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dereksheen.bsky.social
Comedian, actor, writer, musician and pretty great in the kitchen. My new solo show "MotherL*ver" is coming soon to a town near you. Check out my albums on Apple Music and Spotify! You can find out all about me here: https://linktr.ee/dereksheen
526 posts 1,091 followers 1,337 following
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Posts 37 Comments 13

The people who had no idea what government did and believed it was all a hoax to fleece hardworking Americans, now run the government with no idea what they are doing while also fleecing hardworking Americans.

submitted 20 hours ago • 0 comments

I missed Bob Hope's birthday on May 29th, but it's Pride Month, and I just read that Trump cut $258M in AIDS vaccine research funding. So, here's a couple of promos Bob shot for the SF AIDS foundation in 1986. Happy Bday Bob! Happy Pride! It's chaos out there, be kind!

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Tell me I’m not losing my mind, but does it seem like parking spaces are getting smaller?

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

I’ll remember to tell people who are dying because their preventive services and essential medications were cut, by this see-you-next-Tuesday, that ‘hey it was gonna happen sometime’. They’ll probably appreciate that.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

Whoever made this deserves a Pulitzer.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

I knew he reminded of something but I just couldn't place it until now...

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Hey!! Thanks to @standuprecords.bsky.social , my first special "Holy Drivel" (2011) is available for free on Tubi and rent/purchase on YT, Amazon and Vimeo. Recorded by Matt Bayles and mastered by Trey Gunn I'm still proud of it despite some cringe moments. Either way, I still love it. Enjoy!

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Never been to a Box Lunch store before. It’s like a Hot Topic for homeschool kids.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

At least Phil Robertson died not knowing what an asshole he was.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Absolute fucking smooth brain shit. His skull is filled with oatmeal.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

You want to cure the male loneliness epidemic? Get all these soft gamer boys onto a boat with a grizzled, veteran sharker to hunt down the Great White who’s terrorizing the island.

submitted 10 days ago • 25 comments

TODAY! @riverslangley.bsky.social is hangin' out in Seattle with @andyiwancio.bsky.social, @emmettmontgomery.bsky.social, and @dereksheen.bsky.social! We try out the new Kai Cenat energy drink and chat about Seattle's weird history. Soundgarden's "Black Hole Sun" is our Jam of the week. Lynx-N-Reply

submitted 10 days ago • 1 comment

😬

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

“Strongman” has always been a title adopted by the weakest of men. After 37 years of the Ceaușescu’s brutal dictatorship. 3 days before Christmas, in 1989, Nicolae and Elena were unceremoniously executed by military firing squad. This is how it always ends. Always.

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

It’s accurate insofar as he is the smaller man.

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

You ever notice how everybody who supports this fuckin’ reject is a low IQ dipshit who would drink their own piss if he told them to? Weird, huh? (eats Snickers)… Nope. I still feel this way.

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

Free steak dinners for life to any WH reporter that follows up a KKKaroline Leavitt answer with, "that's not what I fucking asked".

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

This is like the movie “They Live” if Roddy Piper throws the glasses away and starts a podcast.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Good. Fuck Target. We stopped shopping there the minute they started working with Chip and Joanna Gaines. Their support of Antioch Church and Jimmy Siebert’s anti-gay conversion therapy were a big ‘no’.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Seems accurate...

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

If you zoom in on the horse’s nostrils and teeth it looks like a Deadite.

submitted 15 days ago • 147 comments

I imagine the only people who will find a problem with this have actually read the book.

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

I had an idea and wanted to make a riff on the Croque Madame with toast rounds, chicken sausage, sharp cheddar and a lemony Bechamel. Topped with scrambled egg whites and a preserved egg yolk. Turned out awesome! Adding to my breakfast rotation.

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

I’ve seen a lot of dead people.

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

Many years ago someone from NYC on Twitter explained Trump as the uniquely New York Society phenomenon of the "straight queen" and I didn't fully absorb what that meant until I saw this.

submitted 19 days ago • 17 comments

🎯

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

Come and get me! (available from Amazon)

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

fuck off

submitted 19 days ago • 440 comments

“WHAT AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING MORON!” (Eats a Snickers bar) “What an absolute fucking moron.”

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

VANCOUVER, B.C.!! (Because I have to specify) @gabeynotgabby.bsky.social is one of my favorite joke writers, storytellers and people. I highly recommend catching Gabey’s new show if you live in the B.C. area.

submitted 21 days ago • 1 comment

Trump is so racist he'll only accept the Qatar plane if they get rid of the black box

submitted 23 days ago • 4 comments

I was wearing my Blazing Saddles tee and the Safeway checker said, “ya know, they could never make that movie today” and I responded, “that’s because everyone in it is dead now”. We never spoke again.

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

I immediately accept that you are a human psyop, sent to test my intelligence, if you have strong opinions about how “Tropic Thunder” is problematic.

submitted 24 days ago • 1 comment

The first Democratic governor who sends their state troopers into an ICE field office to free someone ICE has kidnapped is going to be president in four years.

submitted 25 days ago • 480 comments

First reporter to say “You’re the fucking President” gets a book deal minimum

submitted 25 days ago • 133 comments

🎶So we picked a Pope And blew some smoke Saying, “Let them pontiffs roll, 10-4” ‘Cuz we got a big ol’ conclave, voting through the night…🎶”

submitted 27 days ago • 85 comments

🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞

submitted 26 days ago • 93 comments