xinicit.bsky.social
Sobriety Date 12/22/09 Support/Blog https://buymeacoffee.com/xinicit Recent Posts https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:zzjoncowxyg6a4dqfkvnpi2k/feed/aaalgnvduqvmc Best Posts https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:zzjoncowxyg6a4dqfkvnpi2k/feed/aaaepbpvxlzxw
9,390 posts 12,136 followers 1,265 following
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Posts 49 Comments 1

Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. It’s more efficient to set the others on fire instead.

submitted 10 hours ago • 1 comment

Dueling banjos but with mental illnesses.

submitted 2 hours ago • 5 comments

You're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine and the machine is bleeding to death, playboy.

submitted 20 minutes ago • 0 comments

Taking off my fat suit before getting in the pool and now the children are screaming, everything stings, and the lifeguards are mad because the drains are all clogged with gore.

submitted 273 days ago • 3 comments

Me, explaining this to my surgeon after he took my gallbladder

submitted 49 minutes ago • 1 comment

“Stabbing someone and taking their money does not make you a professional piercer.” “Why not?” “You have to leave a piece of jewelry in the wound.”

submitted 1 hour ago • 3 comments

heaven and hell are myths but purgatory is real and there is no masturbating your way out of it

submitted 5 hours ago • 13 comments

Yup. "AI" should be understood primarily as a marketing term designed to impress people who have no understanding of (nor any real interest in understanding) the underlying tools and processes.

submitted 2 hours ago • 12 comments

If I’m trying to distract you, it’s probably because I wanna steal a bite of whatever you’re eating.

submitted 2 hours ago • 5 comments

I limit what I take in. I like my life. Things are generally pretty good for me day-to-day. I have spent decades working to get to this. It's awesome. Keep trying. Let love in.

submitted 2 hours ago • 2 comments

I dont know who needs to hear this, but you can keep your jaw clenched and your shoulders tense. Go ahead and fuck shit up.

submitted 6 hours ago • 4 comments

i saw rfk jr swimming through the chuck e. cheese ball pit like an eel

submitted 2 hours ago • 14 comments

I hate to get all political, but politicians, what a bunch of nincompoops!

submitted 3 hours ago • 2 comments

No offense but liberals being consistently idiotic has been a great help to communists these last few months. Please keep talking.

submitted 2 hours ago • 9 comments

Sometimes you got it but mostly, I’m left pondering what it even is.

submitted 5 hours ago • 1 comment

also you guys the library??? We all gotta be using it more. An incredible public good. Walk in, get anything that interests you, check out for a total of zero dollars, walk out. anyone against it is my nemesis

submitted 5 hours ago • 27 comments

Love hurts. But so does a staple gun to the head. Find out which one I met up with at Lowe’s after the break.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

You either pretend to like me or don’t like me. There is no in between.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Part 2 of my new series is up! It’s a short read, but I had fun writing it! www.buymeacoffee.com/p/3735967

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

*takes off jorts to reveal even sassier jorts

submitted 9 hours ago • 25 comments

Someone once told me “Your vibe attracts your tribe.” Cool, so my “fuck off” aura is working perfectly.

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

I want to knock over a liquor store, but Steve's using the getaway car to take his grandma to the podiatrist.

submitted 16 hours ago • 11 comments

Dance like no one is wincing.

submitted 6 hours ago • 0 comments

*kicks dopamine machine* Fuckin give it over you dirty slut.

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

A jury but it's all dogs

submitted 1 day ago • 35 comments

I'm sure we'll see each other soon (threatening)

submitted 6 hours ago • 1 comment

we’re hurtling through space and time and so are hot dogs

submitted 6 hours ago • 9 comments

Mumford & Sons made music for people who needed theme music while they shop for slacks.

submitted 8 hours ago • 6 comments

I see it now. (taking off my glasses) That's better.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

HER: *making sexy eyes* did you just get back from the gym ME: *sweating and out of breath from carrying groceries up the stairs* yes

submitted 4 hours ago • 0 comments

i have a deeply held and profound religious belief to call ICE agents "pathetic little dingleberries"

submitted 10 hours ago • 5 comments

They don’t do a lot of pratfalls in the Dune movies. I wonder why

submitted 12 hours ago • 0 comments

I don't block for my benefit, I block for yours. My child, I am trying to save your soul.

submitted 6 hours ago • 5 comments

I strive for average and tbh, I'm fucking killing it

submitted 8 days ago • 4 comments

Meet me at Tower Records after work and then we'll head over to Waldenbooks before we meet up with everybody later.

submitted 11 hours ago • 7 comments

Them: It’s not always about you. Anxiety: Fuck, it’s definitely about me.

submitted 11 hours ago • 0 comments

I’d like to have seen Houdini try to get out of a pickle jar from the inside

submitted 7 hours ago • 6 comments

Schrödinger’s cat bowl: simultaneously full and empty

submitted 7 hours ago • 0 comments

Imagine how infuriating it would have been for Schrodinger if he had used Houdini instead of a cat. Dude just popping out of boxes, ruining the man’s quantum.

submitted 7 hours ago • 3 comments

I may have overestimated my readiness to rock this morning

submitted 7 hours ago • 1 comment

If you hold off on a home project long enough, your needs change and it won't be necessary anymore. Follow me for more procrastinating hacks.

submitted 14 hours ago • 14 comments

There should be more piercings named after royalty

submitted 7 hours ago • 6 comments

Ramen noodles are part of a financially balanced diet

submitted 10 hours ago • 1 comment

Real men choke on their own spit

submitted 10 hours ago • 0 comments

Weekends used to be like "gonna go to a concert then get blackout drunk," now in your 40s they're like "guess I'll scrape that paint, maybe go to Home Depot for more paint"

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

I did 3 loads of laundry AND put it away 💪🏼

submitted 11 hours ago • 24 comments

me: *winking* want to fool around? wife: sure I guess, why not me: *filling a paper bag with dog poop* awesome! put this on next door’s porch, set it on fire, then ring the doorbell and run away wife: I want a divorce

submitted 16 hours ago • 2 comments

if your community has any kind of social media page that includes discussions, it’s the quickest way to learn you’re surrounded by monsters

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Pretending to hate my life like you guys do is exhausting

submitted 11 hours ago • 4 comments